The Past Is Never Far
by ilovescarves89
Summary: Both Kurt and Blaine are shocked and confused when Blaine gets switched with an older version of himself. Can they get him back home, and what secrets is Blaine keeping? Based on a prompt by Neaf.
1. Part 1

Part 1  
><em>And you stand there, a frozen light in dark and empty streets<em>

_._

Throughout his young existence, Kurt Hummel has learned – the hard way and more than once – that life as you know it can change in a matter of seconds. One moment he could be lecturing about culture in French to an uncomprehending jock; the next he could be racing to the hospital, scared for his father's life. Or he could be an excited wedding planner one moment, only to have his life threatened the next. Or be bursting with joyous pride about his latest report card, but have the day turn into the worst of his life as he hears the news about his mother.

Of course the opposite does happen now and then, and there was a time when it felt like those were the moments he lived for; those priceless moments of finding hope where he least expected it. Like being all but kicked out of the boys' competition planning, just to find his safe-haven at Dalton.

Tonight, though, is something new. It isn't a good moment turning into a bad one, nor is it a bad one turning good; it's a bad one turning worse – turning _weird_. When it happens, Kurt is standing at the open front door of his house, staring at the spot where Blaine's car was parked just a moment ago, his boyfriend's last angry words still ringing in his ears. Then the sound of screeching tires and the earsplitting crash that follows pierce the quiet night, and for a few seconds Kurt doesn't react at all, just stands there, body and mind frozen. When his mind starts working again, the first thing that pops into his head is that day almost seventeen months ago, when he first met Blaine. (_Has it really not been longer?_ It feels like he has known Blaine forever.) Finding Blaine. His Blaine now.

_My name's Blaine_.

He had said it with such ease, and he had reached out to shake Kurt's hand like it was nothing, as if people did that every day. He remembers Blaine's immediate warmth – not just physically but his voice and his eyes, too – and he remembers how their hands felt, clasped together for the first time.

The memory seems to jolt Kurt's body alive again, and he starts running, though he doesn't remember making the conscious decision to do so – his body and mind both working, but _separate_ somehow. Kurt is aware of his feet, almost tripping in their haste, carrying him towards the sound, from one moment into the next, but that memory keeps playing in his mind.

He finally reaches the intersection where the car has crashed a little into the right swing and halfway onto the pavement. Kurt's stomach turns and he almost slips on the icy road, when he sees that the car has completely overturned. He somehow manages to wrench open the passenger door and all he sees is that Blaine isn't moving. Kurt is so preoccupied with getting Blaine out of the car – and that first, perfect moment plays over and over in his mind, and _please please don't let our last be a stupid fight_ – that he doesn't notice the change in his boyfriend; doesn't realize that the seventeen-year-old boy he knows has vanished, that the Blaine in the car is at least thirty years old.

.

* * *

><p><strong>So this was just a very short first part. Following parts will be much longer, I promise! The quote in the beginning is from 'Let Love In' by the Goo Goo Dolls. Fic title from 'Name' by the same band (don't ask me why I chose GGD, just got obsessed with the idea :p ).<strong>


	2. Part 2

Part 2

_When everything feels like the movies_

_._

The first thing Blaine is aware of when he comes to is the sound of a lot of people yelling in panicked voices. The next thing is that _wow_, he's uncomfortable, lying awkwardly on an uneven surface. His entire body is aching, and a sharp pain shoots from his ankle and up his leg, when he tries to shift. Realizing that his eyes are closed, he tries to open them, but finds his vision blurred. Suddenly he feels a sharp tug under his arms, as someone tries to move him, and he groans, because _ow_, his head hurts.

'Oh thank god,' a voice gasps near him. It might belong to the someone who is pulling at him, and there is something familiar about it, but Blaine can't quite place it. His head is throbbing and he has no idea where he is.

'You're- you'll be alright, honey,' that same voice breathes shakily, and at the endearment Blaine is sure his heart stops for a second, because only one person has ever called him that.

'Kurt?' Blaine says and in his mind he is shouting it, but it comes out closer to a whisper. 'What're you- I don't understand.'

'Shh, it's alright. You crashed your car, but you're okay. You're just in shock, I think.'

They are on the street now, Blaine realizes, as he feels hard asphalt beneath him. He still can't see properly out of both eyes. He lifts his hand to his eye and feels something warm and sticky. Blood, he guesses.

'Oh,' he says dumbly.

.

* * *

><p>.<p>

Kurt is cradling Blaine in his arms, finally able to think again. _He's alright, he's alright_. Blaine has what looks like a split eyebrow and there is blood pouring into his eye, and he might have a few bruises here and there, but Kurt feared so much worse when he saw the overturned car.

'I'm so sorry,' he tells Blaine once his breathing has slowed down enough. 'It was a stupid argument. I'm sorry I yelled.'

He is aware that a small crowd of people has gathered around them, but Kurt only has eyes for the boy in his arms. The boy whose brow furrows in confusion at Kurt's apology.

Wait. Not boy. _Man_.

Kurt's mouth drops open at the realization. He didn't notice it before, because he was so busy making sure that his boyfriend was alright, but the Blaine in his arms is not the same Blaine who stormed out of the house not ten minutes ago. He's wearing the exact same clothes, but they sit differently on him; the jacket, that used to fit him comfortably, now stretches a lot more tightly across his chest and shoulders; and Kurt thinks Blaine's legs might be slightly longer as well, though he can't be sure because Blaine's pants are always too short anyway. Kurt's gaze turns to Blaine's hair, and he wonders how he didn't notice the change right away with how different it is; it's still well groomed, but the gel is gone and Kurt marvels for a second at his boyfriend's natural curls. Blaine's face is what really betrays the change though; light stubble is noticeable across his face, and he looks, well not _old_, but older, by at least ten years.

Kurt feels his throat constrict and his eyes burn with tears begging to be shed. This is all too much. First the fight, then the crash and now _this_. _What is happening? _Kurt thinks he might be going crazy, because this cannot be real. Blaine is whimpering slightly in his arms, his vision still partially obscured by the blood. Kurt's mind is racing, wondering what all this feels like from Blaine's perspective. Then he hears his name called from the crowd, and he looks up to see Finn rushing over.

'Dude, what happened? I was just coming home and I saw all these people. Is he alri-' Finn falters and at least Kurt knows he isn't going crazy. 'Whoah! What the hell?'

Kurt, not sure he can speak, just shakes his head, still holding on tightly to the man in his arms.

'Kurt, what the hell?' Finn presses.

'I don't know Finn!' Kurt is crying in earnest now. 'He was like this when I pulled him out.'

Kurt's head is swimming with everything that's happening, and the buzz of his curious neighbors around him is making it impossible for him to think straight. Finn isn't particularly helpful, opting to just stare open-mouthed at Blaine.

'Help me get him inside,' Kurt says, scrambling to get to his feet. They can't stay out here; that much he knows.

'But the ambulance? Shouldn't he go to the hospital?'

'_No. Are you insane?_' Kurt hisses. He doesn't know what would happen if he brought Blaine in like this, when he is supposed to be seventeen, and he would rather not find out. 'Besides he's not seriously hurt. We can take care of him.'

Finn still looks doubtful, but, apparently recognizing that Kurt isn't to be argued with, he acquiesces and helps Kurt get Blaine to his feet and together they start towards the house. Kurt sees some of his neighbors about to protest, but he silences them with a glare. Finn and Kurt support Blaine as well as they can, but Kurt notices Blaine wince every time he puts weight on his left foot.

'Hang on, we're nearly there,' Kurt assures him.

'Where's 'there'?' Blaine asks, still sounding a bit dazed. 'Kurt, I'm really confused.'

'My place,' Kurt says, not even attempting to relieve Blaine's confusion, feeling just as confused himself. He's just glad that his dad and Carole are in Columbus for the week, because that is a complication he does not need right now.

They walk a few moments in silence, before Finn speaks for all of them when he says, 'This is really weird.'

.

* * *

><p>.<p>

A little while later Blaine has been led to a couch in someone's living room. From what he can see, he thinks it might be Burt and Carole's old house, but that doesn't really make sense, because as far as he knows they don't even live in Lima anymore. He sighs and leans back into the couch. Nothing is making sense right now. He hears Kurt talking to Finn in a low voice somewhere in the next room. Then the front door opens and closes and the house goes quiet, and Blaine wonders if he has been left alone. Or if maybe he dreamed it all, and when he opens his eyes, he'll find himself back in New York, waking from an elaborate booze dream.

'Hey.' Kurt is there again his hands placed gently on Blaine's knees – real then. 'Lean forward for me. I need to clean your face.'

Blaine does as he is told and lets Kurt clean him up, the cool washcloth a welcome relief to his throbbing head. Kurt works in silence, but every now and then Blaine thinks he hears him take a sharp breath like he's about to say something.

'There. All better,' Kurt says as he finishes putting a band-aid on Blaine's split eyebrow. He's clearly going for chipper, but Blaine doesn't miss the tension in his voice. 'You can open your eyes if you want.'

Blaine does.

.

* * *

><p>.<p>

Blaine blinks a few times, getting used to having his full vision back, but soon he's looking around the room, a light frown on his face. Then he seems to notice that Kurt is standing in front of him and he looks up, meeting Kurt's gaze. Blaine's eyes grow wide and his mouth forms a perfect 'o'. Kurt probably would have found the expression amusing if the situation weren't so... bizarre.

'I'm dreaming,' Blaine declares after a few moments pass in which neither does anything but stare at the other. 'Or I'm tripping or dead or _something_, because this absolutely _cannot_ be real.'

Blaine is white as a sheet and clearly freaking out. Kurt is kind of freaking out, too, but he has already had his 'initial shock' reaction, and now he's feeling surprisingly mellow about the situation.

'I'm pretty sure it's real, Blaine,' he says quietly.

'No, no, no,' Blaine is repeating over and over, looking anywhere but at Kurt now, and for a moment Kurt forgets this Blaine's age, because he looks so _lost_. 'This is- I can't be here.'

Suddenly Blaine shoots to his feet and heads for the door. However, he barely makes it three steps before he nearly topples over, face grimacing in pain. In a second Kurt is by his side, catching him and helping him back down on the couch.

'I forgot about your ankle,' Kurt says apologetically. 'Let me take care of it. I'll be right back.'

Kurt heads to the bathroom, and from the hall he hears a long exhausted exhale from Blaine. In the bathroom Kurt is quick to find what he needs, but before heading back downstairs he takes a moment and allows himself to breathe and gather his thoughts for the first time since the shouting had begun. He looks at his watch. Nine thirty. Three hours ago he and Blaine were in the kitchen, goofing around and attempting to stay serious long enough to finish cooking dinner. Then the stupid argument happened, and at this point Kurt barely even remembers what started it. And now he's here with a suddenly much older Blaine, who is at once so familiar and yet a complete stranger. And where is _his_ Blaine? What is he thinking? Or is he just... gone? Kurt barely manages to suppress a sob at the thought. It won't do to fall apart right now.

Back downstairs Kurt is relieved to find Blaine sitting calmly, if somewhat stiffly, where Kurt left him, his immediate panic apparently abandoned. Kurt sits down next to Blaine, and motions for him to rest his foot in Kurt's lap. Blaine does so, twisting his body gingerly and wincing a little. Kurt removes Blaine's shoes and his left foot's sock as carefully as he can, but he senses Blaine bite back a groan all the same.

'Sorry,' Kurt murmurs before he begins examining the foot in an effort to determine whether the ankle is broken or just sprained. Back when he was still being thrown in dumpsters, regular injuries to wrists and ankles created a need to be able to tell a break from a sprain, so Kurt is fairly confident in his own judgment. He checks for swelling and bruising, before twisting the ankle this way and that, gauging the pain level from Blaine's reaction. Blaine winces at that but otherwise stays quiet the entire time. Finally Kurt asks him to check if he can move the foot without assistance. Blaine looks like he would rather not, but he moves it, biting his lip as he does.

'Well, it looks like it's just sprained,' Kurt says. 'Which hurts like hell, but you won't need to see a doctor for it. Let me just bandage it up for you.'

Kurt wants to be more tender than he is. He hates seeing Blaine in pain and it makes him want to press his lips to Blaine's hurting ankle, while they both pretend he can just kiss it better. But he doubts that would be appropriate right now, so he's holding back. Instead he sets to work bandaging up Blaine's foot like he would Finn's or Rachel's. He's halfway done, when Blaine finally breaks the silence.

'Where's Finn? I remember him being here.' Blaine speaks quietly, and there's a certain politeness to his tone that Kurt hasn't heard since they first met. He tries to ignore the way it makes him feel.

'He went to take care of things,' Kurt says simply. 'The car and all that.'

'Oh,' Blaine says and Kurt can tell that he's wrestling with a thought. 'Is that, uh...wise?'

Kurt snorts despite himself, because he can see what Blaine means.

'He'll be fine. Speak of the devil,' he says when he hears the front door open and close. 'Everything okay?' he calls.

'Yeah, yeah. I mean, I think so.' Kurt can practically hear the frown in his voice. Finn steps into the living room and gestures to Blaine who has his back to him. 'So, is he still- I mean-' Kurt merely raises an eyebrow. 'I thought maybe he would be better by now.'

'This isn't a case of the hiccoughs, Finn,' Kurt says with a roll of his eyes, as Finn sits down in an armchair. Although he has to admit that the idea that Blaine would magically be back to normal by now is no more ridiculous than the fact that this is happening in the first place. 'Alright. You're done,' he says as he finishes his work on Blaine, patting Blaine's leg gently.

'Thanks,' Blaine says, not meeting Kurt's eye. He snatches his feet away and places them gingerly back on the floor. Kurt's lap feels oddly light without the pressure there. 'So guys,' Blaine says after a moment's silence. 'Could we, uh, maybe talk about this? I mean, what's happening.'

Before Kurt can form a thought, let alone respond, Finn is speaking.

'Time travel,' he says, like it's the most obvious thing in the world. Like he just told them that the sky is blue.

'Come again?' Kurt snorts.

'Time travel,' Finn repeats.

'Right. Of course.' Kurt's voice is dripping with sarcasm. 'Blaine just hopped in his DeLorean and hitched a ride back in time.'

'Dude, I'm serious,' Finn says earnestly. 'I don't know how or why, but it's the only thing that makes sense, isn't it? Do you have a better idea?'

'It's just-' Kurt doesn't know how to reply, because he realizes that Finn is probably right, and he isn't even really sure why he's fighting it. 'This is just so insane. When did _time travel_ become an acceptable answer to _anything_?' he asks, exasperated.

'Right about the time your boyfriend turned up looking suddenly fifteen years older,' Blaine supplies, then, 'What year is this? 2011?'

'2012,' Kurt corrects quietly.

'Time travel it is, then,' Blaine says simply. 'It was 2027 when I woke up this morning.'

'But...it can't be,' Kurt breathes as he sinks back into the couch. Of course, if he's honest, he has known it since he noticed that his Blaine was gone, and how confused this other Blaine was, but it doesn't make hearing it said out loud sound any less ridiculous.

'Finn's right. It's the only logical answer.'

Finn's face lights up with an obvious self-satisfied smile, and the corners of Kurt's mouth twitch a little, he can't help it.

'I guess.' Kurt sighs. _Time travel_. _Logical_. Now, those are words he never thought he would hear in the same sentence, unless they were separated by a _not_. God, his head hurts. But suddenly a thought occurs to him and he looks at Blaine excitedly. 'What are we like?'

'What?' Blaine clearly doesn't follow.

'You and me. What are we like? What are we doing? Are we married yet? We must be. God, I wanna know _everything_.' Kurt is talking fast and high-pitched, unable to hide his excitement. No one else has ever had the chance to get a sneak peek at their future like this.

Blaine is still for a moment, his face unreadable.

'Kurt, you know I can't tell you that,' he says evenly.

'What? Why?' Kurt all but whines, not bothering to hide his disappointment.

'Because of the... Space. Time. Thing. And paradoxes.' Blaine makes a noise of frustration in his throat. 'Look I'm no expert, but I'm pretty sure, in the movies, telling someone their future never ends well.'

'But-' Kurt is about to protest but Finn interjects.

'Come on, Kurt. You know he's right. You don't want to go there.'

'Alright, alright,' Kurt throws his hand up in defeat. 'You can't blame a guy for being curious.' He pauses and then adds, 'So what's next? What do we wanna do?'

Blaine pinches the bridge of his nose, eyes half-closed. 'I think,' he says slowly. 'I think maybe we should all get some rest before tackling that question, 'cause I honestly have no idea, and I'm tired as hell right now.'

Kurt blinks. Blaine doesn't swear, ever. For him, saying 'hell' in a non-religious context is akin to dropping the f-bomb.

'Probably time lag,' Finn says with a goofy grin, and two heads turn to look at him questioningly. 'Like jet lag, except from time travel.'

Kurt's instinct is to roll his eyes at his brother, but Blaine smiles indulgently at him. Kurt has the sudden thought that Blaine would be great with kids, and he's burning to ask if in the future he and Blaine have kids, or are at least thinking about it.

'I'll make up the couch for you,' is what he says instead, before excusing himself to go upstairs to find linen. He hears Finn mumble something to Blaine before he follows Kurt upstairs.

'Are you okay?' Finn asks Kurt, as they stand in front of the open linen closet, worry in his voice.

'Yes, Finn, I'm fine,' Kurt replies dismissively, as he eyes the contents of the closet. 'I'm not the one with a sprained ankle and _time lag_.' He bites his lip, because he knows that isn't what Finn meant. His voice is softer when he continues. 'Sorry. It's just so...' he searches for the word. '_Much. _In every way. It's amazing. Having him here like this. So _grown_. And so Blaine, and yet-'

'Not,' Finn supplies.

_Yes_. Why does this make him so sad?

'We'll get him back.' Finn puts a hand on Kurt's shoulder, squeezing gently. 'Our Blaine. We'll get him back. Somehow. I promise.'

.

.

A little while later Kurt is lying awake in his bed, tossing and turning. He can't stop thinking about his Blaine, stuck somewhere (somewhen?) unfamiliar, maybe scared and confused. Kurt's stomach twists and his heart aches. He knows that Blaine can't have died or anything, or else surely Blaine couldn't be here right now some thirty years old (or could he? I'm working off my knowledge of time travel in fictional stories, what is my life?), but apart from that anything could have happened, and Kurt is worried, and he misses Blaine. He thought he learned what missing his boyfriend felt like last month when Blaine was out of school because of his eye injury. He had no idea. This. Kurt has never felt farther away from Blaine. Literally. What he wouldn't give to be able to reach out and hold his Blaine now. In the end Kurt tells himself that everything will look better in the morning, they will figure this out, and he falls asleep to the comforting thought that wherever Blaine is, Kurt's own older self will be there to take care of him.

.

* * *

><p><strong>Quote this time is from 'Iris' by the Goo Goo Dolls.<strong>


	3. Part 3

Part 3

_Everything shines, but leaves me empty still_

_._

When Blaine wakes the next morning, it's to the smell of someone cooking what seems like all his favorite breakfast foods. It takes him a moment to remember where he is, and then; _Kurt – eighteen-year-old Kurt. _At the thought a moment of dizziness washes over him, not helped by the sudden headrush as he sits up a little too quickly. Blaine sits for a moment, bracing himself for the day ahead, and he prays that it might somehow end with him back in his own bed. He eyes his clothes from yesterday, lying neatly folded (Kurt's doing) in an armchair, but decides against putting them on. They are used, dirty, a little small and slightly bloody. Not to mention it felt oddly creepy last night, wearing his own younger self's clothes. Wearing sweat pants and a t-shirt from Kurt's closet also makes him feel a little weird, but less so than his own clothes for some reason-

And he should probably stop obsessing about clothes so much.

Shaking his head at himself a little, Blaine gets up and pads into the kitchen, careful not to put too much weight on his left foot.

Kurt is pottering around in there, doing, it seems, a thousand things at once, and humming a merry Broadway tune, which Blaine would try to remember the name of, except the sight of Kurt sort of distracts him. He looks so... _alive_ is the word his mind settles on.

'Morning,' Kurt calls cheerily above the sputtering from the frying pan, when he spots Blaine.

'Kurt, are you cooking breakfast?' Blaine asks – which is of course a dumb question, but it's the only thing he can think of to say.

'Mmhm,' Kurt replies simply without taking his eyes off his work. 'Sit down. It's almost done.'

'But you never make breakfast.' Blaine is still hovering in the doorway. 'I mean, not like this.' This seems a little elaborate, even for Kurt.

'I felt inspired,' Kurt shrugs.

Blaine sits down, still a little puzzled. From his place at the table, he observes quietly as Kurt finishes up, still humming and brimming with barely contained energy. There is an excitement about him that Blaine didn't see yesterday, except when Kurt asked about their future – and _oh_, suddenly Blaine gets what Kurt is doing. He watches Kurt work at the stove, and he wants to just give in to the fantasy; he wants to get up from where he's sitting, wants to wrap his arms around Kurt's waist and kiss the back of his neck until Kurt lets him taste whatever it is he's stirring there. But there are about a hundred reasons why Blaine can't do that.

So he doesn't.

Luckily Blaine is saved from having to reign himself in for long, because Kurt soon finishes and then breakfast is served. Or maybe that should be "breakfasts" because apparently Kurt has made _everything_; from scrambled eggs to waffles to regular toast. Blaine raises an eyebrow as Kurt sits down opposite him.

'Uhm, yeah,' Kurt grins sheepishly. 'I couldn't decide what to make, and I, um, may have gotten a little carried away.'

Blaine bites his lip for a second, before saying, 'Kurt, we're not married.'

Kurt hesitates, and it's clear to Blaine that this isn't the reaction Kurt was hoping for.

'I know. But we will be some day,' Kurt replies softly, before he reaches across the table to grab Blaine's hand gently, and Blaine forgets to shy away from the gesture. 'And now you're here _like this_, and it just makes me think about it. I know it's silly and kind of cheating, but is it so wrong for me to want to pretend for a while that we're already there?'

'We should be figuring out a way to get me home,' Blaine says, pulling his hand away. 'Not role playing.'

He says it a little harsher than he intends to, and Blaine can see the hurt flash across Kurt's eyes. However, it's over quickly, as Kurt counters, undaunted and voice unwavering, 'Of course, I'm not arguing against that, but I have no idea where to even start. And unless you do, I think we're better off waiting for Finn to wake up. I'm pretty sure he's watched more science-fiction movies than the two of us put together. Until then,' Kurt's voice softens again until it's almost pleading, and he looks Blaine in the eye. 'Please just let me have this?'

Blaine, still unconvinced, lets a moment pass, but then Kurt adds another 'Please?' and with a flutter of Kurt's eyelashes the last of Blaine's willpower crumbles.

.

.

It's a little awkward at first and Blaine isn't really sure what Kurt actually expects from him, but before long they settle into a dynamic that feels startlingly easy and normal, everything considered. They eat breakfast together, Blaine marvelling out loud at Kurt's cooking skills and Kurt filling Blaine in on exactly when in 2012 he has landed (March 24th, a little over a month after Regionals and Finn and Rachel's non-wedding). It's strange, though not entirely uncomfortable, reminiscing with Kurt about events that, to Blaine, are fifteen years in the past, but have only just happened to Kurt. Blaine even forgets to be annoyed when Kurt keeps trying to coax information out of him by asking question after question but disguising them as casual remarks.

When they have both finished stuffing themselves silly, Blaine does the dishes, while Kurt packs away the (many, _many) _leftovers.

'I don't mean to blow my own horn here,' Kurt says, mouth full of something. 'but these waffles are _to die for_. Did you even have any?' Kurt feigns hurt.

'I'm sorry, baby,' Blaine replies from the sink, voice full of mock sadness. 'I was a little busy tasting the other ninety-nine things you made. But I'm sure they're amazing.'

'Mm, they are,' Kurt says around another bite, packing forgotten for the moment. His voice is low, emitting the most loud, exaggerated moans of pleasure, sounding positively obscene, and it's doing things to Blaine. Very, very wrong things. When Kurt has swallowed he prepares another bite, before asking Blaine, voice light and innocently teasing. 'You want?'

Blaine forces his voice to sound airy and unaffected, when he replies. 'I would, but – you know.' He holds up his wet, soapy hands.

'Oh my, what a pickle,' Kurt says in a dramatic voice, but then he walks over to Blaine and holds up a small piece of waffle. 'Open up.'

And before his brain has a chance to catch up with the situation, Blaine opens his mouth and allows Kurt to feed him, his tongue accidentally brushing over Kurt's fingers.

'Well?' Kurt asks.

'Divine,' Blaine replies with a smirk, but the short silence that follows allows his brain to catch up, and he is suddenly all too aware of how close he and Kurt are standing – close enough that Blaine can feel Kurt's breath on his nose. And his own breathing has shallowed, he notes. This was not part of the plan. He meant to keep a distance, dammit. _Way to go, Anderson_. 'I should, uh- dishes.' _Smooth. Very smooth. Who's the teenager, again?_

_._

* * *

><p>.<p>

A little while later Kurt is sitting on the living room couch with Blaine. Well, _with_ might be an exaggeration, Kurt thinks, as while, yes, they are both on the couch, they are also on opposite ends, four feet of silence between them. Blaine is pressed almost ridiculously close against the armrest, and he is watching the reality show on TV with an interest that Kurt doesn't really understand (it's not like it's Project Runway or something). It isn't that Kurt wants to cuddle (though he does), but it's a little confusing to say the least, as Blaine seemed a lot more comfortable during breakfast. Not to mention afterward when they had almost-

_He's freaked out about almost kissing me_.

Why should he be though? It wouldn't be cheating, not really. And sure, the age difference is a bit weird, but Kurt is eighteen, and it's _them_. Kurt and Blaine. Blaine and Kurt. Surely the two of them could never be anything but right.

Kurt realizes that he has been staring blankly at the screen for several minutes, not taking in a single thing. He steals a glance at Blaine, who still seems to be watching avidly. When he senses Kurt looking, however, he turns his head and asks with a small smile, 'What?'

Kurt just has time to register that at least Blaine is at ease enough to be smiling at him, but then he loses every train of thought, because _hello, Blaine's smile, how did it get even cuter?_ and now he can't remember if he actually meant to say anything.

'Nothing. I was just- I mean, you- Nothing. Never mind.' Kurt feels heat rise in his cheeks.

'Okay,' Blaine says slowly, eyes laughing and the corners of his mouth twitching, but turning his attention back to the TV.

Kurt closes his eyes and lets out a small sigh of frustration. It isn't fair that he can't just lean (okay _crawl_ at this distance) over and kiss Blaine. But apparently when your boyfriend switches places with an older version of himself, there are boundaries. Who knew? If only Blaine hadn't aged so damned well. Seriously, time has been nothing but kind to Blaine, and how is that even possible? Blaine is perfection _now_.

Kurt tries to concentrate on what's going on in the show, but it's a fruitless attempt, as he just can't find it in himself to care. Stupid, handsome Blaine, possessing his thoughts. Two women are shouting at each other, and for a while Kurt tries to keep up and figure out what the problem is, but he's restless and his heart isn't in it. Without really thinking about it, he switches the channel, hoping to find a more enticing program.

'Hey, I was watching that!' Blaine exclaims, sounding scandalized.

'Were you now?' Kurt asks mischievously.

'Yes, I happen to not have seen this show in fifteen years.' Blaine's tone is serious, but there is an edge of humor to it, too. 'Now, give me that.'

As Blaine reaches for the remote, Kurt snatches it away with a smirk. For all Kurt's confusion and frustration about the situation, Blaine is still so easy to joke around with.

'Ooh, so it gets cancelled soon?' Kurt asks.

'I didn't say that,' Blaine says quickly, before straightening up from his futile quest for the remote.

'Well, not in so many words,' Kurt concedes, as he notices that Blaine is sitting a little closer now. 'But your meaning was pretty clear.'

'Not in any words, Kurt.' Blaine is inching closer, half an eye on the remote, which Kurt is clutching in his hand, resting in his lap. Kurt sees him loud and clear; Blaine never was very subtle. 'Stop reading into it.'

'Stop being evasive,' Kurt shoots back easily.

'Stop asking so many questions,' comes Blaine's prompt answer, as he makes another, half-hearted reach for the remote, which Kurt brushes away easily.

'Hey, I haven't asked any inappropriate questions since last night,' Kurt retorts indignantly.

'Well, not in so many words, but your meaning's been pretty clear,' Blaine replies smugly.

Blaine's remark catches Kurt a little off guard, and Blaine takes this opportunity make another dive for the remote. Kurt – fully committed to this little game of war – defends his precious remote, and somehow he ends up on his back, his arm thrown back across the armrest. He giggles at the frown on Blaine's face, but then Blaine lunges again, and this time he ends up on top of Kurt, stretching across him and reaching for the remote in Kurt's hand.

'You're still so short,' Kurt giggles again.

'Shut up.' Blaine lets out a breathy laugh, before he reaches again, at the same time as Kurt, deciding that he should probably try and throw Blaine off, bucks his hips. _Oh_. Kurt lets out an involuntary moan, and his eyes snap to Blaine's, who has stilled.

'I'm sorry,' Kurt says. 'I didn't mean-'

But then Blaine's lips are on his, and Kurt swallows the rest of his sentence. The kiss is tentative at first, but when Kurt responds, it soon becomes hungrier, and Kurt feels Blaine's tongue, begging for entrance. It doesn't take long for him to comply, and then they're kissing deep and desperate, a mix of new and familiar. Kurt feels Blaine's heavy weight on him, covering him like a blanket, and somewhere along the way Kurt must have dropped the remote, because then one hand is cupping Blaine's face, while he tangles his fingers in Blaine's hair (_mm, no gel_), pulling him closer, with the other. Blaine is moving against him, and Kurt bucks his hips again, desperate to be _closer, closer, closer_. Blaine groans audibly at the contact, but then all of a sudden he breaks the kiss and scrambles off Kurt.

'Crap. Oh, god. Shit, _shit_. That shouldn't have happened. Shit.' Blaine is back on his feet, pacing and injury apparently forgotten. Kurt doesn't think he has heard Blaine swear that many times in his life, let alone in the space of five seconds. 'Kurt, I'm so sorry.'

'Well, I'm not.' Kurt sits back up with a grin in his face, but he removes it when Blaine just looks at him blankly. 'What's the big deal?'

'This is just all wrong. We shouldn't be doing this.'

'Why though?' Kurt implores sincerely, now getting to his feet, too. 'It's not like we're cheating, is it?'

'Except it is, Kurt. Don't you see how fucked up this is?'

'No,' Kurt says firmly, taking a step closer. 'I just see you. And besides, what do you think old me and young you are doing right now?'

'Not this,' Blaine says with a shaky, humorless laugh.

'I still don't-'

'Kurt, can we please just drop it?' Blaine cuts in, voice raised and Kurt recoils slightly. 'Sorry, it's not you. I just- this can't happen again, okay? And it doesn't matter, anyway. I won't be here for long, and you'll have your boyfriend back soon enough. Then you – we – can kiss all you want. Just- no more games.'

'I- okay,' Kurt says, even though he still doesn't really understand.

Silence falls between them again, the only sound coming from the tv where a colorful commercial is currently playing, complete with an annoyingly cheerful jingle. Kurt doesn't know whether to feel awkward or amused at that, but the corners of Blaine's mouth are quirking in a tentative smile, as he asks if he can take a shower. 'I'm kind of gross,' he says.

'Gross? Never,' Kurt winks at him without thinking. He catches his tone and continues in a more neutral one. 'Of course, go ahead. I'll lend you some clean clothes, if you want?'

'That's okay,' Blaine says as he heads into the hall. 'I'm thirty-two and you were always skinnier than me, anyway. I wouldn't want to ruin your clothes. I'll ask Finn.' Kurt's distaste must show in his face, because Blaine laughs then. 'Don't worry. I should probably keep a low profile while I'm here, so it's not like I'll be out in public in Finn's clothes.'

'What are you saying about my clothes?' Finn's bleary voice asks from the top of the staircase.

'Nothing, Finn,' Blaine says, climbing the stairs and smiling fondly at Finn. 'Your clothes are lovely,' he says as they meet in the middle. 'Okay if I borrow some?'

Finn, definitely not a morning person (and it's at least eleven, Kurt notes with an internal roll of his eyes), just nods his okay while he stifles a yawn. Blaine disappears upstairs, and Kurt is left with an uneasy feeling as he follows Finn into the kitchen and helps him dig out this morning's leftovers. Most of the time he has been here, Blaine has been acting perfectly normal and friendly, if a little distanced. However, over the course of Kurt's relationship with him, romantic and friendly, Kurt has learned a lot of things about Blaine; most importantly that Blaine has a lot of masks.

Perfect son.

Perfect student.

Confident gay teenager.

The perfect performer.

Not a lot of people get to see what's going on beneath all that. Kurt does, and Blaine lets him. The point is, Kurt thinks as he watches Finn, who is happily tucking into his breakfast, that Blaine is good at pretending, and if Kurt didn't know that, he might not have thought a lot of it, when Blaine was so beyond freaked upon first seeing Kurt, and when he reacted so violently to their kiss. Kurt knows that it doesn't have to mean anything at all. That of course being faced with a young version of his boyfriend would freak Blaine out, just like Kurt was freaked out at seeing an older version of his. That despite Kurt's own feelings on the matter, Blaine is perfectly within his right to not want to get too physical with his teenaged boyfriend. But still, Kurt – though he doesn't know what – can't shake the feeling that something is very, very wrong here.

.

* * *

><p>.<p>

Blaine takes his time showering, enjoying the time to himself. He supposes he should be grateful to be back here. It's a chance most people would kill for, isn't it? Reliving their youth, savoring the simplicity of a time before you had to grow up and face the realities of adulthood. And Blaine does savor it, he does. But for him to truly lose himself here, the way he almost did, and the way Kurt obviously wants him to... tempting as it is, there are so many reasons why he can't.

Shouldn't.

Won't.

When Blaine has finished showering and dressed in some of Finn's old clothes, he goes back downstairs, figuring that Finn will be awake enough now that they can start to put together a plan. He finds Kurt and Finn in the kitchen, Finn finishing up breakfast and Kurt clutching a cup of tea, and Blaine's stomach does a little swoop at the surreality of the situation. He sits down next to Finn.

'So I guess we should- discuss things?' Blaine says. 'Any ideas?'

After a brief moment Finn says carefully, 'I think if we're going to have any chance at switching you back, we first need to figure out how it happened in the first place. Why now.'

At Finn's words something in Blaine stirs.

'Fifteen years exactly,' he says, looking at Kurt, who tilts his head in a question. 'You said today is March twenty-fourth, right?' Kurt nods. 'That makes yesterday the twenty-third, which was also the date when I left 2027. And I think,' Blaine scrunches up his face, thinking back to yesterday before all this happened. 'I think it was about the same time of day as well. That has to mean something, right?'

'Yeah, yeah,' Finn agrees excitedly. 'It was weak point in time and space.' Blaine looks across the table, and he's sure that Kurt has to almost physically restrain himself from making a snarky comment. 'But I'm not sure that would be enough. What were you doing at the time?'

Kurt, obviously still so curious, perks up in interest. Blaine deliberates his answer for a moment, wary of saying too much.

'I was in Lima, actually. Visiting my parents.'

'Ooh, did I come with you?' Kurt asks.

'No.'

'Why not?'

'Kurt,' Blaine says sharply. 'Don't.'

Finn gives Kurt a look that might have been reprimanding, before he addresses Blaine. 'So this means both yous were in pretty much the same place, almost exactly fifteen years apart. What else?'

Before Blaine can answer, music sounds from the living room. Kurt looks confused for a second, but then comprehension dawns on his face. He goes to the living room and comes back a second later with Blaine's phone. 'Your phone. It's...'

_In your name and it's an honor, it's a shame but it's your honor_

Blaine looks at the phone in Kurt's outstretched hand for a second. Then, 'My dad.' He takes the phone, equal parts excited and terrified. 'Hello?'

'Hello, Blaine. It's your dad.' Blaine resists the urge to tell him that not only does Blaine have his father's number programmed into his phone like every other normal teenager, but it also comes with its very own ringtone. 'How are you?'

'What? Why?' Blaine asks before he can stop himself, knowing it's a little rude, but the question throwing him completely.

'We just wanted to make sure you're doing okay, while your mother and I are away for the week,' Blaine's father tells him, an odd contrast between his words and his semi-formal tone.

'You're at Cooper's?' he says, his words a question and a statement at the same time.

'Yes, Blaine. You know this.'

'Yes, of course.' Well, that makes more sense, then. Blaine always got along better with his brother than with anyone else in the family, and Cooper is the only one who was never once awkward about Blaine's sexuality. He's the perfect son in all the ways Blaine isn't, but he was always good about making sure their parents didn't forget their youngest. Blaine imagines that Cooper probably guilt-tripped their father into checking up on Blaine, because it's obvious that the man doesn't actually have anything to say.

'So is everything alright at home?'

'Yes.' For one fleeting moment, Blaine considers telling his father what's going on, but the next he almost laughs at himself. What good would that do? 'I'm with Kurt,' he says, more in order to say something than because he thinks his father needs to know this.

'I see.' His father's voice tenses, the way it always does when he's uncomfortable. 'Good. That's good. Well, I should go. I just wanted to check in.'

'Yeah, thanks.'

'Your mom and Cooper say hi.'

'Thanks.' Then, remembering his manners, he adds, 'Tell them hi from me, too.'

'Sure. Bye, son.'

'Bye, dad,' Blaine says, but by the time the words are out, his father has already hung up.

Silence has fallen in the kitchen, the other two just looking at him, not saying anything, and Blaine knows they feel sorry for him. 'Where was I?' he says, intending to pick up the conversation from before as though they hadn't all just witnessed an awkward phone call. 'Right. My parents.' He rolls his eyes a little, because apparently it won't be that easy for him to change the topic.

'I was visiting them, which is hardly my favorite activity at the best of times, and this...was not. Coop was there as well, and-' Blaine pauses, struggling to remember what went wrong – he and Cooper never fought – and to phrase it in a way that gets the point across, without revealing anything he shouldn't. 'Things just turned- I dunno... There was a fight, and I left rather quickly.'

'You crashed your car,' Kurt guesses.

Blaine just nods.

'We fought, too,' Kurt says in a hollow voice, eyes fixed on Finn's empty plate. 'I started it. And you stormed out,' he says, turning to Blaine. 'I'm sorry. I never should have let you drive off like that. And after Quinn-'

'Hey, it's not your fault,' Blaine says, as he reaches to touch Kurt's hand, softly caressing. 'It's funny, I don't actually remember that fight. But I'm sure I played a part as well. Two to tango and all that.'

'Wait, you don't remember it?' Kurt frowns. 'How can that be?'

'I don't know. Side effect?' Blaine shrugs. 'I haven't really done this before, you know.'

'So what _do_ you remember?' Kurt asks.

'Specifically? Not a lot, to be honest. It's all a bit blurred.' When Kurt looks alarmed, Blaine hastens to add. 'But it was fifteen years ago. Or it will be. You know what I mean. It would be more weird if I did remember a lot of details. I remember the big stuff. Regionals last month and all the crazy surrounding it. Our anniversary.' He smiles softly at Kurt and gives him a look that he hopes says that he remembers that night clearly, even if he can't say it with Kurt's brother in the room. Kurt seems reassured at this.

'But you don't remember being away? Or coming back?'

Blaine shakes his head. He searches his mind for something – anything – surrounding this whole mess. He thinks that he vaguely remembers a car crash when he was seventeen, but beyond that he's drawing a blank. He tries to think ahead to the time immediately after all this, when he would have returned, but it's like watching an out-of-focus film.

'I guess I blacked it out? Do you think-'

'Uhm, guys?' Finn says cautiously. 'This isn't really helping. Could we maybe get back on track?' Kurt looks at Finn as though he had forgotten he was there, and Blaine stops talking and motions with his hand for Finn to continue, looking at him expectantly. 'Right. So I think what we need to do is basically recreate the events that brought you here.'

'Are you suggesting that I get in another car crash?' Blaine asks uncertainly. That sounds like a really bad idea.

'No, not happening,' Kurt says firmly. 'Too dangerous.'

'Okay, so maybe not another car crash exactly. Maybe it's an adrenaline thing?' Finn offers, clearly not content to let the idea go entirely. 'Like, you could bungee jump or something.'

Blaine has the sudden image of himself preparing to do a bungee jump. First he snorts, because bungee jumping? So far from anything he would ever do – he's a _teacher_ for god's sake, and not even a cool one. Next he shivers, because _heights_.

'Even if that is what it takes,' he argues. 'Wouldn't the me in 2027 need to be doing it also? And all timed and everything?'

Kurt, who was looking hopeful for a moment, opens his mouth as though to speak, but closes it again, when no answer comes to him. How the hell are they going to pull that off? Finn frowns, looking thoughtful.

'Couldn't we just, like, ask someone to pass along a message?' Finn suggests, like the answer is simpler than everyone thinks.

'Pass along a message to 2027?' Kurt says, skepticism evident.

'Well, yeah. It's in the future, right? It can't be that difficult. We just need someone who isn't one of us – who isn't involved – to deliver a message at the right time, telling you what to do.'

He addresses the last part to Blaine, who ponders this for a moment. 'Would that work?' He looks at Kurt for his opinion.

'It's worth a shot, I guess.' He shrugs. Then after a moment, 'God, this is just so _weird_, discussing this for real.'

Blaine chuckles. 'Tell me about it.'

The three of them set to work, discussing their options. Finn really likes the bungee jump idea, but, much to Blaine's relief, Kurt shoots that down, reminding him off all the practicalities of setting that up. Blaine optimistically proposes that it needn't be anything that dramatic, as long as it's unusual enough and both Blaines are doing it at the proper time and in roughly the same place. They are in the middle of discussing what might constitute "unusual" enough, when Finn's phone rings.

'Ugh, it's Rachel.'

'Lovely,' Kurt snarks as Finn accepts the call. 'That better not be how you react when I call you,' he tells Blaine and they share an amused look before resuming their planning, while Finn speaks to Rachel.

'I'm sorry - yes, I know what time it is - I just... forgot.' Rachel's voice is shrill on the other end, and Finn makes a face. 'Rachel, I'm sorry. I just got distracted - no, not like that - just, you have no idea what happened last night - it's kind of complicated. Blaine-'

Finn falters, frowning at Kurt who is waving frantically at him, shaking his head. _Do not tell her_. Blaine silently agrees. The less people who know what's going on, the better. And Rachel isn't exactly known for keeping secrets.

'Finn?' Finn is holding the phone a little away from his ear and they can hear Rachel clearly enough to make out what she's saying. 'What happened? Is Blaine okay?'

Finn just looks confused and at a loss for what to say. Suddenly Kurt holds out his hand to Finn, his eyes bright with inspiration. Finn hands the phone to Kurt hesitantly, as though he thinks Kurt is going to say something that will get him in trouble.

'Hey Rachel,' Kurt says brightly. 'No, he's fine. Listen, I need you to do me a favor.'

.

* * *

><p><strong>Quote from 'Stay With You' by, yes, the Goo Goo Dolls. Please comment and tell me what you think so far! There will be eight parts all in all.<strong>


	4. Part 4

Chapter 4

_And now my head's been filled with doubt_

_._

'I _know_ how it sounds, Rachel. Please just do it anyway?'

Kurt's exasperated voice drifts from the living room into the kitchen where Blaine and Finn are still sitting. Kurt has been on the phone with Rachel for the last ten minutes, trying to get her to agree to take a message for Blaine, but wait fifteen years to deliver it. If she thinks that Kurt is messing with her or that he has lost his mind, Blaine doesn't really blame her.

'I think we over-estimated how easy this whole "sending a message to the future" thing was going to be,' Blaine tells Finn. 'Tell me again why one of you can't just do it?'

Finn hesitates for a moment, frowning as he searches for a way to explain it. 'It's because we're part of events. Like, we know what happens. And if we get involved in the future, we could end up influencing things even if we don't mean to. And to be honest,' Finn lowers his voice. 'I'm a little scared that Kurt is actually going to want to. Bad, _bad_ things could happen. Trust me, it'll be safer this way.'

Blaine isn't entirely sure that what Finn just said makes any sense, or that it hasn't just left him more confused, but he decides to just let it go, trusting that, in this case, Finn is the expert.

'Yeah, unless Rachel has Kurt committed for being out of his mind.' Blaine says as he hears Kurt's desperate voice from the other room, and he is only half joking. 'I don't think I need to tell you that that doesn't actually happen where I'm from.'

Finn holds up his hand and makes a face. 'Dude, spoilers.'

Blaine laughs a little then. If Blaine thought _he_ was uptight about talking about the future, Finn is even more so. He looks up, then, to see Kurt stepping back into the kitchen, phone in hand and looking exhausted.

'She wants to speak to you,' he tells Blaine, who takes the phone warily, and he has barely finished his 'hello' before Rachel is speaking to him in a worried but firm voice.

'Do you know what your boyfriend just asked me to do?'

'Erm, yes?' Blaine says, but he realizes that was probably the wrong answer when he hears a sharp intake of breath on the other end and quickly backtracks. 'But I don't know what it's supposed to say. That would defeat the purpose, wouldn't it?' he says nervously. 'It's – uhm – a game of sorts,' he adds wildly.

'Really?' Rachel says skeptically. 'Kurt told me it was a matter of life and death.'

'Well, that too.' Blaine grimaces. He really should have paid more attention when Kurt was speaking to her. 'You know how he hates losing.' Rachel lets out a small noise of assent, and Blaine lets a few seconds of silence pass. 'So you'll do it?'

Rachel sighs. 'I suppose. If it's that important to you.'

'Great! Thank you.' Blaine gives the thumbs up to Kurt and Finn, who are both following the conversation closely. 'We'll text you the exact message soon. Or I mean, Kurt will.'

'Okay, but don't rush on my account. And Blaine?'

'Yes, Rachel?'

'Next time you boys get bored just do what normal people do and play Scrabble or Clue or something.'

Blaine laughs lightly, bids Rachel goodbye and hands the phone back to Finn. Soon the three of them have put the finishing touches on their plan. The idea is to drive out to a bridge on the outskirts of town and have Blaine jump off it into the river below, and, if Rachel keeps her promise, fifteen years from now, the other Blaine will do the same. Blaine hates heights and as such they are hoping that the adrenaline rush as he jumps will be enough to make the switch back. They all agree, however, that they should wait until evening when there are fewer cars on the road to minimize the risk of being seen and someone stopping them.

And so, having an afternoon to pass, Blaine and Kurt find themselves alone in the living room once more, Finn having disappeared back upstairs. Kurt has brought down some of his homework and is sitting in one end of the couch, back against the armrest and his work propped against his bent legs. Next to him Blaine is idly flipping the channels on the TV, keeping half an eye on Kurt as he works quietly. It's almost comfortable, except that it isn't at all. Interacting was a lot easier earlier when they were planning and had a common goal. Now they're just...waiting, and neither of them really knows how to be around the other.

After zapping for a while, watching five minutes here, two minutes there, Blaine comes across a channel that has just started showing the 1961 film version of West Side Story, and he decides to watch it, figuring that it's been a while. A few minutes pass before Kurt looks up from his work to see what's happening on screen.

'West Side Story,' he says with a small smile, and Blaine knows that Kurt, too, is remembering their own version of the play and what it meant to them. 'You were such a good Tony.'

'Your Officer Krupke was better,' Blaine is quick to say. 'Shame you didn't get to sing though.'

Kurt just shrugs and returns his attention to his homework, apparently over the casting injustice by now. Truthfully, at the time of the play there was a small part of Blaine that was somewhat relieved Kurt didn't have a singing part, as Blaine felt he might have got distracted and missed his cues. He always had a soft spot for Kurt's singing.

When "Something's Coming", always a favorite of Blaine's, comes on a little while later, he turns the volume up a bit, causing Kurt to look up again.

'Sorry, does it bother you?' Blaine asks, suddenly feeling rude for seizing control of the Hummels' TV.

Kurt replies with a smile and a vague 'no' before turning once more to his school work. As the song continues, however, Kurt's eyes keep drifting back to the TV, never staying long on the homework in his lap.

'Sorry, it's disturbing you, I can tell. I'll just-'

'No, it's fine,' Kurt assures him, as he throws his homework aside and changes his position so he's facing the TV. 'Besides it's math. I've had enough brain teasers for at least a week. I'd rather watch this.'

Kurt nods at the TV and Blaine grins in response. It doesn't take long before they are both entirely engrossed in the film, and for a while it feels almost normal and Blaine nearly lets himself forget the bizarre situation they find themselves in while they laugh and reminisce about McKinley's production of the play. They compare performances, ('Remember Santana in this scene? She was _fierce,_' Kurt says, only to have Blaine remind him, 'Santana's always fierce. But yes.') discuss staging ('I don't care what anyone says, our "America" was epic.') and wardrobe.

'Oh god, remember the dress Rachel was wearing here? Absolutely hideous,' Blaine exclaims, feeling oddly cathartic at finally saying it out loud, having been too polite to say so at the time (it was _really_ bad, okay?).

Kurt snorts before agreeing, 'Definitely one of Artie's more questionable creative decisions. And it would have been completely distracting if it wasn't for you guys' acting. Especially yours.'

At his last words Kurt, sitting close enough that he can (how did that happen?), bumps his shoulder gently against Blaine's. It's light and almost teasing, but it's oddly intimate and Blaine can't help the shy smile and the flush that creeps into his cheeks. Kurt always had this way of making him feel special, when no one else could. Which he supposes is a bit backwards, because shouldn't he – logically – believe it more coming from someone who isn't watching through boyfriend-colored glasses? But that's how it is, how it's always been. Blaine is just about to say something modest, when Kurt speaks again, giddy this time.

'Oh my god, I love this song so much. Turn it up!'

Blaine obliges, and before he can process what is happening, before he can even begin to prepare or brace himself, Kurt is singing along to "I Feel Pretty". And it's not just the lazy hum from his cooking spree this morning; it's actual singing, though he makes it seem entirely effortless, and it completely floors Blaine. As his breath hitches, his first thought is that Kurt really should have warned him.

_You take my breath away_.

The words that were once spoken by Kurt himself now occur to Blaine (yes, he still remembers that, shut up), as he finds himself unable to stop staring at Kurt throughout the whole song.

'You're amazing, you know that?' The words tumble out of Blaine's mouth as Kurt finishes the song, and he thinks Kurt even blushes a little. It takes maybe three seconds for Blaine to realize what he just said and how he said it, and then his eyes widen, because he just got dangerously close to inappropriate _again_, and, wow, does he ever suck at taking his own advice.

Luckily Finn picks that moment to come thundering down the stairs and into the living room. He reminds them of the time and suggests they start getting ready. Blaine, glad of the distraction, quickly agrees despite being a little unsure what "getting ready" entails.

Half an hour later they have finished packing, led by a surprisingly in-charge Finn, who was the one to suggest that they bring towels and a dry set of clothes. Blaine is a little impressed with how well Finn has thought it through (or maybe he and Kurt just didn't think it through at all).

'Right. Let's go then,' Finn says as they are all standing in the hall, dressed and ready. Blaine thinks he must look pretty strange in Finn's old but for him still oversized clothes and his own younger self's too small jacket. 'Car keys?'

In front of him Kurt jangles the car keys in response. Kurt opens the front door and Blaine makes to follow him and Finn outside, when Kurt lets out a small squeal of surprise as he is confronted with someone standing just outside the door.

'Rachel!'

Blaine's eyes widen in panic, and he ducks behind Finn, hoping Rachel hasn't seen him.

'Okay, what's going on?' Rachel's tone is demanding, and Blaine can practically imagine her, hands on hips.

'Dude,' Finn says in a low voice at the same time as Kurt attempts to brush Rachel off. 'Hide. Kitchen.'

Blaine does as he is told and slips quickly into the kitchen from where he can still hear the conversation in the hall clearly.

'The truth. Now please.'

'By all means, come in,' Kurt says dryly, and Blaine realizes that Rachel must have invited herself in. Blaine looks at the clock on the microwave and feels panic rising in his chest. If Rachel keeps them here much longer, they are going to be too late.

'Rachel, what exactly do you think we're keeping from you?' Finn asks, adopting his best my-girlfriend-is-being-crazy voice.

'I don't know, but clearly something's going on!' Rachel sounds almost hysterical. 'First you forget to meet me, and then _you_ ask me to write down a message and keep it for _fifteen years_, and Blaine's being weird,and don't even get me started on the message itself. And then I hear there was a car crash last night?' She pauses to let out a breath. 'It all adds up, doesn't it?'

'To what exactly?' Kurt lets out a breathy laugh like he finds all this very amusing, but Blaine hears the tension underneath it. They _need_ to get going soon. 'You're not making any sense.'

'Where is he?' Rachel demands, clearly ignoring Kurt, and Blaine can tell from the way her voice reaches him differently, coming more through the other door now, that she must have moved into the living room.

'What makes you think he's even here?' Finn tries.

'Didn't say I did. But I do now. And there's that,' Rachel says like she's pointing at something, and it takes a second for Blaine to realize that his clothes from yesterday are still lying in there.

'Uh, that's-'

'Guys, _what_ is going on? Why won't you let me see him?'

'He's sleeping,' Kurt says suddenly. 'Yeah, he's really tired. You know, car crash and all. So if you could just come back later-'

'Let me see him.'

'Rachel, I told you. He's-'

'Tired, I know. I won't wake him, I swear.'

Blaine looks at the clock again. If he's honest, he's a little touched that apparently Rachel is this worried about him, but they really, really need to get going now. Maybe if he could just sneak to the front door unseen, he could drive to the river and do the whole thing by himself. It isn't ideal, of course, but what choice does he have? He can't stay in 2012 forever.

'He's _fine_, I promise,' Kurt says as Blaine re-enters the hall as quietly as possible. 'Everything's fine. He just- What are you doing?'

Rachel comes bursting back into the hall, headed for the staircase, and Blaine freezes as though he can make himself invisible by just staying still. But of course Rachel sees him and she immediately abandons her quest for the stairs.

'Blaine, there you are. What's-' She stops talking, and as Kurt and Finn join them in the hall, she looks back and forth between all three boys, her mouth hanging open. The room is silent for about ten seconds, while everyone ponders this new turn of events.

'We have to go.' Kurt is the first one to speak, and he grabs Blaine by the arm and drags him past Rachel through the still open front door. 'Come on, Finn.'

.

* * *

><p>.<p>

'Wait! I'm coming, too,' Rachel insists, joining Finn in the backseat. Kurt is about to tell her off, but she sends him a steely look that he catches in the rear-view mirror. 'Don't you dare try and stop me.'

'Fine.' Kurt rolls his eyes, before speeding out of the driveway. After a few minutes of silence he asks, 'How are we for time?'

'Twenty minutes,' Finn replies, eyeing Rachel beside him nervously. She has been uncharacteristically quiet these past few minutes. Kurt, watching her in the rear-view mirror, sees her mouth open and close a few times, but mostly she just looks confused.

'Just so you know,' Kurt tells her. 'If we're late, I'm holding you responsible.'

'Late for what?' Rachel's voice sounds surprisingly small. 'I don't even know what's going on.'

'It's complicated,' Finn tells her.

Kurt sighs as he slows down at a red light, before launching into speech, 'Blaine got switched with a thirty-two-year-old version of himself when they both had a car crash. And now we're trying to switch them back. That's what the message was for.'

'Okay, so maybe not that complicated,' Finn corrects, as Rachel closes her open mouth, but still staring wide-eyed at her boyfriend.

In the front seat Blaine lets a snort escape him, and Kurt giggles despite himself.

Despite everyone's panicking they arrive at the bridge with ten minutes to spare. They park at one end of the bridge and walk the rest of the way to the middle of it. Blaine walks to the edge and looks down, before quickly taking a few steps back, looking determinedly calm.

'You okay?' Kurt asks softly, and Blaine turns to face him. Finn is standing a little ways off, talking to a still wide-eyed Rachel, so Kurt and Blaine can talk privately.

'Yeah. It's just a bit higher than I thought,' Blaine replies, looking back off to the side of the bridge.

'That's not what I meant.' Blaine looks back at Kurt, brow furrowed. 'You've been quiet.'

Blaine just shrugs noncommittally. Kurt narrows his eyes at him for a moment, before he finally comes to a decision and asks what he's wanted to since this morning.

'Look, I'm sorry if this breaks some time travel code but, Blaine, I need to ask; is everything okay?' Blaine doesn't answer, doesn't meet Kurt's gaze, just hugs himself against the cold wind and looks around at the falling darkness. But Kurt presses on. 'You may be fifteen years older, but I like to think I still know you, and something's up with the way you've been acting. And I've tried to ignore it, and respect your wishes, but you've seriously got me worried here.'

Blaine meets Kurt's eyes for the first time then, a silent plea in his eyes. _Please don't make me talk about this_. But that look is exactly why Kurt has to.

'I know. Paradoxes.' Kurt throws one hand up in defense. 'But I'm not looking to change anything. I just need to know.' Kurt's overactive mind has been conjuring up all sorts of scenarios. Scenarios where people they know might be sick or dying or dead. Scenarios where none of their dreams come true and they're living in poverty, or- Suddenly a horrible thought occurs to him. 'Oh god, are you going to break up with me? Are we not together in the future?'

Blaine doesn't answer right away, just looks at him, an unreadable expression on his face. He looks like he's calculating his answer.

'That's it, isn't it?' Kurt's heart is racing furiously in his chest, and, as he feels unshed tears burn his eyes, he almost wishes he hadn't asked. _No wonder he didn't want to kiss me_, he thinks miserably. 'Oh, I'm so stupid, thinking you would just stay with-'

'Hey, no,' Blaine says gently, jumping into action and gripping Kurt's flailing arms. He looks Kurt in the eye before telling him firmly, 'I'm not going to break up with you.'

Kurt calms down immediately, his breathing evening out. Blaine lets go of his wrists and takes a small step back.

'Then what?' Kurt's breath hitches a little.

'Then nothing, Kurt. I'm fine. You're fine. If I've been acting weird, it because it's a weird situation. Don't worry, okay?'

Kurt looks into Blaine's eyes, searching them for- he isn't sure what, or if he finds it, but after a few seconds he nods silently.

'Two minutes, guys.'

They look up to see Finn approaching them, Rachel trailing uncertainly behind him. Blaine nods solemnly and starts removing his jacket and shoes. He steps back to edge and jumps on the spot a few times, shaking off his nerves. He climbs over the wall to stand on the small ledge on the other side. Kurt watches him as he takes a shaky breath and mumbles something like 'Don't look down.'

'You'll be fine.' Kurt runs a soothing hand along Blaine's back, and Blaine twists around slightly to look at him.

'Okay, any moment now,' Finn tells them, eyes on his watch.

'See you in fifteen years?' Kurt says, a small smile playing on his lips. Blaine smiles in return and nods at Finn and Rachel, before turning back to the task at hand.

He jumps.

.

* * *

><p>.<p>

Blaine's stomach lurches and he feels his adrenaline spike as he falls. A second later he hits the water and his first thought it is that he never ever wants to be a winter swimmer, because, _wow_, it's cold, and it's not even winter. Completely underwater, Blaine takes a few seconds to get his bearings, momentarily unsure which way is up. Then he kicks with his feet and a few moments later he gasps for air as he feels cool wind on his face. He squints up at the bridge, trying to ascertain whether it worked. If he's home now.

'Blaine?' Kurt calls uncertainly. Blaine can just makes Kurt out in the still falling darkness, and behind him are two other shapes – Finn and Rachel. Blaine feels his heart sink.

'Yeah. No. Still me. Sorry,' Blaine calls back before swimming to the shore and climbing up the hill to the bridge above. Shivering in his wet clothes, he makes it to the car where the others are already waiting for him. He accepts the towel from a dejected-looking Kurt and tries a smile. 'Apparently I'm not that easy to get rid of.'

Blaine gets dried off and changed in silence, feeling a little uncomfortable with three pairs of eyes on him. Finn watches him with a confused frown on his face. Rachel makes him self-conscious by looking him up and down, as though he were an interesting piece of art. Kurt is trying very hard not to look, Blaine can tell, biting his lip and averting his eyes every time Blaine catches him. The expression on his face is a strange mixture of curiosity and frustration, as his gaze finally drifts from Blaine to Rachel.

'This is your fault, you know,' he tells her harshly. 'You just _had_ to meddle, didn't you?'

Rachel looks affronted, and, despite the lurking conflict, Blaine is relieved as every pair of eyes leave him.

'Hey, don't look at me,' she says indignantly. 'I'm still going to deliver your stupid message. It's not _my_ fault your little magic trick didn't work.'

'Whatever,' Blaine hears Kurt mutter sourly, as Blaine pulls a sweatshirt over his head. When he emerges, Rachel's eyes are on him again, her expression softened.

'Blaine.' She smiles, stepping closer to him and Blaine looks at her uncertainly. 'I'm gonna hug you now, okay?'

'Er, okay,' he says, as she wraps her arms around his neck, hugging him tight, and he can't help but smile a little, even if he doesn't understand why Rachel is hugging him all of a sudden.

A little while later the four of them find themselves in a small diner, Kurt having remembered that they hadn't eaten dinner before they left home, and none of them really feel up to cooking now. At first they are all a bit jumpy, worried that someone is going to recognize Blaine and start asking questions, but after a few minutes they calm down a bit, figuring that they are so far from their usual haunts that the chances of seeing anyone they know are very slim.

It turns out to be a somewhat subdued affair. Blaine was supposed to be home now, Kurt reunited with _his_ Blaine. It was supposed to be over now. They didn't plan for this. Sitting here now, eating dinner in a grungy diner, feels a little anticlimactic.

Only Rachel seems unperturbed by their recent failure, as she talks in hushed excited tones. She asks question after question about the hows and the whens and the whys. Blaine allows the others to answer as much as possible, preferring to sit in his own thoughts, wishing it were over, that he were home. Of course Rachel being Rachel, she eventually starts asking questions of a different kind. _Do we win Nationals? How was my NYADA audition? How's my career? When was my Broadway debut? _Blaine very gently tells her that he can't answer that, and she reacts, much in the same way Kurt did, with a pout, which earns her a laugh from the others.

After they have all finished eating and the bill has been paid, Kurt and Finn are in the bathroom, while Blaine and Rachel wait by the exit.

'Are you okay?' Rachel asks him softly, concern etched on her face.

'I wish people would stop asking me that,' Blaine sighs, all but rolling his eyes at her. 'I just really wanted to go home. And now I don't even know how long it'll be before we figure it out.'

Rachel looks at him sympathetically and he has the odd feeling of being x-rayed, like she can look right through him. It's not a feeling he particularly likes.

'I get it. But in the meantime you get to hang out with Kurt at eighteen.' She pokes him playfully in the side. 'That can't be that bad, right?'

'No, he's...'

Blaine trails off as he sees Kurt emerges with Finn from the bathroom. Blaine isn't sure if he was agreeing or disagreeing anyway.

.

* * *

><p>.<p>

By mid-Sunday Kurt, Blaine and Finn are once again gathered around the kitchen table. Kurt goes into the discussion with a quiet sort of optimism, and Finn has apparently stocked up on enthusiasm in his sleep and is persevering undeterred. Blaine for his part is full of energy, too, but it isn't the usual bouncy happy energy that Kurt is used to. He seems oddly agitated and it makes Kurt think of a bomb that could go off at any moment.

They are joined this time by Rachel, who insisted on being let in on the discussions. Kurt likes having his best friend there, although admittedly she isn't particularly helpful, as she keeps asking questions that slow down the proceedings. And then there's that one time, half an hour in, when she loudly exclaims, like she thinks she has just struck gold,

'Maybe you should have sex!'

Next to her Blaine nearly chokes on his coffee, and Rachel absently pats him on the back, as she watches Kurt's incredulous expression.

'Hey, I'm serious. You said it's about adrenaline, right? Well...' She wiggles her eyebrows suggestively, and Kurt flushes. Next to him Finn is suddenly very interested in the pattern on his mug, and across from him Blaine looks rather like he wants to disappear.

'It's hardly the same thing,' Kurt manages to choke out.

'Well, then neither is a car crash and a jump off a bridge, but you tried that,' Rachel persists.

Kurt looks briefly at Blaine who is staring resolutely at a spot on the table, before saying tightly, 'Rachel, can we please not talk about this?'

'You don't have to be embarrassed. I know you guys have done it before-'

'Oh my god, Rachel, stop it!' Kurt stands up suddenly in frustration. For someone who has so often been described as prudish, Rachel is surprisingly up for _talking_ about things. 'It's not the solution, and it's not happening.'

'Why?'

Kurt feels it would be a little on childish side to say 'Because Blaine doesn't want to,' so he settles for a bitchy glare and an icy 'Because none of your business,' which finally shuts her up. He sits down again and looks around at the others, clearing his throat and asking as calmly as possible. 'So. Any other ideas?'

In the end they decide that they had the right idea with the bridge, but that maybe the details were off. Blaine reminds them that the switch didn't happen at exactly the same time, so perhaps they need to work that into their plan. Finn suggests that maybe the bridge wasn't high enough and they should try a different one a bit further outside town, which causes Blaine to pale considerably, but he eventually agrees. They also spend a lot of time on the wording of the message, making sure that it's as clear as possible.

'And we need to figure out who to ask this time, because apparently Rachel isn't going to work,' Finn says, which causes Rachel to cross her arms in a pout. 'No one's blaming you,' Finn tells her and Rachel throws Kurt a dirty look, which he ignores, because he does still sort of blame her. 'But we can't take any chances.'

'Maybe you could ask Cooper?' Kurt proposes to Blaine, as the latter pours himself another cup of coffee with one hand and taps his finger on the table with the other. _Okay, that's enough caffeine_, Kurt thinks to himself, and he almost takes the cup from Blaine, before he remembers that Blaine is a grown man, who doesn't need Kurt to babysit him. Blaine shakes his head no at Kurt's suggestion.

'If I could talk to him on his own, maybe, but he's with my parents right now. I really don't need the three of them thinking I'm insane or something.'

They spend some time discussing their options, most of them members of New Directions. Tina and Mercedes are ruled out with 'Too many questions, too gossipy' and Santana and Artie are deemed unlikely to agree at all. Brittany would probably agree, but she would be unlikely to keep it private, and too likely to forget or change the wording of the message. Finally Finn suggests Puck, saying that he and Finn are good enough friends that he would probably do it, but he also wouldn't ask too many questions (Rachel shifts uncomfortably in her chair), which they all have to agree with.

With the plan set, they just need to figure out when to carry it out. Blaine is practically out the door already, but he is reminded that Finn first needs to talk to Puck, and Kurt confesses that he's supposed to meet Tina later today for a glee club thing.

'I'm sorry, I'd have told you, but I really thought you would be back by now, and, uhm, I could cancel, but-'

'It's okay,' Blaine holds up his hand to stop Kurt's stream of apologies. 'Don't cancel. We'll just do it after. When will you be done?'

'Late probably? And I, uh, kind of have a ton of homework to-'

'Fine. Tomorrow after school then,' Blaine says irritably.

'And glee club,' Rachel whispers quietly.

'After glee club. Fine.'

And with that Blaine gets up and leaves to room, leaving his half-empty coffee cup behind.

'Is he alright?' Rachel asks, sounding concerned, as they hear him climb the stairs a moment later. 'He seems a little...on edge.'

'He's just getting impatient. We all are,' Kurt says. 'And it probably doesn't help that he has to stay in this house or risk causing a shitstorm if people start recognizing him.'

A few hours later Kurt is getting ready to head over to Tina's, and he feels a little bad about leaving Blaine behind. It's no wonder that Blaine is starting to feel a little claustrophobic at this point. Kurt voices his concern as he pops his head into the living room where Blaine has thankfully decided to rejoin Finn and Rachel.

'I'm not a child, Kurt. You don't need to feel guilty for leaving me alone,' Blaine tells him, doing his best to sound like he means it.

'Don't worry,' Rachel chimes in. 'I'll keep him occupied. I want his opinion on my NYADA audition piece, that I've been working on.'

'Oh. My sincerest sympathies,' he tells Blaine jokingly with a tip of his imaginary hat, which prompts Rachel to throw a pillow at him and Blaine to snort into his coffee, earning a him disapproving glare. 'I mean,' Kurt pretends to correct himself. '_Fun times,_' he says, no less jokingly than before and making little exaggerated jazz hands, before ducking out quickly lest Rachel throw something else at him.

.

.

Monday drags by much too slowly for Kurt's liking, his favorite classes boring today and his least favorite ones feeling twice as long as usual. Feeling restless in History class, listening to Mr. Smith (god, even his teacher's _name_ is boring), Kurt whips out his phone to text Blaine.

_I had no idea history could be this dull. Its almost interesting how bored I am. How r u?_

Kurt presses send and looks down at his notebook. Usually at this point, he has at least written _something_, but the page is completely blank today. After a few minutes of not taking notes, Kurt checks his muted phone to see if Blaine has replied, but he has no new text alert, and he doesn't get one for the rest of the class.

At lunch Finn joins him to tell him that he has sorted everything with Puck, having apparently found it surprisingly easy. Kurt nods tersely and checks his phone again.

'What's up?' Finn asks him.

'Blaine's not replying to my texts.' Kurt feels silly saying it out loud, realizing that it probably makes him sound like a needy girlfriend, but with the way Blaine was acting yesterday, his lack of reply is making Kurt a little antsy.

'Dude, he probably just doesn't know to check his phone.'

'I know,' Kurt breathes, but he still keeps checking his phone every five minutes for the rest of lunch and periodically throughout the day. When the bell signals the end of his last class of the day, Kurt is almost ready to forget about glee club and head home instead, but Rachel tells him very firmly that with Nationals coming up, skipping out on glee club is not an option.

'We need all hands on deck,' she tells him as she all but drags him towards the choir room.

'What, Blaine doesn't count?' Kurt says, hurt on his boyfriend's behalf and his mind drifting to _his _Blaine, and then feeling a little guilty for not having thought about him more these past few days.

Rachel tuts, 'You know what I meant.' She stops walking and looks at Kurt for a moment, then touching a reassuring hand to Kurt's arm. 'I'm sure he's fine, wherever he is. And you'll have him back tonight.'

'You don't know that,' Kurt says in small voice. 'That he's fine. He was in a car crash, remember?'

'Well, the evidence is sitting at home, perfectly fine and healthy.' She smiles sweetly.

'You don't think he's...different?' Kurt swallows. 'Off?' Rachel's eyes widen a little in response. 'You've noticed it too.'

Rachel shakes her head a little as though she's trying to swat off a fly and she starts down the hall again.

'Kurt, he's thirty-two. You can't expect him to be exactly the way he was at seventeen.'

'I know I should stop freaking out,' Kurt sighs, following her. 'It's just a feeling. Like he's... trying to hard or something.'

'He may be,' Rachel says reasonably as they reach the choir room. 'But he's out of his element. I mean, it's gotta be weird.'

'I know. I'm gonna stop worrying,' Kurt says, deciding once and for all to shelf the doubt in his gut and go with the evidence at hand. 'Blaine says he's fine, he's fine.'

With that in mind glee club turns out to be a pretty enjoyable affair. When his friends ask about Blaine, having somehow heard about the car crash (Kurt raises an eyebrow at Rachel who averts her eyes), he is able to calmly tell them that no, Blaine is not in a coma (Brittany), he doesn't need surgery again (Tina), that he'll be back in school soon (Mike), they don't need to collectively serenade him (Rachel – _what_?) and no, they don't need to kick anyone's ass (Puck).

When practice has ended and Kurt and Finn finally make it home, Rachel in tow, Blaine is waiting for them just inside the door, already wearing his shoes and in the process of pulling on his jacket.

'Hey, slow down, buddy,' Finn tells him. 'If we leave now, we're just gonna have to wait out there. I told Puck six o'clock and with the time-' he pauses, evidently searching for a word. '-discrepancy?' he looks at Rachel, who nods encouragingly. 'That's not until six forty-five for us.'

'Then we'll wait in the car. I don't care.' Blaine is practically jumping up and down. 'I've been holed up here on my own all day. I'd just really like to feel like there's a world outside this house. No offense.' He looks at Kurt, eyes alight with excitement. 'It's a lovely house. Just, you know-'

'I know,' Kurt grins at him. He can practically see an imaginary tail wagging. This is a Blaine he recognizes. He catches Rachel's eye and she raises an eyebrow in a manner that Kurt takes to mean 'See, what did I tell you?'

They decide to indulge Blaine and leave as soon as they have gathered everything they need. Rachel takes the front passenger seat this time, which leaves Blaine to sit with Finn in the back. Not that he does much actual sitting. Blaine is almost manic, bouncing around in his seat as much as the seat belt will allow him, and singing along to the radio. Finn is watching him with an amused expression, like Blaine is an overgrown, overexcited puppy.

'Dude, what's up with you? You're being totally-' Finn waves his arm in a vague gesture, apparently unable to find a strong enough word.

Blaine simply shrugs and grins. 'Just enjoying my last few hours in 2012.'

Kurt catches Rachel's raised eyebrow, and he suppresses a giggle, wondering vaguely if Blaine broke into his father's liquor cabinet during the day, but decides that can't be true, as Blaine hasn't tried to kiss anyone yet. Just as well. Kurt doesn't particularly need to see his boyfriend make out with his brother.

.

.

At six thirty-five they exit the car and make their way to the middle of the bridge. This one is much, much higher than the first one, and Blaine visibly pales as he looks over the edge, suddenly far less chipper. Kurt watches as again Blaine removes his shoes and his jacket, getting ready for a second time, before turning to face the group and say his goodbyes.

Finn claps Blaine on the shoulder, before Rachel pushes him aside and pulls Blaine into a tight hug. When she releases him, he steps over to Kurt, who is watching apprehensively, feeling his nerves start to build.

'For real this time?' Kurt says.

Blaine smiles, and he looks at Kurt a bit like he's trying to memorize every feature of his face. He takes Kurt's hand and squeezes it gently in response. Blaine steps up on the ledge, and lets out a shaky breath as his eyes can't help but dart downwards.

'Shit, that's high. You're sure it's safe, right?'

'You'll be fine. Just don't look down.' Kurt tries to sound reassuring, but he watches Blaine tremble in anticipation. 'How's the time?' he asks Finn.

'About one minute.'

'Okay. You okay up there?' he calls to Blaine.

'Shit no,' Blaine says with a half-hysterical laugh.

'Having second thoughts about my sex suggestion?' Rachel asks. Kurt throws her filthy look, and she throws her hands up in apology and mimics zipping her mouth shut.

'Fifteen seconds.'

'Okay.' Blaine lets out what is supposed to be calming breath. 'Just make sure I don't drown, okay?' he says, and, eyes closed, he jumps.

What feels like an eternity later, they hear a splash, telling them that Blaine has hit the water. They all hurry to the edge of the bridge and look down, anxious for him to reappear.

'You don't think he's passed out?' Rachel asks timidly, when several seconds have passed by. Kurt's heart is hammering in what feels like his throat, and it suddenly occurs to him that one of them should have been down by the shore, ready to jump in, in case something happened and Blaine didn't pop back up by himself. Kurt is almost about to do something, when Blaine finally resurfaces, and he breathes a sigh of relief.

'Is it- Can you see?'

Kurt squints trying to make out which Blaine is currently swimming to the shore, but they are so far up that it really could be either of them. They watch as Blaine starts to climb back up the slope.

'It's him. I think it is,' Kurt says excitedly and he begins to run towards the end of the bridge to meet Blaine. However, when Kurt gets a little closer he slows down, and he lets out a noise of frustration as he realizes that _again_ their plan has failed.

'Hey,' he says lamely, as he reaches Blaine, who is wet, muddy, shivering and still thirty-two. Kurt leads him to the car, and does his best to remain composed as he helps Blaine change out of his wet clothes. What the hell are they going to do now? Blaine remains silent as they rid him of all his wet clothes. By the time they finish, Blaine hasn't met Kurt's eye once, and Kurt takes in his still shivering form. 'Hang on, I'll see if we have a blanket in the trunk.'

Kurt moves around to the back of the car and opens the trunk. He rummages for a minute, before pulling out a blanket. It's old and musty, but it'll have to do. He turns around and finds himself face to face with Rachel, Finn shuffling his feet awkwardly behind her.

'Are you okay?' she asks gently.

'I'm fine. I'm not the one who just jumped off a bridge. Again. _For nothing_. Blaine's the one you need to worry about.'

'Yeah, where is he?' Finn cuts in, looking around the side of the car.

'What? What are you talking about?' Kurt says sharply, shutting the trunk and walking back to the passenger seat where he left Blaine. 'He's right-'

Except Blaine _isn't_ where Kurt left him. Confused, Kurt spins around on the spot, hoping to see Blaine somewhere, and Kurt sees him then, some hundred and fifty feet away, disappearing into the falling darkness.

'Blaine!' Kurt calls desperately, but either Blaine can't hear him or he's choosing to ignore him.

.

* * *

><p><strong>Sorry for the wait! I hope the long chapter was worth it. :) Quote, as always, from Goo Goo Dolls. This is one is Sympathy. Please leave a comment if you like the story.<strong>


	5. Part 5

Chapter 5

_The things we have to do without_

_._

Kurt stares disbelievingly after Blaine, unpleasant memories of the last time his boyfriend did this to him invading his mind. At least at Scandals Kurt had a clear sense of what was wrong, but this time Blaine has just taken off quietly and without warning, and it unnerves Kurt more than he would like.

He turns to look at Finn and Rachel, the former looking as confused as ever and the latter looking about as helpless as Kurt feels. The seconds tick by, no one feeling like breaking the silence.

'Get in the car,' Kurt orders suddenly, striding around to the driver's side of the car. 'Get in or I'm leaving you here,' he adds a bit more firmly, when no one moves to obey. 'I'm not kidding.'

That does it, and thirty seconds later they are all in the car, driving slowly back the way they came, and looking around for any sign of Blaine.

'Kurt, do you think maybe he wants to be left alone?' Rachel's voice is careful next to him.

'Of course he does,' Kurt snaps. Blaine isn't the type to use a stunt like this as a cry for help. He buries stuff or he talks about it. Which is why Kurt is so bothered that Blaine would just take off. 'But it's not about what he wants right now. We can't just leave him out here by himself.'

Kurt slows down at an intersection. They are a little outside Lima and if Blaine was headed back there, he would have continued straight ahead. But where – if anywhere – _is_ Blaine headed? Kurt squints left and right, trying to make out any pedestrians in the dark, but the streets are empty except for the few cars that join theirs. In the end Kurt crosses the intersection towards Lima, hoping that Blaine did the same.

'Dude, I think maybe we passed him,' Finn says from the back seat. 'No way he got this far before us.'

'We'd have seen him,' Kurt protests, but he knows Finn is right. Blaine didn't get that much of a head start.

'He really doesn't want to be found,' Rachel concludes quietly. 'Did he say anything to you?'

'No. Literally in fact,' Kurt realizes, and he sighs in frustration. Why couldn't Blaine have just _talked_ to him and asked for space if that is what he needed? Kurt would have understood. Really, he would.

'Hold on, I'm sitting on something,' Rachel informs them. Kurt raises an eyebrow and he almost says 'Your ass?' but then Rachel pulls out the object from under her and holds it up. 'Why am I sitting on your wallet?'

Kurt's mouth falls open slightly, his eyes darting to the small compartment underneath the radio, where he usually keeps his wallet, when he's in the car. Then realization dawns.

'Check it. How much money is in there?'

'About... twenty dollars?'

Kurt groans and slams his hands on the steering wheel, causing them to swerve slightly.

'He took money?' Finn asks. 'What does that mean?'

'It means,' Kurt says with a restrained sort of calm. 'That Blaine could be _anywhere_.'

.

.

Half an hour later they have dropped Finn off at home, agreeing that he should stay there in case Blaine decides to show up by himself, and Kurt and Rachel have taken separate cars and are searching for Blaine in different parts of town. There had been a brief discussion about whether they should even be looking for him, seeing as Blaine isn't a child and can probably look after himself. Kurt had pointed out then that at this point they have no idea what is going to work as far as switching Blaine back. What if it somehow happens while he is out on his own? Seventeen-year-old Blaine might not have any idea where he is.

And if Kurt is honest, he thinks to himself as he parks at the bus station some time later, he would just like to know where Blaine is, because the uncertainty is killing him. This not knowing what Blaine is thinking or planning to do. Mostly he really wants to shake the feeling that, despite promising that he wouldn't, Blaine has left him.

'Hi,' Kurt addresses the bored-looking woman behind the counter, after checking every corner of the bus station for Blaine. 'I was wondering if maybe you'd seen my … friend. He'd be a little shorter than me. Dark curly hair. About thirty years old.'

'Sweetie, I see a lot of people in here.' The middle-aged woman sounds thoroughly disinterested. 'You're gonna have to do better than that.'

'Um, okay.' Kurt frowns for a second, before pulling out his phone and scrolling through his picture gallery, searching for a good picture of Blaine. He stops at one of the both of them from this past Valentine's Day. In it Kurt is wearing Blaine's stupidly cute heart-shaped eye-patch because Blaine had insisted that Kurt would look adorable with it. Kurt had relented and posed for the picture, his scoffing melting away at the way Blaine watched him; that particular look that he reserved for Kurt and Kurt only. Kurt's breath hitches a little. God, he misses that look. He thinks he's almost seen it a few times from this older Blaine, but a few seconds later he's always sure that he has imagined it and Blaine is just being Blaine.

'Kid?'

Kurt startles out of his reverie and he flushes a little. He quickly scrolls on, finds a photo that is just Blaine alone and shows it to the woman.

'He would look something like that. Only he's older and the hair is different. He would have come in here sometime after seven tonight.'

She glances at the photo, but shakes her head after a few seconds.

'Sorry, kid. Haven't seen him.'

Kurt sighs and thanks the woman before leaving, a mixture of relief and disappointment flowing through him as he gets back in his car. He supposes he should be glad that it seems that at least Blaine isn't upset enough to actually be leaving town, but on the other hand, Kurt is no closer to finding him now than he was an hour ago.

Suddenly a thought occurs to Kurt and it's so simple he wonders why none of them have thought of it before: Blaine's parents' house. His parents are away at the moment as they so often are, so the house is empty, and Blaine could let himself in with the spare key they keep under the potted plant on the porch. It would only make sense for him to go there, wouldn't it?

A long car ride later Kurt parks in front the Anderson house, and he makes his way up the garden path slowly, taking in the dark windows and his heart sinks a little. But, having come all this way, he decides to poke his head in anyway.

'Blaine?' Kurt calls cautiously after letting himself in and replacing the key. 'Are you here?'

Kurt closes the door behind him and, after checking the kitchen and the living room, he makes his way upstairs. He calls Blaine's name again, a little louder this time, but receives no response. He pokes his head into every room until finally he reaches Blaine's bedroom at the end of the hall.

Kurt knocks gently on the door, but a second later he opens it to find the room just as dark and empty as the rest of the house. He turns on the light and takes in the room as he leans back against the door, closing it. The room looks undisturbed and as tidy as ever, Kurt notes, clearly wrong in his assumption that Blaine would come here. As Kurt steps further into the room, an uncanny feeling of home washes over him. He runs his fingers lightly over the dark wood dresser, smiling faintly at the many strange artifacts cluttering its surface. Kurt has heard a story about each of them, told by a typically eager Blaine.

In some ways this, just being here in Blaine's bedroom, is the closest Kurt has been to him in days. His Blaine. The one he can still call his boyfriend. The other, older Blaine is grown and handsome and still so wonderfully Blaine, but at the same time he's _not_ the Blaine that Kurt knows. He feels, well, _older_ and guarded in a way Kurt isn't used to. Sure, Kurt loves this incarnation of his boyfriend every bit as much, but he also finds himself somewhat confused by him.

Kurt drops down on the bed and, without really thinking, he lies back on it, resting his head on one of the pillows. He thinks he can still smell his Blaine on it. He pulls the other pillow towards him, hugging it and breathing in deeply, losing himself in the familiar scent of his boyfriend. Before he knows it, Kurt's eyes are wet and he's crying for the first time since pulling Blaine out of the car three days ago. Within minutes he is properly sobbing and his whole body is shaking with the force of it, suddenly so overwhelmed with everything. Kurt hugs the pillow tighter and _tighter_, and he burrows deeper into the one under his head, not entirely sure if he's torturing or comforting himself.

Kurt isn't sure how long he lies like that, but eventually his sobs die down and his breathing deepens and evens until finally sleep overtakes him.

.

* * *

><p>.<p>

'Another, please,' Blaine rasps, slamming his now empty glass on the counter a little more forcefully than he intends. 'Make it a double.'

'You okay, man?' The bartender raises an eyebrow at Blaine, whose eyes are mostly on his glass as it fills back up. He grabs it again and takes a large gulp, relishing the burn in his throat. He shakes his head, giving a humorless laugh.

'Not even remotely. It's not like I'm here for the ambiance.' He looks pointedly around the small, dimly-lit and mostly empty room.

'Point taken,' the bartender chuckles, looking far too happy for Blaine's liking. He gives Blaine an appraising look. 'Let me guess. Wife giving you a hard time?'

Blaine grimaces.

'Hardly.'

Blaine doesn't explain further. He may be long past apologizing for his sexuality, but this is still Ohio 2012, and he doesn't think he can deal with homophobia on top of everything else. And he really didn't come here to pour his heart out, anyway.

'What is it then?' the guy presses. 'Come on, you can tell me. You know, listening to other people's problems is, like, half my job.'

Blaine swirls his drink and takes another swig, as he imagines what kind of reaction telling this stranger his problems would get him. He smiles wryly.

'No thanks. No offense, I'm sure you're very good at your job.'

The bartender shrugs and gives Blaine a look that says 'suit yourself', before leaving him to serve another customer in the other end of the bar. Blaine sighs and lets his head drop, forehead resting for a minute on his hands on the table. He feels the alcohol starting to affect him, making his head pleasantly fuzzy. It's not enough though. He lifts his head to take another sip.

Blaine feels bad for taking off without warning, and he wonders how Kurt and the others reacted. He feels another twinge of guilt at the money he took from Kurt's wallet. The money that he is now spending on the worst whiskey ever in what is probably the lowliest bar in Lima. He makes a mental note to pay Kurt back somehow. And to never tell him where he spent it. Blaine knows he shouldn't have taken off like that, but he had been so disappointed to see their plan fail again, and then overwhelmed at the thought of facing an unknown number of days here, while they search for a solution. It had all just felt like too much. Still does. Blaine takes another gulp, willing himself to forget, and another, emptying his glass.

He catches the bartenders eye, waving his empty glass at him. The guy comes over but doesn't otherwise move to fill Blaine's request for more booze, holding the bottle hostage and giving Blaine an expectant 'Well?' look. Blaine groans audibly. Of all the bars in Lima he has managed to find his way to the one with the most annoying bartender.

'It's complicated,' Blaine tells him, but the man just looks intrigued.

'I love complicated.'

Blaine rolls his eyes at him.

'Less talk. More alcohol.' Blaine nudges his glass a little, feeling grateful as the bartender obliges, and he gulps down half of it in one go.

'Uh oh,' the bartender says somewhere above him, and Blaine looks up to see him looking off somewhere behind Blaine. 'Here comes trouble.'

Blaine shifts in his seat and looks around to see Rachel and he lets out another loud groan.

'Sure it's not wife troubles?' the bartender asks, sounding a little amused.

'She's not my wife,' Blaine tells him, watching warily as Rachel approaches, looking none too happy with him.

'Mistress?' the other man tries.

'Ew, no. More like sister. Hi Rachel.'

Blaine addresses the last part to Rachel who has come to a halt in front of him, her hands on her hips. As she continues to watch him silently, Blaine braces himself for some sort of reprimand, but it never comes. Instead she sighs heavily and grabs him gently but firmly by the upper arm, pulling him to his feet and telling him, 'Come on, I'm taking you home.'

'No, I wanna stay,' Blaine protests, embarrassed when it comes out as a whine, and only now noticing that he's dizzy and slurring his speech like a drunk person. Which he is. Drunk, that is. How did that happen? Right. Drink. In his hand. He raises it to take another sip, but Rachel takes it from him. 'Hey!'

'No, come on, you've had enough,' she tells him and sets the glass down out of his reach. Admitting defeat, and silently admitting that maybe he _has_ had enough to drink (and definitely enough of that bartender who is now watching the two of them with an amused sort of expression – doesn't he have other customers?), Blaine sighs and makes to pay for his drinks, but Rachel slaps his hand away. 'That's Kurt's money, Blaine,' she tells him sternly and pays with her own money instead.

Blaine lets her pay though he doesn't understand how that makes anything better. That would be nice, he thinks vaguely, if money could fix things. Before he can get lost in that train of thought, however, Rachel has him by the arm again, and is dragging him out of there, Blaine stumbling after her, none too steady on his feet. She doesn't let go of him until they reach the car, which she unlocks as Blaine sways a little on the spot, putting a hand on the car to steady himself.

'Are you okay? Do you need to barf?' Blaine shakes his head no. No, he doesn't need to barf. No, he's not okay. 'Come on, get in then. I'm taking you home. Kurt is worried sick.'

Blaine looks at her then, suddenly a little panicked.

'No. I can't go- can't see him- not like this-'

'Hey, calm down, sweetie.' Rachel is speaking softly and squeezing his shoulder reassuringly. 'This is not the first time Kurt has seen you drunk.'

But that's not what Blaine means.

'Please, I can't. Not tonight. Take me to my parents' house instead?'

When Rachel looks reluctant Blaine tries his puppy eyes on her, which right now are _drunk_ puppy eyes, and he wonders if they work the same. At the thought of drunk puppies, Blaine almost giggles despite himself.

'Fine,' Rachel sighs. 'But you're coming back tomorrow. We still need to figure this mess out.'

Blaine doesn't answer her, doesn't have it in him to think about that right now, so he just gets in the car. Rachel joins him a second later, and he watches her, confused as, instead of starting the car, she pulls out her phone and starts texting.

'I'm just texting the boys to let them know you're okay.'

There's that word again. _Okay_.

.

* * *

><p>.<p>

Kurt jerks awake to the feeling of something vibrating against his thigh. He blinks a few times, momentarily confused before he remembers where he is, and _oh_, his phone is ringing in his pocket. He digs it out, but is too late to answer the call, which turns out to be from Finn. He also has two unread text messages. The first one is from Rachel.

_Found him! :) He's okay. I'm taking him home now. xo_

Kurt's face is stiff and tear-streaked from earlier, but a smile spreads across it at the good news, and Kurt feels himself relaxing in a way he hadn't done even while sleeping. The other text is from Finn about twenty minutes ago.

_K, where are you? Didn't you get Rachel's text? Blaine's alright. You can stop looking._

Jesus, how long has he been sleeping? Kurt stifles a yawn and types a quick reply to both Finn and Rachel, telling them that he's own his way home now, before hopping off the bed. He stops in front of the mirror to fix his hair and make sure that his face doesn't look like something out of a horror movie, before he switches off the light and slips out of the room. He pads back downstairs quietly, feeling oddly like he should be mindful about making noise despite knowing that the house is empty. Habit, he supposes as he heads for the front door, bracing himself for the cool evening air outside.

.

* * *

><p>.<p>

'Here.' Rachel places a cup of steaming hot coffee before Blaine. They are in the kitchen of his parents' house, which looks almost the same now as it will do in fifteen years. Were it not for Rachel standing over him, looking mildly concerned, Blaine would almost be able to pretend that he was home again.

'Thanks.' Blaine doesn't meet Rachel's eye, preferring instead to keep his focus on the coffee in front of him. His head is starting to clear a little, which has several side effects, including the fact that he's starting to feel more than a little embarrassed at the whole situation.

'Look, I'm sorry you had to see me like that-' he begins, but Rachel lifts her hand, brushing him off.

'Please, I've seen you behave much worse sober.' She winks and sends him a small smile.

'I think you'll find that I don't actually stumble around, slurring my speech that much when I'm sober,' Blaine says, trying to match Rachel's lightheartedness.

'Don't worry about it.' Rachel sits down opposite Blaine at the kitchen table, and her voice is soft when she continues. 'I'm more interested in why you went to a bar in the first place.'

She's watching him again with that same scrutinizing look, like she knows more than she should.

'Why does anyone go to a bar?' he evades, avoiding her gaze and sipping at his coffee.

'Loads of reasons that I can count,' she shrugs.

She doesn't press further, but she keeps watching him, and Blaine grows uncomfortable under her gaze, the harsh light of the kitchen making him feel like he's on a stage and Rachel can read every emotion on his face. Finally he gets to his feet, finding refuge in the softer lit living room. He sags down in the middle of the couch, shoulders hunched and staring at his feet. Rachel joins him quietly a few seconds later, and he absently registers when she places his half-empty cup on the coffee table in front of him and sits herself down next to him.

Since getting here Blaine has become so good at pretending that everything is fine, at ignoring and pushing away the pain and the ache in his chest. It's an ache he hadn't felt in years, but that had started to form again the moment he was pulled out of that car. And he had held on for dear life in the sure hope and knowledge that it would soon be over, that he would be back home before he knew it. But now it feels like he has lost his grip and he just doesn't know how to get it back.

Blaine can feel Rachel next to him, sitting close enough that he can sense her warmth through two layers of clothing. It makes him shiver for some reason. He doesn't need to meet her gaze to know that her eyes are on him, not demanding but warm and full of tenderness. She moves to put a comforting hand on his knee, letting it rest there softly.

'It's just so hard,' Blaine says then. 'So much harder than I could have imagined. Not that I really spent any time imagining _this_,' he says, giving a dry humorless chuckle. Next to him Rachel is silent, knowing her input is not needed for this.

'And Kurt is so wonderful.' The words are starting to tumble out now, unfiltered and almost tripping over each other. 'So young, and so hopeful about everything. I should feel really lucky that I get to be here, I know; to experience this. _Him_. God, I used to dream about this. Going back, back before everything. But this; this being here without really _being_ here. It's... not what I wanted. It's almost cruel.'

'And he looks at me like- like I'm him, like I'm that seventeen-year-old boy he loves. And I want to be that for him, but I just _can't_. Not when-' Blaine bites his lip, knows he should stop, that he shouldn't be saying any of this. Maybe it's Rachel, so earnest and ready to listen next to him, or maybe it's the alcohol still in his system, but now that he has begun talking, Blaine finds himself unable to stop, the words spilling from his mouth of their own accord.

'And then he's talking about marriage and kissing, and just being in the same room as him is hard, and _god_, his _singing_, and I just-' Blaine voice tightens, and he thinks it might physically hurt him to continue, but he has to. Even though he shouldn't – he really, really shouldn't – god, he has to.

'Blaine.' Rachel is speaking for the first time in minutes, and it's just his name, but it's so kind, so full of compassion, and something in Blaine crumbles at the sound. And then she's cupping the side of his face gently, forcing him to look at her. The final words spill from his mouth, like poison from a wound except it doesn't make him feel any better.

'We're not together. Me and him. In the future. Kurt- he's going to leave me.'

Blaine manages to keep it together at first, but at the last words his voice breaks, matching his heart, broken such a long time ago. He doesn't see how Rachel reacts, his vision clouded by his own tears, but the next thing he knows he is being drawn into a tight hug. Absently hating himself for falling apart like this, Blaine lets her hold him there for a while, soft murmurs of comfort in his ear and a single finger stroking his back gently.

Suddenly Rachel tenses and she pulls back from him, a hand on either shoulder. Blaine brushes away a tear and looks at her quizzically, but she is staring off somewhere behind him, her eyes wide with what could possibly be horror. Feeling cold dread settle in the pit of his stomach, Blaine spins around to find, standing in the now open doorway to the hall, the one person who was never ever meant to hear anything Blaine said tonight, a look of absolute shock and heartbreak painted on his face.

'Kurt,' Blaine croaks.

.

* * *

><p><strong>Thank you for the reviews and all the subscriptionfavorite alerts. It's much appreciated. Keep them coming! :) The quote this time around is from 'Let Love In' by (duh) the Goo Goo Dolls.**

**Easter Break is coming up so I should be able to update again fairly soonish. Three more parts to go!**


	6. Part 6A

**Chapter 6 got really long, so I decided to split it into two and post 6A now to tide you over while I do final editing on 6B (which should be up tomorrow).**

**Fair warning (especially if you're a diehard Klainer): This chapter is all set in 2016 and tells the story of the breakup that Blaine spoke about in the last chapter. _It's not sunshine and rainbows_ (or should I make that _klainebows_) and Kurt doesn't necessarily come out of it looking too good. Keep in mind though, that this is Blaine's POV. Apparently this whole chapter kept my beta up half the night (oops, sorry Vanessa). So don't say I didn't warn you. :)**

**On a lighter note: The Goo Goo Dolls lyric this time is from Big Machine, and the song referenced in the beginning is The Luckiest by Ben Folds, because Blaine is huge sap.**

* * *

><p><em>I'm in love but you don't care<em>

_2016_

_._

It happened on the last Thursday of June.

Blaine was wandering around the frozen foods area of their local supermarket, trying to pick out something quick and easy for dinner that night, when his phone went off, a familiar gentle piano melody signalling an incoming call from one Kurt Hummel.

Blaine couldn't help the smile that appeared on his face upon seeing his boyfriend's name on the display. More than five years into the relationship, Kurt still did this to him. Blaine let the phone ring a couple more seconds, just to hear the first few words of the song, before he picked it up. An elderly, somewhat sour-looking woman sent him a perplexed look. Right, he must look a little weird, standing in the middle of the supermarket, smiling at a ringing phone. Blaine did not much care.

'Hi sweetie,' Blaine greeted his boyfriend softly, noticing the woman now smiling approvingly before moving past him, and he thought he might have just single-handedly restored her faith in youth.

'Hey,' Kurt breathed, clearly excited about something. 'You took a long time to answer. I thought it was gonna go to voice-mail.'

'Sorry,' Blaine grinned. They had been through this before. In fact when Blaine had first chosen the song for his ringtone, Kurt had rolled his eyes and muttered something about "cheesiness", but Blaine had simply shrugged and said that it was how he felt – lucky – which had softened Kurt considerably.

'You know, I'm not sure how much I like having my own ringtone if it means you're just going to listen to the song instead of talking to me.' Kurt's tone was light, teasing. 'Do you love Ben Folds more than me?'

'There's nothing I love more than you.' Blaine stated it matter-of-factly like so many times before, but he still thought he could sense Kurt's blush on the other end (and how was that even possible?). 'Anyway, was there something you wanted? Not that I don't love to talk to you in the middle of the supermarket, but I should probably-'

'I got it!' Kurt blurted, and Blaine just about exploded on his boyfriend's behalf.

'You got-? Did- Really?'

'Really.' Kurt's voice was shaking with glee. 'They called me just now. And they want me. _Me._'

'Oh my god, that's amazing. I can't believe it!' Blaine all but squealed, way beyond caring that people were staring at him as he began pacing down the aisle, unable to stand still. 'Well, I _can_ actually believe it, 'cause you're amazing, so of course they want you. I'm just, you know, _yay_,' he said as all other words failed him. He stopped to breathe again. 'I'm so happy for you.'

'I know, I can't believe it either. I'm going to LA! I don't know what to do with myself right now. I think I'm still processing.' Kurt laughed a little and Blaine joined him.

'I hear you. If I'm this excited, I can't even imagine what you must be feeling.' Blaine passed the same old lady from before and when their eyes met briefly he smiled politely at her. 'I'm so proud of you, Kurt. My boyfriend's a TV star!' he exclaimed excitedly into the phone, and for a second he thought the woman was about to turn away in disgust, but then she just smiled fondly at him before getting on with her shopping. This was a good day.

'I don't know about _star_, but it's a terrific opportunity.'

'Definitely,' Blaine agreed. 'And you know no matter what happens you'll always be my star. Hey listen,' he said as an idea struck him. 'I gotta run. See you tonight?'

'Yep. Guess I should go talk to my boss and give my two weeks notice. See you later. Love you.'

'Love you, too.'

Blaine hung up and strode straight over to the butcher's section of the supermarket, where he bought half a dozen of the best steaks he could find. Screw the budget. This called for celebration.

.

.

When Kurt came home from work that evening, Blaine surprised him by having cooked a delicious meal (okay, it wasn't as good as Kurt would have made it, but Blaine couldn't exactly have asked Kurt to cook his own surprise dinner). He had made sure that Rachel and their other roommate, Max, were home and he had invited over Charlie, a close friend of Kurt's from college, and Tina, who had also gone to New York after high school.

'What's this?' Kurt asked as he hung his jacket, his lips curling into a confused smile.

'This is to celebrate.' Blaine pecked Kurt on the lips and smiled brightly at him. 'You.'

Dinner was an enjoyable affair, all excited talk, laughs and questions about Kurt's show (half of which he couldn't or wasn't allowed to answer). Rachel gushed about what an amazing opportunity it was; the amount of experience Kurt would get, not to mention exposure. Blaine found it kind of adorable how hard she tried not to talk about it all in relation to herself, though she did eventually turn the conversation to auditions she herself has been going to and one particular musical that looked promising ('Off Broadway, but still').

Charlie (who Blaine had internally dubbed "the gayest straight man" he knew) had graduated with Kurt that summer and he didn't even try to hide his jealousy, but he was also adamant that Kurt definitely deserved the break. Max was a history major and confessed that he knew nothing about this sort of stuff, but he joined in the celebration anyway ('Plus, you know, free food.'). Tina was sweet as always and after a couple of glasses of wine she got a little teary-eyed and started waxing poetic about the old days and how far Kurt had come. Blaine spent most of the night quietly watching his boyfriend. He was practically glowing.

'So guys, how are you going to handle being apart?' Max asked, when they were halfway through dessert. 'I mean, it's literally thousands of miles, isn't it?'

Blaine felt Kurt tense next to him, and he looked a bit like a deer caught in the headlights, but Blaine just shrugged. It had crossed his mind that it was going to be difficult, what with Kurt in Los Angeles and Blaine in New York, still a year short of graduating himself – of course it had. Tonight, however, was about celebrating his boyfriend's success, not moaning about the difficult year they had ahead of them.

'A lot of flying back and forth, I suppose. And lots and lots of Skyping.' He smiled. 'We'll manage. We always do.' Blaine covered Kurt's hand on the table with his own, squeezing reassuringly.

Later when Tina and Charlie had left and Max and Rachel had retreated to their respective rooms, Kurt and Blaine lay together in bed, naked limbs tangled up in each other and hands roaming freely. Blaine had settled on top of Kurt, kissing his way down Kurt's body.

'You're really not worried?' Kurt asked then, and Blaine's kisses came to a halt on Kurt's abdomen as Blaine looked up. 'About us?'

'No,' Blaine said firmly. 'Why would I be? We've done this before, remember.'

'But-' Kurt opened his mouth, but Blaine swallowed his protests with a searing kiss on the lips.

'Shh, not now, okay? We haven't had the obligatory celebratory sex yet, and I really don't think I can get it up if we're discussing red-eyes and Skype calls.'

Kurt quirked an eyebrow, but had to stifle a giggle and struggled to keep his voice even, mock-serious. 'Really? The sex is obligatory?'

'Yes, when your boyfriend gets cast in the huge new show, that everyone's talking about, you are honor bound to fuck his brains out as a reward.' Blaine adopted his dapper prep school boy persona, and he might have been reciting The Warblers' rule book, except his words were ridiculous (which, granted, some of the Warbler rules had been as well) 'It's the rule.'

Kurt smirked up at him for a second before he suddenly, and with a strength that really should not surprise Blaine anymore, flipped them both around, so Blaine was now on his back, Kurt on top of him.

'I think you need to brush up on the rules, because I'm pretty sure you've got that backwards.' And then Kurt was sliding off Blaine and moving between his legs, pressing light kisses to his inner thighs, teasing him. 'Hm?'

'Well, uh,' Blaine managed. _What are words?_ 'I'm sure we can, uh, bend the rules a little. If you, uh,' Blaine whimpered when Kurt finally stopped teasing, and the last word came out as a whine. 'Insist.'

Blaine wasn't worried.

.

.

In the week following, Kurt was busy taking care of a thousand practicalities surrounding his move to LA and work on the show itself. There were movers to call, an apartment to find, meetings to schedule and scripts to read, and if Blaine sometimes caught Kurt seeming on edge or distant, he attributed it to that. Blaine, for his part, tried to help out the best he could, but there was really only so much he could do, so instead he dug out his calendar and set out to plan weekend visits. Of course it was difficult when both his and Kurt's schedules were still so much up in the air, but he did at least circle the first weekend he would like to come visit Kurt at his new place.

Blaine brought his plans up to Kurt over dinner on Friday the following week. Both Rachel and Max were out, so Blaine and Kurt had the apartment to themselves for the evening. To Blaine's surprise, Kurt didn't look at all happy or excited at the prospect of his boyfriend's first visit. Instead he bit his lip and stared at his plate, like something was on his mind, but he wasn't sure Blaine was going to want to hear it.

'What is it?' Blaine asked, eyeing Kurt fondly and trying to catch his eye. 'Does that weekend not work for you? 'Cause it was just a suggestion-'

'No, no. It's fine,' Kurt said quickly. 'It's not that.'

'Well, come on then. Spit it out,' Blaine urged, continuing to tug into his dinner and smiling lightly. He wasn't worried. He really, really wasn't.

When Kurt finally spoke his tone was even, casual almost, like he was suggesting they watch something different on TV. 'Do you think maybe we should take a break?'

'From what?' Blaine looked at him blankly, not understanding.

Kurt worried his lip again. 'From...us.'

For a long while Blaine just stared at Kurt, his entire being frozen.

'You can't be serious.' But Kurt's face was solemn and his body sort of deflated. There was no way that he was joking. 'Why?'

'You know why.' Kurt's voice was quiet, shaking ever so slightly. 'This year we have ahead of us – you here and me in LA. Do you have any idea how hard it's going to be?'

'Of course I do. Kurt, of course I do.'

'I'm not so sure you do. You've been avoiding the conversation all week, and either you really don't think it's a big deal, or you do and you don't want to think about it.'

'Well, forgive me for trying to stay positive,' Blaine spit. He got to his feet, annoyed now. 'And don't talk to me like I'm a child. I _know_ what we're getting into, okay? Or are you forgetting that we did this exact thing four years ago?'

'But it's _not_ the same thing, Blaine. Far from it. Lima is, what, five, six hundred miles. LA is more than two and half thousand. We won't be able to just pop back and forth the same way-'

'So the visits will be shorter, we still-' Blaine tried to interject, but Kurt kept going, ignoring him.

'And your senior year is important, Blaine. You can't afford to spend half of it traveling across the country, or entertaining me while I'm here.'

'Why don't you let me worry about that?' Blaine shot, annoyance starting to melt into anger. How could Kurt even be saying any of this?

'And what happens when you graduate and all your job opportunities are here or somewhere that's not LA? Do we just keep this long-distance thing going indefinitely?'

'Well, contrary to popular belief not everyone in LA is in the movie industry. I'll find something there.'

'And if you don't? Or if you get a better offer somewhere else? You shouldn't compromise on your career just to be with me.' _There's no "just" about being with you_. 'I wouldn't do that to you. And I hope vice versa.'

'So because of something that _might_ be a problem in a _year_, you wanna just give up now?' Blaine said, allowing his disappointment to color his voice. 'After everything?'

'Not give up.' Kurt got to his feet too, and walked to stand in front of Blaine, looking him in the eye as he continued. 'Never give up. Just...a break.'

'Yeah, which is code for breakup,' Blaine said, voice strained.

'Hey, no.' Kurt took Blaine's hand and held it between both of his. 'That's not what I mean. I just think being apart will be easier if there's not this pressure of maintaining a relationship constantly looming. Know what I mean?'

Blaine shook his head. If they were not breaking up, how was being apart from Kurt going to be any easier, just because they were "taking a break". And if they _were_ breaking up – well then he was _really_ fucked. And since when was their relationship pressuring?

Kurt let go of Blaine's hand and took a few steps back to the kitchen table, where the rest of their dinner was getting cold. He grabbed the back of the chair with both hands, leaning back against it, before taking a deep breath.

'Blaine, that year before you joined me here... I don't think you realize how hard that actually was for me. It was hell. I missed you so much and it affected everything I did. I felt so apart from everything that went on. I held on, because I knew that in less than a year we'd be together. But this time around, it will be much, much more difficult. We're both going to be busier, it'll be harder finding times when we can see each other. And with no guarantee of a reunion at the end of it... I'm sorry, but I just don't think I can do it again.'

'And you think it'll be easier, just because we're "on a break"? That we're just going to stop missing each other?'

'I think...it'll be easier, yes.' Blaine lets out a short disbelieving huff of breath. 'And I guess-' Kurt looked like he was struggling with a thought, finding the right way to express it. 'You know, we've only ever been with each other. Don't you wonder sometimes?'

'Wonder what?' Blaine kept his voice even, indifferent, but he felt his stomach start to twist into knots, not liking what Kurt was getting at.

'Look, I love you,' Kurt said straightening up. 'But, Blaine, we met in high school. In _Ohio_. The real world is a lot bigger than that, and I just think maybe-' Kurt swallowed and finished with a shrug of his shoulders. 'Maybe it's time we explored that for a while.'

At that moment a little part of Blaine died, because through all of it – every fight, every obstacle – and in the face of every person telling him time and again that people didn't marry their first loves, Blaine had _always _believed in them. Always.

'Wait, let me explain.' Kurt took a few steps forward to stand in front of Blaine again. He made to touch the side of Blaine's face.

'Don't touch me,' Blaine spit, surprised at the venom in his own voice, and Kurt watched helplessly as Blaine shied away from him, crossing to the other side of the room. 'You want to see other people.'

'I- No. I don't know. Sort of.' Kurt sighed, closing his eyes for a moment. 'I think if we have to spend a year apart, it's... an opportunity?' Blaine blanched. 'No, wait. I shouldn't have said it like that. Listen to me. I. Love. You. Don't think for a second that I don't. I just-'

'You're curious,' Blaine offered. 'About other people.'

'I guess?' Kurt frowned. 'I can't really explain it. Mostly I just can't do what we did last time. I just- I can't. But I'm not ready for us to be over either. Am I making sense?'

Blaine wanted to say no. He didn't understand why they couldn't do what they did last time. They had survived, hadn't they? But he could tell that Kurt was serious, and Blaine didn't know that he had it in him to oppose Kurt. Not when _the real world is a lot bigger than that_ still echoed in his mind. Despite how much he had tried to backtrack afterwards, those were the words Kurt had used. Blaine didn't need a break or other people to tell him that Kurt was all he was ever going to want or need, and it broke his heart to realize that maybe Kurt didn't feel the same way. That Blaine couldn't just be enough on his own, the way Kurt was for Blaine. That maybe Kurt thought that there was someone better out there for him. _Who am I kidding? Of course there is_. Blaine wasn't about to talk Kurt out of it. It was just going to spark resentment on Kurt's part and insecurity on Blaine's, which would end in Kurt leaving him anyway. At least this way Kurt might come back to him in the end.

'I guess. Okay.'

.

.

_Day 1_

Their break didn't officially begin until Kurt left for LA a little over a week later, but neither was their relationship the same after that conversation, so Blaine counted the days from there. He didn't even really know to what purpose he was counting. Maybe it was his way of applying logic in the form of maths to a situation he was so desperately trying to make sense of. Either way he counted.

_._

_Day 4_

Blaine felt himself starting to get uncomfortable around Kurt, all too conscious of every move either of them made. How were you supposed to be in a relationship with someone who had told you, that they weren't sure they even wanted to be with you? Was Blaine still allowed to kiss Kurt? Hold him at night? Fuck him? And if he was, did that mean that Kurt was indulging him or that Kurt wanted those things, too?

_._

_Day 7_

On their last night together Blaine stopped caring if it was needy or weird or wrong. He needed to feel Kurt close to him again, if there was any way he was going to make it through his goodbyes the next day without falling apart completely. So when Kurt responded to his advances that night, Blaine put every thought of _why_ out of his head, and just allowed himself to feel. He fucked Kurt long and hard until they both came, every thrust a mantra of _mine, mine, mine_ as though claiming Kurt in this primal way, would also make him Blaine's in every other way.

_._

_Day 8_

The morning of Kurt's leaving arrived bright and sunny like any other day in July, and Blaine kind of wished it had been gray and cloudy. People tended to be a bit more reserved in their displays of happiness, when the weather was dull, or at least that was what Blaine had always thought. In any case happy, smiley, ice cream-eating sunshine people was not on Blaine's list of favorite things today.

Blaine had hoped for a quiet moment with Kurt, before they had to leave for the airport, but their last few hours together in the apartment passed by in a blur of stress and last-minute packing. Maybe it was just as well; Blaine probably wouldn't really have known what to say, anyway. Before he knew it he, Kurt and Rachel were in the car, fighting their way through morning traffic.

Next to Blaine Kurt had started fiddling with the radio, pressing buttons over and over, nothing satisfying him and his frustration growing by the second. Blaine nudged Kurt's hand lightly with his to make him stop. 'Hey.'

'Are there _no_ decent radio stations left?' Kurt huffed, changing the station again only to be met with someone rapping about his "hoes". 'Seriously. It's insulting.'

'Why don't we plug in your iPod?' Blaine tried.

'Can't. It's in my bag in the trunk.' Kurt sighed before trying once more and groaning when he was presented with opera.

'Why don't we just do without then?' Blaine cut in, gently brushing Kurt's hand away and turning off the radio completely. Then there was just quiet. Okay, maybe not such a smart move. Tension was starting to build now that there were not a million things (and a radio) to distract them. What kind of conversation was Blaine supposed to go for? Small-talk (_Lovely day out, huh? I bet Central Park's crawling with people_) or the serious stuff (_I'm really going to miss you, Kurt. Please don't leave me_)? Somehow neither option seemed particularly inviting.

'Hey guys, did I tell what my director said to me the other day?' Rachel said, seemingly out of the blue. 'He was so out of line, I swear...'

As Rachel kept going and Blaine listened with half an ear, he breathed a soft sigh of relief, grateful for her ability to always find something to talk about (even if it was mostly herself). Blaine appreciated Rachel being there – and so did Kurt, Blaine thought, despite Kurt's one-syllable answers to most of her questions – but nothing she said could distract Blaine from the thought that as of eleven thirty, when Kurt got on that plane, Kurt would no longer be his boyfriend. He wouldn't exactly be his ex either, of course – Kurt had been adamant that the break was not meant as a breakup in disguise. Despite this Blaine couldn't help but think – melodramatically, he knew; Rachel was rubbing off on him – that he was driving towards the doom of their relationship. The airport meant the end of his life with Kurt as he knew it, and here he was, driving the car that would take them there.

_No, stop it_, Blaine chastised himself,_ it's not over yet_.

Once they arrived at the airport Blaine focused all his thoughts on the practicalities of getting a cart for Kurt's luggage, finding the right check-in counter and getting Kurt checked in. When Kurt was finally checked in and his bags dropped off, Kurt slipped off the use the bathroom, which left Blaine alone with Rachel for a moment. Blaine was bouncing restlessly on his feet.

'How are you holding up?' Rachel asked him softly.

'Fine,' he replied automatically, without looking at her.

'It's okay if you're not, you know.' Blaine knew she meant well, and he appreciated it, but her timing sucked.

'Not right now, it's not,' he said distractedly, still radiating nervous energy. Blaine's face lit up in an exaggerated smile when he saw Kurt emerge from the bathroom. 'Hey! Ready to go?'

As they got closer to the boarding card check, after which Kurt would proceed to security check and they could no longer follow him, Blaine felt his heartbeat quicken and his palms getting sweaty. All too soon they came to a halt, standing a little off to the side, so they wouldn't be in anyone's way.

This was it.

'So...' Kurt stood awkwardly in front of Blaine and Rachel, lost for words. Biting his lip nervously and eyes darting from Blaine to Rachel, Blaine was struck suddenly with how much younger than twenty-two Kurt looked – which was probably why they had hired him to play a high school student, Blaine reflected dimly. Even like this Kurt was amazing, and just _how_ was Blaine going to get used to not waking up to that gorgeous face every morning as he had for the better part of three years? 'I guess...'

Kurt trailed off as Rachel stepped forward then. She touched the side of his face gently, before pulling him into a tight hug.

'I'm so proud of you, Kurt. I'm gonna miss you like crazy.' Blaine could tell by the way Rachel's voice tightened that she was fighting tears and, oh shit, now Blaine was, too. 'But I am so so proud of you.'

They hugged again for a long while, each murmuring things Blaine couldn't hear in the other one's ear, before they finally pulled apart. Rachel looked at Kurt for a long moment, before telling him with a smile that was somehow equal parts sad and happy, 'Go. Be amazing.' She squeezed his hand briefly, and Kurt smiled appreciatively at her, watching as she stepped a few feet away, giving Kurt and Blaine their privacy.

Blaine stood in front of Kurt now. He wanted to say something, felt like he should. If his life had been a movie, he was pretty sure he would be working his way through a big speech right about now. He would be telling Kurt how much he was going to miss him, how much he loved Kurt and how much he wished they weren't doing this. Or if Blaine's life was a musical he would be launching into some huge gesture of a song. But no words would come to him, lyrical or otherwise. Blaine swallowed thickly.

'Blaine...' Kurt spoke softly, and Blaine met his eyes, his own eyes burning with the tears he refused to shed. He let himself be swept into a warm embrace, dimly registering that Kurt's messenger bag was digging into his thigh, but focusing on the feeling of Kurt's soft breath and the gentle caress of his hand against his neck. He wanted to stay there forever, buried in Kurt's arms, but all too soon (a minute? An hour?) Kurt pulled back. He smiled softly at Blaine, who still had one hand splayed on Kurt's chest. Blaine smiled brokenly in return.

'You're still coming to visit next month like you talked about, right?' Kurt asked, covering Blaine's hand on his chest with his own.

'I- Do you want me to?'

'Of _course_ I want you to, Blaine. Of course. What, did you think I was just going to leave New York and then we'd ignore each other until you graduate? You won't get off that easy, mister.' Kurt poked him playfully in the chest.

'No, I-' Blaine swallowed the lump in his throat. 'Of course I'll come.'

Blaine's smile was sincere this time.

'I have to go,' Kurt said after a moment, voice full of regret and making no effort to break away from Blaine.

'I know,' Blaine said, letting himself be the one to step back. He let a few seconds pass, before he gave in and leaned forward to capture Kurt's lips with his own in a painfully short kiss, before he pulled back again and echoed Rachel's sentiments, 'Go take LA by storm.'

Blaine watched Kurt as he hoisted his bag over his shoulder and showed his boarding card, before being ushered on to security check. He turned back and with a small wave of his hand, he rounded a corner and was gone.

Blaine kept staring at that one spot as though any minute Kurt was going to pop back around the corner. After a while he felt a small hand take his, tugging gently at him.

'Come,' Rachel said quietly, and Blaine let himself be led away, following her wordlessly.

When they reached the car in the parking lot, Blaine stood dumbly for a minute, before remembering that it was his car and that he was the one with the keys. He fumbled for a moment before withdrawing the keys from his pocket.

'Are you okay?' Rachel's voice was quiet, concerned.

'No.' Blaine shook his head and finally allowed his tears to fall. 'No, I'm not.'

.

* * *

><p><strong>Poor Blaine, eh? And it's about to get even worse... P.S. It's my birthday today and please don't send me hate mail. :p<strong>


	7. Part 6B

**So here is the second part of the Great Blangst Fest 2016, which I'm sure some of you are going to hate me for. Yes, I'm an evil son of a bitch.**

* * *

><p><em>Day 34<em>

Blaine and Rachel were watching TV (well, the TV was on and Rachel was talking) when Blaine's phone rang with the same old ringtone, that Blaine hadn't seen fit to change. He smiled as he accepted the call.

'Hey.'

'Tell him hi from me,' Rachel said with a wink before excusing herself from the room, giving them privacy to talk.

'Hey yourself,' came Kurt's voice.

'So Rachel says hi,' Blaine chuckled, feeling a pleasant fluttering in his stomach at hearing Kurt's voice again.

'Thanks.' Blaine could hear Kurt's smile on the other end.

Blaine had been surprised at how comfortable things had been between himself and Kurt for the past month since Kurt had moved. Kurt hadn't been kidding when he had said he wanted to keep in touch; they spoke together on the phone at least once a week, and on days when they didn't there were emails and Facebook and semi-flirtatious text messages. Blaine had visited Kurt in his new LA apartment the weekend before, and it had felt like nothing had changed at all between them.

There had not been a single mention of dating or other people, and Blaine couldn't help but feel hopeful. He was even starting to move past his resentment of the fact that Kurt needed this in the first place. It was normal to have doubts about a relationship, wasn't it? All the books and movies said so, right? So just because Blaine had no doubt in his mind, didn't mean that Kurt didn't get to. And the fact of the matter was that after a month apart, Kurt and Blaine were still having long, comfortable conversations, which had to mean that Kurt wasn't having them with someone else.

'Listen, I should tell you.' Kurt sounded anxious suddenly. 'I've been invited to this charity event this weekend.' Kurt babbled off the details of what the charity supported and what kind of people would be there.

'That sounds like a really great cause, Kurt,' Blaine said bracingly. 'And it can't hurt your career either to be seen out and about like this.'

'That's what I thought, too. And, well, he's mostly just a friend, but I just thought I'd let you know in case there were pictures and you wondered or something.'

'Oh.' Blaine felt his stomach drop. 'You're going as someone's date.'

'Yes. Is that okay?'

'Yeah, of course.' Blaine's voice was strained as he replied. 'So who's the guy?'

'It's Scott.' Kurt's voice was cautious, as though he was afraid of saying the wrong thing. 'You know, Scott Boyes, one of the producers on my show?'

'Oh, okay.' _Isn't he a bit old? _'I didn't realize he was gay.'

'It's not like I'm dating him,' Kurt said quickly. 'I guess, he just thought I might find it interesting.'

'Kurt, it's fine. Really.' Blaine sighed, hoping Kurt couldn't hear through the phone. 'It's what we agreed to, isn't it?'

'I guess, but-'

'Listen, I should go. I have a huge paper to write,' Blaine blurted and hanging up, before remembering that classes didn't even start for another couple of weeks.

.

.

_Day 39_

It was Tuesday the following week and Blaine had just finished reading Kurt's latest email, detailing his work on the show and how much he was learning. It said nothing about his faux date three days prior. In fact Kurt had not brought it up at all, since they last spoke, and Blaine had not wanted to ask, although part of him was dying to. He had not missed the way Kurt had talked of Scott as "mostly" just a friend. Blaine stared at his desktop, bouncing the laptop lightly in his lap, until finally a morbid sense of curiosity overtook him.

He opened his browser and typed a few choice words in his search engine. It didn't take long for him to find what he was looking for. He browsed through the press photos from the event, barely registering who he was seeing except they weren't Kurt. Then he reached the photo of Kurt and Scott, and Blaine sucked in a breath.

His eyes fell on Kurt first, looking simply stunning all dressed up to the nines. He was practically oozing excitement, and Blaine smiled, genuinely happy for Kurt in his success. This Scott next to him – Blaine didn't really know a lot about him, except the little Kurt had told him. He looked to be in his late thirties, and he was handsome, Blaine supposed, in a rugged sort of way. Blaine's eyes drifted from their faces to Scott's arm, snaked around Kurt's waist in what Blaine thought was a much too intimate way. Kurt didn't look at all uncomfortable. Beneath the photo there was a bit of text that the website that hosted the photos had written.

_Scott Boyes and his new beau? CUTE!_

Blaine clicked away immediately, quickly regretting his curiosity. He closed his laptop and tossed it aside as though it was poisonous.

Blaine was sitting cross-legged on the couch, his nose in a book, when Rachel came home a few hours later. Blaine felt the couch dip as she joined him there.

'What's up?' she asked, nudging a shoulder against his.

'What? Nothing? I'm fine.'

'Your book is upside-down, Blaine,' Rachel informed him in an even voice. Blaine flushed. 'You saw the pictures, didn't you?'

Somehow Blaine's first thought was _there was more than one picture? a_nd he wondered if the rest were any better or worse. However, if Rachel's tone was anything to go by, they certainly weren't any better.

'I don't know what you're talking about,' Blaine insisted, staring at the upside-down page number in his book and feeling too embarrassed to admit that he was jealous of this _Scott_ based on nothing more than a photo.

'Look, Kurt assures me they're just friends, no matter what the media says. He's not this guy's new _beau_ or whatever.'

'So what if he is?' Blaine tried for nonchalant, but was pretty sure he was failing. 'Kurt's allowed to date. It's kind of the point of this whole thing.' He made a vague gesture with his hand, before finally abandoning his book on the coffee table.

'I don't think that's...' She trailed off, frowning for a short moment. 'Well, you're allowed to date, too, don't forget,' Rachel told him, clearly trying to show him a silver lining. 'Have you even-'

'No.' Blaine's voice was firm. 'We're doing this for Kurt's sake, not mine. I'll wait all year if I have to, but I'm not dating anyone else while there's still a chance he's not done with us.'

.

.

_Day 54_

'I have a date,' Kurt informed Blaine on the final night of August. 'Well, kind of. It's a blind date that a mutual friend set up. She talked him up so much I'd have felt rude saying no.'

Blaine's inside felt like they were twisting into knots. Just the day before he himself had turned down a similar offer with the words _I'm sorry, I can't, I'm still in love with my ex._ And then he had gone home and eaten half a tub of ice cream, because in his fluster he had just called Kurt his _ex_.

'Okay. Well, have fun, I guess,' Blaine forced out, feeling more than a little pathetic being so decidedly _not_ over them, fighting back advances from Sebastian who had somehow caught wind of the situation, while Kurt readily accepted dates.

'What about you? Are you... Have you met anyone?'

'No. It hasn't come up.'

.

.

_Day 73_

'Hey,' Blaine called from his place on the couch in the living room, where he was attempting to stay focused on his homework, when the front door slammed.

'Hi,' Rachel greeted tiredly, before flopping down on next to him a few moments later.

'Long journey?'

'Long journey,' she confirmed. Rachel had been to visit Kurt in LA for a few days, and Blaine was dying to ask questions, but wasn't sure he particularly wanted to hear the answers. So far Kurt had been pretty good about keeping Blaine informed, telling him when he went on a date or to a party, but Blaine couldn't decide whether he was glad of that or if he would rather just not know.

'Nice trip?' he asked, trying to sound casual and feigning interest in whatever was on his computer screen.

'Yeah, definitely,' she said sincerely. 'He's doing what he loves. It's great to see him so happy, you know?'

Blaine made a non-committal sound, as he continued to fiddle with his laptop.

'Okay, you're gonna have to help me out here,' Rachel said then, causing Blaine to look up, frowning in confusion.

'What?'

Rachel moved so she was kneeling on the couch, and she looked imploringly at Blaine. 'Look, I know all this,' she gestured with her hand. 'must be difficult for you. I know you miss him. But Blaine, I don't know what you want from me, and you're gonna have to tell me. I'll give you details and my thoughts and the whole shebang, if you want, but sometimes I think you'd rather I just spare you.'

'I'm not sure I know either.' Blaine sighed. 'Wait, what does "spare" me mean?' Rachel just looked at him for a long moment. Did he really want to know? Maybe not, but he needed to. He took a deep breath. 'Okay. Lay it on me. Tell me everything.'

And tell him everything she did; from the moment she arrived in LA to the moment she stepped back into the apartment. Whether or not it involved Kurt. Blaine rolled his eyes fondly as she spoke.

'So he's dating? A lot.'

'If you want to look at it that way, then yes, I guess. But Blaine, for what it's worth, I really don't think he's looking for anything serious. I think you've got this idea in your head that he's unsure of you or something, but all I saw was a guy going to parties and the occasional date, enjoying some innocent flirting. Like an extended bachelor party, or something.'

'Great. Good for him.' But there was no joy in Blaine's voice.

'I'm sure once the year is done, when you graduate and you can join him, he'll want to pick things up.' Rachel put a comforting hand on his shoulder and gave him a reassuring smile.

'I hope so. It's just...' Blaine closed his eyes for a second. 'I guess I can understand where he's coming from with all this. It _was_ difficult being apart in his freshman year. I can sort of understand the impulse to want to try being single in a big city, if we're going to be apart for the next year, anyway. But it's just- Even if we get together again, it wasn't supposed to be like this, you know? I wanted to someday tell our kids the story of how I met Kurt at sixteen and it's only ever been us. No wavering. The whole thing is just so _shitty_.'

'I know, sweetie. But things don't work out the way you plan. That's life.' She spoke softly, but Blaine thought he detected an edge of impatience in her voice, and he felt another miserable stab of embarrassment at his inability to handle the situation. 'I mean, look at me. I thought for sure I'd marry Finn and look how that went. But we've both moved on and are happier people for it.'

'Is that your way of telling me it's time to move on?' Blaine cocked an eyebrow, smiling wryly.

'No,' Rachel insisted, dragging out the word. 'But maybe it'd be good if you went out sometime? You've never been single in a big city either.'

'Can't,' Blaine said quickly. The very thought made him feel ill. 'No time. Too much school work.'

.

.

_Day 85_

'Dude, are you coming or not?' Max poked his head into the bathroom, where Blaine stood in his underwear post-shower. 'Cause we kind of need to get going soon.'

'Oh. I guess you should just go on without me,' Blaine said jumping on the excuse. 'I'll just-'

'Oh, no you don't,' came Rachel's voice as she barged into the bathroom, pushing Max aside in the process, and immediately started dragging Blaine out of there by the arm. 'He's coming,' she told Max who watched in amusement. 'Give me five minutes.'

'Rachel-' Blaine began when she had led him to his bedroom and started rummaging through his closet, but she cut him off with an impatient 'Shush!' She rifled through his clothes for half a minute, before throwing a pair of pants and a matching shirt on the bed. She regarded him sternly, hands on hips.

'Get dressed,' she ordered. Blaine opened his mouth to protest. 'Ah! I don't want to hear it. I don't care if you spend the night in your own corner, not talking to anyone, but you are going to this party and that's that.'

Sensing defeat, Blaine reluctantly started pulling on the clothes Rachel had picked out for him.

'It's not like I'd let anyone down by not going,' Blaine whined, pouting a little. 'These are all Max's friends.'

'Perfect. Then they won't care if you're being an anti-social ass.'

She gave him a meaningful look, and Blaine gave an exasperated sigh. 'Honestly, I'd rather just stay home and-'

'Curl up on the couch? Watch a bunch of bad rom-coms?' _Yeah, actually that sounds really good_. 'I'm sorry, but I'm done watching you mope around the apartment like a kicked puppy. You've been doing nothing else for two months and I'm sick of it. Here. Shoes.'

Blaine put on the shoes on with a scowl. 'My hair-'

'Is fine. You can go one night without product. No one's gonna care. They're all drunk anyway.' Rachel gave him the once-over, and – apparently satisfied – she added, 'Now, get.'

Blaine moved out of his bedroom and into the hall, before Rachel could drag him by the arm again.

'He's ready,' Rachel announced to Max who was waiting at the front door. She kissed Blaine once on the cheek and gave him a reassuring smile. 'Have fun.'

'Thanks,' Blaine muttered, sending her a small smile and hoping she would understand what he meant.

.

.

_Day 105 _

The phone rang in Blaine's ear. One, two, three, four times.

Since they first met in 2010, Blaine and Kurt had always celebrated the day they met as much as the day they got together (which Blaine quietly called 'The day I got my head out of my ass'). Blaine did not want 2016 to be an exception, so he planned on flying out to LA, so they could celebrate together. The day fell on a Wednesday this year, which for obvious reasons did not really work for either of them, so Blaine was calling Kurt to ask him whether the weekend before or after was better for him.

Blaine frowned lightly as the phone continued to ring with no answer. Kurt was usually pretty quick to pick up his phone. Of course, Blaine realized, today was Friday. Kurt was probably out at some party or-

'Hello?' a voice said, before Blaine could finish the thought. It was clearly a man's voice, but it definitely wasn't Kurt's.

'I'm sorry, is this the right number?' Blaine frowned. The man was breathing heavily into the phone and there was a strange scuffling noise in the background. 'I'm looking for Kurt?'

'Sorry, mate,' the man, who seemed to be speaking with an English accent, sounded out of breath when he replied, and what was that _noise_? 'Kurt's a little tied up at the moment. Can I take a message?'

The man sounded oddly smug, and it sent shivers up Blaine's spine for reasons he couldn't quite explain yet. And then he heard a quiet sated sort of giggling in the background – and that was definitely _Kurt_ giggling.

'Josh, what are you doing?' Blaine dimly noted that Kurt, too, was breathing heavily. 'You don't answer my phone in the middle off-'

Kurt's words were cut off by a loud, clearly pleasure-induced moan, and Blaine froze, feeling all the blood drain from his face as he realized what was happening. He ended the call quickly, before dropping the phone as though it were on fire, but the noises he had heard still rang in his head, and a picture was forming in his mind of Kurt sprawled on a bed – his own maybe – in some obscene position with this faceless English prick pounding into him and-

Blaine shook his head, getting to his feet and starting to pace around the apartment in a vain attempt to clear the image from his mind, but everywhere he turned he was reminded of Kurt. The couch – they used to make out there. The desk – Kurt used to sit there, studying or dreaming up new designs. The kitchen – Kurt was a fantastic cook. Blaine's bedroom, which used to be _their_ bedroom – the _things_ they had done in there; things Kurt was doing with someone else right this minute. The guy – _Josh_ – had used the words "tied up", and oh god, had he meant literally?

Without really thinking about it, Blaine had picked his phone back up and was calling the first person that came to mind.

.

Blaine was sitting alone at the bar, scowling into his drink. Loud music filled the place, but it wasn't enough to drown out the giggling and the moaning and the comfortable way Kurt had addressed the guy, and Blaine knew beyond a doubt that what he had heard wasn't their first time together, and god, he felt so _stupid_. He heard Kurt's voice in his head, asking him over and over _Are you seeing anyone yet?_ and then the unspoken _Maybe you should_. Blaine downed the rest of his drink in one go, wishing he could stop clinging to a past that Kurt had so obviously let go of, and feeling pathetic and useless that he couldn't.

'Hey there, killer, slow down,' a familiar voice greeted him, its owner patting him on the shoulder. 'You're way ahead of me already.'

'You came.' Blaine had never been so glad to see Sebastian Smythe.

'You sounded upset,' Sebastian shrugged, gesturing to the bartender for drinks. 'Booth?' he nodded towards an empty booth in the corner, and Blaine followed him there, letting himself sink back into the plushy seat. 'What's up?'

'He's moving on,' Blaine croaked. 'Kurt. From us.'

'O-kay,' Sebastian said slowly, and Blaine knew that "confidante" was not really Sebastian's favorite role to play. Blaine didn't know why he was telling Sebastian this, or even why he had wanted to see him tonight. 'Has he actually told you that?'

'Not exactly,' Blaine admitted. 'But he's fucking someone else.'

'Well, that doesn't have to mean anything. Take it from me. Sometimes sex is just sex.' Sebastian did his best to sound like he was reassuring his friend, but Blaine also heard the slight disappointment in his voice, and Blaine wondered again why he had thought it was a good idea to spill his guts to Sebastian Smythe of all people.

'Not for Kurt.' True, these days Kurt was far from the "baby penguin" he had been at seventeen, but still, Blaine couldn't see him jumping into bed with the first guy that came along, newly single or not. And if he did, what did that make Blaine?

'You guys are on a break, though, right? Isn't that kind of what you do? See other people and stuff?' Sebastian reasoned.

'Would he be fucking someone else if he planned on us getting back together?'

'I don't know, would he?' Sebastian shrugged. 'I'm sorry, I really suck at this stuff. But I always kind of figured that was the point of a break. Fucking around.'

'That's not what-' Blaine made a choked sound. 'He said he needed the year to figure things out. Looks like he has,' Blaine added bitterly.

'Well, then I'm sorry.'

'No, you're not,' Blaine chuckled despite himself.

'Okay, you got me.' Sebastian threw his hands up in mock surrender. 'I've always thought you were too good for him and if he's letting you go, well, then he's fucking blind and stupid. But I _am_ sorry if you're hurting,' he added, his voice soft and his hand touching the side of Blaine's face in a surprisingly tender gesture. Blaine sighed and closed his eyes, raising his hand to cover Sebastian's hand, keeping it there.

He heard the soft squeaking sound as Sebastian scooted closer to him in the booth, and he kept his eyes closed as he felt soft breath against his mouth. The kiss was hesitant almost, soft and barely there. When it broke after just a few seconds, Blaine opened his eyes to find Sebastian staring at him, his expression soft.

'Perfect,' Sebastian muttered, and something in Blaine fluttered at the word.

'Seb,' Blaine whined a little.

Blaine might be a little tipsy at this point, but he wasn't stupid. He knew what Sebastian was doing, what he was hoping for. However, at this moment with Sebastian being everything he needed him to be, Blaine didn't much care what the other boy's agenda was.

Sebastian brushed his thumb across Blaine's bottom lip, and Blaine shivered.

'Gorgeous.'

'Are you- Do you live nearby?' Blaine asked.

'Not far,' Sebastian replied calmly, shrugging, his darkened eyes the only thing betraying him. 'You sure?'

'Yes.'

.

.

_Day 106_

When Blaine woke the next morning, the first thing he was aware of was a warm arm draped across his back. He was confused for a second until he shifted slightly, feeling the soreness in his body and the night before came rushing back to him. He felt dirty and used – and oddly a little like he had used Sebastian. But a strange sort of calm had washed over him, and he felt a little less broken than he had yesterday.

There was a buzzing noise coming from somewhere on the floor. Blaine turned his head to look and realized that it was coming from his pants. Sebastian stirred beside him.

'Hm...leave it.'

'But, I should-' Blaine rarely ignored a phone call, as it had always made him feel rude. He successfully pulled the phone from his pants, but then Sebastian was pulling him back by the waist, fully awake now. He rolled Blaine onto his back, grinning at him and playfully pinning the arm that held the phone and kissing him open-mouthed.

'Let it go to voice mail. The world doesn't end because Blaine Anderson doesn't answer his phone.'

Blaine grinned happily, but took the phone in his other hand and answered it anyway, forgetting to check the caller-id.

'Hello?'

'Blaine! Hi! It's Kurt.'

'Kurt!' Blaine quickly sat up, ignoring Sebastian's eye-rolling.

'Listen, before you say anything, I need to apologize for last night. That was- You shouldn't have had to hear that. Josh, he- he shouldn't have done that. I'm really, really sorry.' Kurt did sound genuinely sorry.

'Yeah, that was... unexpected. And no offense, but your boyfriend's kind of a douche.'

'He's not my _boyfriend_, Blaine,' Kurt said quickly. Exactly how was that better?

'I slept with Sebastian,' Blaine announced before he could stop to think about what he was saying. Behind him Sebastian sucked in a breath, but didn't otherwise move or say anything.

'Oh.'

Blaine wasn't sure what he hoped to gain by telling Kurt. Jealousy? Anger? Disappointment? Maybe Blaine hoped that Kurt would yell at him; after all the crap he had pulled over the years, why Sebastian? _Because unlike you Sebastian still wants me_. Maybe he just wanted to hurt Kurt a little. Whatever it was it certainly wasn't _oh_.

_Oh_ was barely even a reaction at all.

.

On the train ride home later that day, Blaine's mind was reeling. If sleeping with Sebastian of all people – with all the history and everything Blaine knew he represented to Kurt – only rendered quiet acceptance from Kurt, then it really didn't matter to him anymore what Blaine did. He was finally beginning to accept the fact that Kurt was moving on. A tightness formed in his chest at the realization. Blaine wasn't angry with Kurt. He couldn't be. But that didn't mean that living with the knowledge was going to be easy. And despite living in opposite ends of the country, Kurt was still so much in his life, just not in the way Blaine wanted him to be, and it _hurt_.

His mind made up, Blaine went straight to his bedroom and turned on his computer, when he got home. He logged on to Facebook and, before he could second-guess his decision, he promptly unfriended one Kurt Hummel. Next he pulled out his phone and finally changed the ringtone for calls from Kurt back to the regular one, the same one he had for everyone else. He felt sagely grateful that he would no longer have to listen to that inane song every time Kurt called. Not that he expected Kurt to be calling a lot. That was kind of the point.

It was time to stop focusing on the past and look ahead.

.

* * *

><p>.<p>

Kurt knew that he had no right to be upset, but still – _Sebastian_? That kind of stung. Kurt had wanted to say something – make a snarky comment, maybe even yell at Blaine – but everything he had been able to come up with seemed inappropriate given that less than twenty-four hours ago, Blaine had been made to actually _listen_ to Kurt with Josh. Josh, who Kurt didn't even _like_ (Blaine was right, the guy was kind of a douche), and didn't that just make Kurt sound like a slut?

He wasn't though, Kurt reasoned. A slut. Josh was the only guy Kurt had even been with that way since arriving in LA. Kurt went out a lot, yes, but really it was all one-off dates and casual flirting in bars. Kurt was having fun enough, sure, but, if he was honest, the single life wasn't all it was cracked up to be, and Blaine was still the only guy whose image Kurt jerked off to at night. Josh had been … a mistake. Now, in the harsh light of the day, Kurt regretted his actions deeply, and not just because of the phone call.

Blaine's graduation couldn't come fast enough, as far as Kurt was concerned. Blaine had to know that, right? Hadn't Kurt told him he didn't want to break up for real? Of course Blaine could see other people just as much as Kurt could, but somehow when Kurt had imagined it, it had all been innocent flirting and maybe a kiss or two. When Kurt had suggested the break back in July "other people" had seemed so abstract; a concept rather than the potential of a real tangible person taking the place of either himself or Blaine. _Sebastian_ made the whole thing real to Kurt in a way it hadn't been before, and he couldn't help the nagging feeling that Blaine had chosen Sebastian on purpose. Sebastian wasn't exactly in their lives anymore; Blaine had to have sought him out, and he could hardly be said to have gone to any trouble to keep it from Kurt. It was almost as if Blaine wanted to send Kurt a message.

_See how much better off I am without you? _

And then logging on to Facebook the next day to find himself no longer friends with Blaine seemed to be the final _Bye, I've moved on_.

Kurt had not actually intended on either of them finding someone else. _Blaine _was the guy he was supposed to marry. Kurt had never meant for it to come to this. It was all just supposed to be a way to make the year easier for them. At the time it had made sense to him, but now he didn't know anymore. And now Blaine was gone, and it was Kurt's own damned fault. He had made his own bed, when he had suggested the break, and now it seemed he would be forced to lie in it.

.

* * *

><p><strong>So to recap; Blaine needs to work on that confidence of his, and, in Sebastian's words, Kurt is being kind of blind and stupid, even if he isn't letting Blaine go willingly. Oh, boys learn to communicate, will you? (Except then I'd have no story.)<strong>

**You'll get more on this from Kurt's perspective eventually, but for now it's back to teenage Kurt in 2012. Unfortunately I'm too busy to write much this week and I'm out of the country for all of next week, so I can't promise when I'll be able to update. Hopefully the week after the next.**

**As always thank you for reading! :)**


	8. Part 7

_You can't take back all those years_

'We're not together. Me and him. In the future. Kurt- he's going to leave me.'

Kurt goes still at the words and he watches as, in front of him, Blaine – beautiful, perfect Blaine – falls apart into Rachel's arms. Kurt's entire being has gone numb, aware of only one thing.

_I'm the one who does that to him_.

And then Rachel spots him and Blaine turns around, his bloodshot eyes going wide with shock at the sight of Kurt. Blood is rushing in Kurt's ears and he stares at Blaine, barely hearing when he says Kurt's name.

'I- I don't understand.' Kurt's voice is hardly more than a whisper.

'I should- I'll just- go,' Rachel mumbles, her eyes shining with tears and for once words fail her. Kurt only vaguely registers when she leaves the room and he hears the slam of the front door as if from a mile away.

'I don't understand,' Kurt repeats, as Blaine stands to face Kurt properly.

'What is there to understand? You wanted to know why I've been different. Well, you got your answer: We're not together in the future, which makes it sort of hard for me to be here.' Kurt hears Blaine fighting to keep his voice indifferent, and Blaine shrugs as he finishes, 'Mystery solved.'

Kurt takes a few steps closer to Blaine. 'Hey, don't talk to me like it's nothing. I think we've gone a bit beyond that now, don't you?'

Blaine gives Kurt a tired 'whatever' look, before moving past him and leaving the room.

'Where are you going?' Kurt asks, following Blaine into the hall, where he is already ascending the stairs, two steps at a time. 'Blaine!'

They reach Blaine's bedroom, and Blaine fumbles with the light switch for a moment before the room is bathed in light.

'It has to be a mistake; a misunderstanding,' Kurt protests, watching Blaine, his back turned and looking around the room as though searching for something. 'I wouldn't- I could never leave you.'

'You don't know that,' Blaine retorts, and the harsh edge in his voice feels like a slap to Kurt's face. A second later Blaine spots what he is looking for; his laptop partly buried under a stack of books and papers. He locates the power cord and takes both things into his arms, before leaving the room as quickly as he came.

'Blaine!' Kurt rushes after him, pausing only to turn off the lights. 'Talk to me. You can't just dump something like that on me, and then expect me to-'

'You weren't meant to hear,' Blaine says offhandedly, like it's no big deal that Kurt did hear, as he places the laptop on the coffee table and looks around for a power plug.

'But I did hear,' Kurt counters, watching Blaine plug in the power for his laptop. 'You can't just-' Kurt grabs Blaine by the arm before he can sit down, imploring him, 'Blaine, talk to me.'

Blaine freezes and the hard look he sends Kurt only lasts a couple of seconds. Then he seems to give up as all the tension leaves him, and he deflates a little, appearing somehow even smaller than normal.

'I can't. Kurt, I can't,' he breathes, his voice shaky. 'Now more than ever, you have to understand why I can't.'

Kurt pulls him into a hug then, and Blaine lets him. This is the closest Blaine – this brokenhearted Blaine – has let him, and as Kurt closes his eyes for a moment, he almost loses himself in the warmth and the scent of the other man, different after all these years, but still unmistakably _Blaine_. Too soon, though, Blaine pulls away again, and Kurt watches sadly as Blaine sits carefully down on the couch, pulling the laptop onto his lap. Kurt sits next to Blaine, regarding him quietly.

'I just wanna go home, you know?'

'I know.' Kurt's heart aches with how difficult it must have been for Blaine these past few days – hell, the past few _years_, however long it has been since they split (Kurt's stomach lurches uncomfortably as he says the words in his mind). Kurt chances a soft touch to Blaine's upper arm, caressing with his thumb in what he hopes is a soothing manner. 'I'm sorry.'

'It's not your fault,' Blaine murmurs and Kurt blinks, because does he really mean that?

'If I...leave you,' Kurt almost chokes on the words. 'Doesn't that by definition make it my fault?'

'I can't blame you for how you feel.' Blaine doesn't look up from the computer screen where Kurt sees him type the words "time travel" into a search engine. 'It's not like you were really cruel about it.'

'Can I- What happened?' Kurt asks softly.

Blaine sighs before finally looking up and meeting Kurt's eyes.

'We just- You had just graduated from college and it was my final year. You had to move to another city and you didn't want to do the long-distance thing again, so you suggested that we take a break.' Blaine is speaking calmly, but Kurt can hear how difficult it is for him to talk about it. Something about his tone reminds Kurt of the would-be casual way Blaine first spoke of the assault he and his friend suffered at his old school's Sadie Hawkins dance. Even down to the way he speaks the final few words, so clearly trying to make them mean less than they do. 'And it just – never ended.'

'A break?' Kurt repeats disbelievingly. 'Isn't the point of those that you get back together?'

'I guess...' Blaine sighs, looking away again. 'That's what you said at first, but you...' Blaine trails off, seemingly unable to finish the sentence. He stares at his hands, resting idly on the keyboard, and Kurt watches him mutely, deciding not to press. 'You moved on.'

'I... move on?' Kurt is struggling to make sense of any of this in his head. Even the arrival of future Blaine three days ago hadn't caused him this much of a headache.

'It took months, but eventually, yes,' Blaine nods. 'And then finally, for the sake of my sanity, I did, too.'

It sounds so uncharacteristically peaceful to Kurt. When he sometimes has nightmares about Blaine and himself breaking up, it's always horribly dramatic, full of tears and betrayal. Kurt doesn't know what to make of any of what Blaine is telling him now.

None of this makes any damn _sense_. Kurt knows that technically – statistically – he shouldn't be surprised that he and Blaine don't work out. In this day and age it has to be pretty rare for a high school couple to stay together forever and ever. Perhaps it was naive of Kurt to imagine that he and Blaine would be one of the few who did, but he also feels sure – though he would never say it to their faces – that what he and Blaine share goes beyond what most of his classmates have experienced. Which is why it makes so little sense to him that simply taking a break for practical reasons would ever lead to either of them moving on.

'Did you- Did we even fight for it?' Kurt can't keep the disappointment out his voice. It's not disappointment in Blaine, or even himself. Kurt is disappointed in _them_.

'Well, after I found out that you'd been sleeping with someone else, there wasn't really a lot left to fight for,' Blaine spits out, his tone surprisingly harsh suddenly, and Kurt's eyes widen, a wave of nausea washing over him. Blaine looks up, regret in his eyes and biting his lip. 'I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that.'

True, Kurt could have done without that knowledge, but he pushes the nausea and his own feelings aside in favor of the man beside him.

'No, don't apologize. I _want _you to be angry. I'm the one who should be sorry.'

'For what? You have done anything yet. And, like I said, I don't blame you. You only came to the realization that I'm not what you need – that-that I'm not enough for you – and you acted accordingly. How can that be your fault?' Blaine gives a self-deprecating laugh. 'If anything it's mine...'

'What? No! Blaine, no. Just- d-don't even think that.'

Blaine just shrugs and Kurt's stomach clenches painfully. Kurt wishes he could find better words to express his discomfort, but before he can come up with a better argument than 'no', Blaine speaks again, his voice tired and small this time.

'Can we not talk about this anymore? Can we just concentrate on getting me home now?' Blaine nods at the screen.

'I- Okay.' Kurt doesn't know what else to say. He scoots a bit closer to Blaine to better be able to see the computer screen. Kurt doesn't miss the way Blaine tenses slightly as their legs touch, but neither does he know what to do about it, his head swirling with thoughts and emotions _and it's all too much_, so he doesn't comment. Instead he keeps his voice light as he asks, 'What are we looking for?'

* * *

><p>'I don't know,' Blaine admits with a breathy chuckle. 'Time travel stuff. Ideas. Theories. Anything that's different from what we've been doing but that doesn't involve building a machine or a Time-Turner or something.'<p>

'A Time-Turner?' Kurt raises an eyebrow in question.

'Harry Potter, Kurt,' Blaine says, voice exasperated. He laughs shortly. 'See, I knew you weren't paying attention when I made you watch the movies.'

Kurt doesn't laugh, but that's okay, Blaine isn't either, not really. As Blaine turns his attention back to the task at hand, skimming through the Wikipedia article on time travel, he feels Kurt lean in a bit closer in order to read along. Soon, though, Kurt leans back into his own space, and Blaine can tell that his eyes are on Blaine more than the screen. After a few minutes Kurt begins muttering something unintelligible over and over again, seemingly lost in his own head. Blaine lets him be, concentrating on his need to find a way home and _soon_. The longer he is here, the harder it will be when he no longer is. However, then Kurt seems to catch himself and he stops his muttering, before speaking in a louder, firmer voice, drawing Blaine from his research.

'I'll fix it.'

'What?' Blaine asks perplexed.

'I'll fix it,' Kurt declares again, meeting and keeping Blaine's gaze, letting him know he means it. 'You've told me now, that means I can change what happens.'

'You wanna- Kurt, no. You can't and you mustn't.' As Blaine scrolls idly down the page on his laptop, he senses Kurt watching him, mouth hanging open slightly and a frown on his face. Blaine sighs. 'I didn't tell you to make you change anything. What's done is done.'

'I'm not sure I get it, Blaine. I thought you'd want things to be different?' The hurt in Kurt's voice is palpable.

'I do,' Blaine states emphatically. 'But you can't mess with history like that. We have no idea what might happen. It's too dangerous.' And the thought occurs to Blaine, that if history did change, what would happen to him? Would he just cease to exist, or would he keep going in an alternate universe where nothing changed? Blaine isn't sure he likes either of those possibilities.

'But what if things really could change?' Kurt presses. '_What if_,' Blaine sees a metaphorical light bulb go off above Kurt's head. 'That's the entire reason you're here. To tell me what happens, so I can change it.'

'I thought you didn't believe in a higher power,' Blaine states evenly.

'I also thought there was no such thing as time travel and yet...' Kurt gestures with his hand in Blaine's general direction. 'Here you are.'

'Point taken,' Blaine chuckles briefly. 'Seriously though, Kurt. You can't. If there's one thing I've learned from sci-fi, it's that you don't mess with history.'

'Well, it's not history to me!' Kurt is on his feet suddenly. He stands for a moment facing the window and the quiet night outside, before he turns to look at Blaine who hasn't moved from his position on the couch. 'What do you expect me to do?' Kurt's voice cracks and his eyes are shining with the tears he's trying to hold back. 'Just let everything happen like you say it does? When there's a chance I can fix it?'

'You're assuming you're going to want to,' Blaine points out wearily, ready to end the conversation. 'This isn't like fixing an accident or changing an arbitrary right to a left. It's a breakup.'

'But if future me could see you right now...' Kurt objects desperately. 'He would want you back, I know it.'

'You think that's what I want?' Blaine snaps, jaw tightening in annoyance. 'You to take me back out of pity? Like I'm someone you should feel sorry for? I don't need your charity, and I sure as hell don't want it.'

'It's not _charity_, think this is just about pity or guilt? You think I'm not devastated to hear about this? You think I'm lying when I say I love you?'

'Maybe not. But four years is a long time, and people change, Kurt. Even you.'

Blaine looks away when his voice breaks on the last two words, and he hates himself a little for letting it happen. It's been more than ten years; he shouldn't still feel like this. Well, he _hadn't _felt like this, not for a long time. It's not like Blaine has spent every moment pining after Kurt. Out of sight, out of mind, right? Blaine does have a life. But being here with a Kurt that still looks at Blaine like he's the best thing in Kurt's life – a Kurt that still thinks that Blaine is the one for him, who doesn't yet _know_ – well, it has opened up wounds that Blaine thought were healed.

He is beginning to realize that they will probably never heal fully, and the best thing he can do is to stop picking at them.

'Oh, Blaine.'

Blaine looks up to find Kurt watching him with a tender expression on his face, and Blaine wants to look away from those beautiful eyes, terrifying in their warmth and softness. But he can't, because as much as he doesn't want to think about what they tell him, it's also all he has ever wanted.

Without breaking eye contact, Kurt steps forward and kneels at the couch in front of Blaine. He closes the lid of Blaine's laptop and gently tugs it away from Blaine, placing it on the coffee table behind him. All without taking his eyes off Blaine.

'What're you-' Blaine begins.

'Shh,' Kurt shushes him, not not in a reprimanding way but soothingly, placing two fingers lightly over Blaine's mouth and Blaine shivers at the touch. He swallows and gives a small nod. Kurt places two hands on Blaine's lower thighs, just above the knees. 'I love you.'

Blaine's response is automatic. 'I know. I love you, too.'

'No, you don't know.' Kurt shakes his head sadly. 'I. Love. You.'

Blaine looks away then, rejecting Kurt's words.

'Listen to me,' Kurt implores, squeezing a little around Blaine's thighs. 'I _love_ you. _You_. Unconditionally. Not "maybe", or "kind of", or because I don't know any better.'

'Don't,' Blaine begs brokenly, still not looking at Kurt.

'Don't love you?'

'Don't make me believe you,' Blaine whispers, chancing a glance at Kurt but looking away almost immediately when earnest glasz eyes meet his.

'Why?'

'Because if I-' Blaine throat constricts and he has to swallow hard to continue. 'If I never really had your love, then I never lost it. And that's- that's better.'

'Bullshit,' Kurt exclaims with such ferocity that Blaine forgets to not look at him. Kurt's tone is not angry, but firm and demanding. 'You need to stop it, Blaine.'

'What?'

Kurt doesn't answer him, but scrambles gracefully to his feet, before he sits on the couch with his back against the armrest and his legs stretched in front of him. He opens his arms, motioning to Blaine. 'C'mere.'

Blaine eyes him skeptically and opens his mouth to protest, but Kurt cuts him off, giving Blaine a look that is somehow both steely and warm. 'No. No arguing.'

With a small sigh Blaine acquiesces and curls up next to Kurt. He rests his head on Kurt's chest, letting the younger man wrap his warm arms around him, but he doesn't allow himself to relax.

* * *

><p>'Whatever happened with me and you,' Kurt tells Blaine in a soft voice, as one hand strokes Blaine's arm gently. 'You need to know that none of it was your fault.'<p>

Blaine lets out a huff of breath that could almost be a scoff and he tenses a little under Kurt's touch, but he doesn't offer a verbal response.

'You say you don't blame me. Well, then don't blame yourself either.'

Blaine doesn't move in Kurt's arms, but, heartened by his lack of protests, Kurt keeps talking, desperate to make Blaine see.

'Maybe I can't control or change what happens in the future.' _I'll fix it. I swear, I'll fix it_. 'Maybe future me won't be there for you the way you deserve.' _Please god, there has to be a way to fix this_. 'But at least let me be there for you now, because right now you – any and all incarnations of you – are so so loved. I love you, Blaine. _God_, I love you so much, you have no idea. And if I ever forget that, I am _so_ incredibly sorry, and it's on me. Not you.'

'_Kurt,_' Blaine sobs, his eyes shining and his eyelashes wet with tears, though his face is dry.

'It's okay. You can let go. I love you,' he repeats, holding on tighter even as Blaine begins to squirm against him, his breathing ragged. And Kurt will keep repeating those three words over and over until Blaine believes him, because if 2016 really is the end of them (_please no, it can't be_) it's important that Blaine _know_ beyond a doubt that it was real between them.

'_Why_? I'm pathetic.'

'Hey, watch it. That's my boyfriend you're talking about.' Kurt tries a smile, but he doesn't think Blaine sees. To compensate Kurt runs his fingers through Blaine's hair, the way he so rarely gets to do as the hair is almost never without gel. Then, on a whim, Kurt starts singing softly.

_You're so mean when you talk_

_About yourself, you are wrong _

_Change the voices in your head_

_Make them like you instead_

Blaine's breathing slows down some, and Kurt thinks he sees the corners of Blaine's mouth twitch slightly. So he keeps singing, jumping straight to the chorus and the point he wants to make.

_Pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel_

_Like you're less than fucking perfect_

They usually leave out the expletive when singing the song together, but tonight Kurt keeps it for emphasis. Blaine snorts and he sounds amused more than derisive, which Kurt takes as a good sign.

_Pretty pretty please, if you ever ever feel _

_Like you're nothing, you're fucking perfect to me_

After the last note Kurt tilts Blaine's face up to look at him properly, waiting until Blaine meets his gaze to ask, 'Okay?'

A second or two passes and then a smile spreads on Blaine's face – tentative, but a genuine smile nonetheless – and he gives a small nod. 'Okay.'

The change in Blaine is immediate as he finally lets go. Kurt feels Blaine's entire body relaxing against him, and the older man gives a small sigh as all the tension leaves him and he allows himself to just _be_. Blaine snuggles closer, bringing a hand to rest on Kurt's chest.

'I will never stop loving you.' Blaine speaks calmly, but the sheer passion in his eyes causes heat to rise in Kurt's cheeks. 'I _can't_ stop loving you.'

'Tell me about it,' Kurt chuckles as Blaine smiles knowingly at him. An unspoken understanding falls between them, and Kurt realizes he doesn't have to say those words again. Blaine knows. They are both aware that Kurt can't make any promises, but neither of them are thinking about the future – r_ight now_ is what's important. It doesn't matter that it won't last, or that Blaine is thirty-two and still lost out of his time, because at this moment they are _perfect_.

They lean in at the same time as though this was the plan all along. Their lips meet in a tender kiss, and Kurt closes his eyes, focusing on the feel of Blaine's lips, soft and sure against his own. Just as the kiss deepens, there is an odd swooshing sound and at once Kurt knows exactly what is happening. He keeps his eyes closed and his lips locked with Blaine's even as he feels the change happening; the slightly different musculature, the hair tangled between Kurt's fingers a little shorter.

Kurt breaks the kiss finally, opening his eyes to find Blaine – young, seventeen-year-old Blaine – looking back at him with confusion etched on his face. Kurt gives a small cry, before he pulls Blaine into a hug, clinging to him as tight as he can. _I am never saying goodbye to you_.

'Kurt...You're...' Blaine sounds uncertain, as though he doesn't really understand anything, but he clings to Kurt almost as tightly.

Finally Kurt pulls them both into a seated position and he pulls away from Blaine a little, letting them both breathe. He cups the side of his boyfriend's face gently.

'I missed you so much.'

Blaine smiles at Kurt's words, though he still looks a bit dazed. 'I … missed you, too? Where'd I go?'

'You were...' Kurt starts but trails off. Wait, where _did_ Blaine go exactly? Kurt could have sworn he knew the answer to that a moment ago. 'You were away. Far away. No, wait you were here. We watched West Side Story...' Kurt shakes his head and he closes his eyes, trying to remember. It feels important to him that he not forget the last few days, and he fights to keep the memories.

_Blaine was here and he was older... Finn and Rachel saw him, too... He told me something important... something terrible... something I have to change... Blaine and I..._

But it's like trying to hold on to the details of a dream. Second by second the memories slip away, like water between his fingers, and Kurt groans in frustration, burying his face in his hands.

'Kurt?' Blaine asks nervously. 'What's wrong?'

Kurt looks up and Blaine is watching him apprehensively. There are a handful of small cuts across Blaine's left cheek. They are healing and barely noticeable, but they are there. Kurt frowns. It seems odd that he wouldn't know how Blaine got them.

'Where did you get those?' he asks, running a finger lightly across his own left cheek, so Blaine knows what he means.

'I- I'm not sure.' Blaine's brow furrows as he touches the cuts. His face scrunches up in concentration for a minute. 'I think... car crash?'

_Car crash_. That's it, isn't it? That's what Kurt has been trying to remember. Blaine was in a car crash. No wonder he wanted to forget that.

'Yeah, that's right. I was so worried about you. But you're alright.' Kurt smiles and gives Blaine a short kiss, before pulling him into another hug. He breathes in the scent of his boyfriend and for a moment he thinks it's different than the last time they hugged, but then he shakes his head at himself. This is Blaine. This has always been Blaine.

A short while later they move upstairs and slip into Blaine's bed together, thankful for his parents' absence tonight. As Kurt spoons around Blaine, ready to drift off to sleep, he feels happy and tired in that really comfortable way. Still, he can't help the vague feeling that _something_ is off, like there is something he is supposed to be doing or saying, but then Blaine stirs a little and Kurt smiles, because Blaine is here with him and that's all he needs to know really.

Everything is fine.

* * *

><p><strong>Uh oh. Guess changing the future won't be that easy. :p<strong>

**As always thank you all for reading, and a double thank you to those who comment and/or subscribe. It means to world to me! Just one more part to go now. :) I've a busy month ahead of me, so I can't make any exact promises about when it will be up, but at least sometime during May. Also, thought I'd mention, if you're a LJ user, the fic will also be posted over there, and I post some fanvids once in a while as well. Username's the same as here. That's all. Happy Sunday!**


	9. Part 8

**Yay, I finished! :) Thanks to everyone who has read and commented. And also a huge thank you to the lovely Vanessa for betaing. You've all made my first foray into Glee fic-writing much less scary. :p The final lyric here is from _Iris -_ fitting since that was the GGD song that inspired the lyric quoting in the first place. Oh, and for the record, because I know some people can be a bit sensitive; at no point am I Kurt-bashing - for the most part I don't blame one more than the other, but well, this is Kurt's POV.**

* * *

><p>Chapter 8<p>

_I know that you feel me somehow_

March 23rd 2027

It's a weird day, there is no other way to describe it.

All morning Kurt is unusually jittery and absent-minded, and when he leaves his apartment to make his way across town to an important audition, he almost forgets his keys and on the subway he literally has one foot on the wrong train before he realizes his mistake.

Kurt shakes his head at himself before getting on the correct train on the opposite platform. He doesn't get nervous before an audition. There is always a healthy amount of nerves, yes, but these just serve to psych him up and get him in the right head-space to deliver in the moment. He has never been in the habit of working himself into a frenzy the way Rachel tends to, so he honestly doesn't know what to make of his mood this morning.

Kurt finds himself an empty seat and sits, stifling a sudden yawn as he does. _Why am I tired?_ he wonders vaguely as the train sets into motion. He shouldn't be tired. He slept fine last night. So why... Kurt is unable to suppress the next yawn, and as his eyes begin to droop and his previous restlessness floats away with the rumbling motion of the train, Kurt finds himself nodding off.

* * *

><p><em>Kurt is nineteen and he buzzes his boyfriend into his apartment. <em>Their_ apartment. Moments later the elevator dings and Blaine emerges, arms loaded with bags, heaving and panting but with a huge grin on his face._

_'Just think, that's the last time I'm ever going to be buzzing you in,' Kurt muses, taking one of Blaine's bags and helping his boyfriend inside. He drops the bag on the floor and from his pocket he produces a key attached to a simple silver key-chain engraved with the letters _B.A._ He dangles it in front of Blaine's face. 'I had a pair made.' _

_'I see.' Blaine fakes an air of politeness and takes the key from Kurt, regarding it fondly for a moment, before slipping his finger through the key-chain, letting it dangle there. 'And if I lock myself out?' he queries, his voice low and his hands settling on Kurt's waist, pulling him closer._

_'Well, tough.' Kurt pokes the tip of Blaine's nose playfully and Blaine wriggles his nose in response. 'I have done my last buzzing for you, mister.'_

_'So you're just going to leave me out in the cold to die of hunger and hypothermia?' Blaine pouts, feigning hurt. 'You wound me.'_

_Kurt laughs. 'Okay, I'll let Rachel buzz you in, then.'_

_'Deal,' Blaine grins before pulling Kurt into a tight, warm hug. This whole year has felt like one long wait, and now that it's finally, finally, _finally_ over Kurt smiles into his boyfriend's neck, breathing in the feeling of safety and home, and when he exhales he feels lighter and freer than he has for a year._

* * *

><p><em>Kurt is twenty-three and he is being walked home by his blind date – the one Kurt had felt bad about saying no to, their mutual friend describing the guy as kind of lonely. They come to a halt in front of his apartment building, standing a foot apart and looking at each other for a long moment. The other man swings his arms awkwardly at his side.<em>

_'Thanks. I had fun tonight,' Kurt says because he did, and the guy is nice enough, and there is no sense in making him feel bad. He smiles politely. Kurt leans forward going for a brief hug goodbye, and his eyes widen when instead of a pair of arms around his neck, he feels a pair of lips on his own. For a moment or two he just stands there, too surprised to form any kind of reaction. Hate-kissing and girls notwithstanding, Blaine is the only person to have kissed him before this moment, and for a second Kurt allows curiosity to overcome him, and he lets himself feel what this other person is like. However, an undeniable feeling of _wrong_ washes over him instantly, and he pulls away before he can even entertain the notion of kissing back._

* * *

><p><em>Kurt is eighteen and sitting in Emma Pillsbury's office. Blaine is next to him, looking at him with big sad eyes.<em>

_'I promise, you aren't gonna lose me,' he tells Blaine, and somehow, in a way he can't quite explain, the words feel significant far beyond this moment._

* * *

><p>Kurt starts awake when the train comes to a halt. Starts awake? Wait, was he sleeping? On the train? What <em>is<em> it with him today? Kurt discreetly checks the area around his mouth for drool, because that would be just his luck; getting caught by paparazzi sleeping and drooling on the New York subway, but thankfully he finds no stray saliva and the train seems devoid of people with cameras.

_I was dreaming though, wasn't I?_

Kurt frowns to himself and his hand finds its way into his coat pocket of its own accord, and he absent-mindedly runs his fingers across something there.

_Dreaming vividly._

He pulls his keys from his pocket and picks out the old silver key-chain from the bunch. He runs a finger across the scratched surface and the almost faded engraving – _K.H. –_ and he suddenly finds himself wondering where its twin is.

_No, not just dreaming – remembering. _

_Or – being reminded?_

The train slows down as it approaches Kurt's stop, and he pushes the thought away with a small shake of his head, before he rises from his seat. This is not the time to let anything – least of all _that_ – distract him. However, he reaches the place of his audition almost twenty minutes early, and the girl at the desk informs him that unfortunately they are already ten minutes behind schedule, which leaves Kurt sitting in a room full of nervous auditionees for thirty minutes with nothing to do but let his mind drift.

* * *

><p><em>From Kurt to Blaine, 19.50:<em>

_Sorry, I cant do skype tonight. Crazy busy. Stupid project. :( Call you before bed?_

_Kurt heaved a deep sigh before pressing send and putting his phone down on the table in front of him. Around him his three project partners were in the middle of a heated discussion, and in the few moments he had taken to text Blaine, Kurt had lost the thread completely. He yawned at the prospect of at least two more hours of this. Not that it wasn't great and interesting. It was just … a lot. A moment later his phone buzzed with a reply from Blaine._

_From Blaine to Kurt, 19.51:_

_Ok... I miss seeing you though. :'( Talk later then. xx_

_Kurt winced guiltily as he read Blaine's text. This was the third time in a month that Kurt had had to cancel one of their scheduled Skype sessions because of school or work commitments. As much as he loved New York and the opportunities afforded to him here, he wished – not for the first time – that he wasn't doing it without Blaine. Kurt had of course known from the start that, with Blaine a grade below him, this was how it had to be, but it had taken actually getting to New York and settling into his life for him to realize just how much he would miss having Blaine here. It wasn't just that he missed the simple presence of Blaine (though he did, god did he ever). It was that New York was amazing and big and new and exciting, and he wanted so much to experience all that _with_ Blaine. He wanted to share an apartment and a bedroom with Blaine. He wanted them to meet for lunch in the middle of the day and to go to Broadway shows together at night. He wanted to cook them dinner in _their _apartment and tell each other about their day as they ate, and he wanted to end each day snuggled up in bed together._

_'You okay?' Charlie, who was one of Kurt's project partners, asked him as they were walking home a few hours later. 'You seemed kind of out of it tonight.'_

_'Ugh, I'm so sorry.' Kurt sighed, annoyed with himself for letting his frustrations affect his school work now. 'It's just boyfriend stuff. Long-distance is turning out to be a lot more difficult than I expected.'_

_'He's still in high school, your boyfriend?' Charlie asked and, when Kurt hummed his affirmation, he looked thoughtful for a moment before he continued. 'I had a girlfriend back in Indiana. We ended up breaking up before I left though. Wasn't easy, but it was for the best, you know?' _

_Kurt gave his friend a long, hard look, almost knocking over a little old lady, because he wasn't paying attention to where he was walking. What was Charlie trying to say?_

_'Look, long-distance pretty much sucks,' Charlie sympathized. 'I haven't done it myself, but I've seen enough relationships fall apart that I know well enough, and... I'm not blind, Kurt. I see that it's hard for you. Both of you presumably. Maybe... it's time you call it a day?'_

_Kurt stopped dead in his tracks and a few paces later so did Charlie, who turned to look at Kurt, appearing not at all surprised at the reaction his words had gotten him._

_Kurt took a few moments to swallow and digest Charlie's suggestion. When he responded he spoke slowly in a clear, forced calm voice. 'Listen, I am not breaking up with- with the _love my life_, because he happens to be a year younger than me. That's ridiculous.'_

_'The love of your life? Charlie questioned, skepticism evident. 'Kurt, that's very sweet, but you're nineteen. You have your whole life ahead of you. I'd hate for you to miss out on it because you're busy hanging on to your past.'_

_'Blaine may be my past, but he is also my future, so no, I'm not "hanging on" to anything,' Kurt spat, not really sure why he was getting so annoyed except that this discussion was a far cry from the support he might have hoped for._

_'Okay, okay. I'm sorry.' Charlie raised his hands in surrender. 'It's none of my business and I'm sure you love him. I just thought it might be better to break it off now, rather than a year down the line. I mean, it's not really that realistic for high school couples to stick together forever, is it?'_

_'You know, three years ago I probably would have agreed with you, but...' Kurt's lips curled into a smile as he thought back. 'When I first joined my high school's show choir, we were a bunch of loser wannabes and we probably weren't even that good. Last year we won Nationals. My dad? Two years ago he had a heart attack and we thought he might die. Now he's entering his second year as a US congressman. And me, I used to get tossed in dumpsters on a daily basis and called every dirty name in the book. And now I'm _here_. As for Blaine, he was the random stranger I stopped on a staircase in a school where I wasn't even supposed to be. So as far as I'm concerned? Screw "realistic".'_

* * *

><p>'Kurt Hummel?' Kurt starts out of his daydream – at least he wasn't sleeping this time – and looks up at the woman who called his name. 'They're ready for you now.'<p>

Kurt does his best to appear composed as he gets to his feet and follows the woman's directions down a bare hall and through the door at the end, thanking her as he goes. In the audition room he is met by five people, sitting side by side behind a long table.

'Let's see... Kurt Hummel?' the older man in the middle, who Kurt recognizes as his potential director, looks up from his notes and surveys Kurt for a moment. 'We meet again.'

'Indeed we do,' Kurt quips forcing his business slash audition persona to emerge. 'I just hope you're not sick of me.'

'I wouldn't worry about that if I were you.' He sends Kurt a short smile, before returning his gaze to the sheet of paper in front of him. 'Now, since I last saw you, you've been rather busy, I see.'

The director goes through Kurt's list of credentials with something akin to awe, and Kurt _should _be paying attention and lapping up the praise, but his mind starts to wander until he zones out completely and is no longer hearing what goes on in the room. Well, he _hears_ it, of course – and he somehow manages to maintain his side of the conversation, contributing with the odd murmur of assent or 'That's right' – but he isn't really _listening_, and in the coming days if someone were to ask him, he wouldn't be able to quote a single thing from the conversation.

* * *

><p><em>From Blaine to Kurt, 15.46:<br>__How soon can you meet me on skype?_

_From Kurt to Blaine, 15.53:  
><em>_An hour maybe? Just finishing up._

_From Blaine to Kurt, 15.54:  
><em>_Okay, I'll wait._

_From Kurt to Blaine, 16.15:  
><em>_Did something happen?_

_From Blaine to Kurt, 16.17:  
><em>_You could say that._

_From Kurt to Blaine, 16.24:  
><em>_What is it? Is it bad?_

_From Blaine to Kurt, 16:25:  
><em>_I hope not._

_From Kurt to Blaine, 16.31:  
><em>_Okay, youre freaking me out now._

_From Blaine to Kurt, 16.33:  
><em>_Dont worry. Just hurry._

_From Kurt to Blaine, 16.45:  
><em>_Okay, nearly home._

_Once inside the door, Kurt kicked his shoes off in a hurry and shrugged off his coat in his room, throwing it on the bed, while his computer loaded. He settled himself on the bed with the computer in his lap and made quick work of logging into his Skype account. When he called Blaine up, it only rang for a few seconds before a connection was established and Blaine's anxious face appeared on Kurt's screen._

_'Hey, I'm here now,' Kurt panted, still a little out of breath having practically run the distance between the subway station and the apartment. 'What is it?'_

_Blaine bit his lip and reached for something on his desk, before holding it up in front of the camera. It was a large plain white envelope._

_'I got the letter,' he breathed. 'From NYU.'_

_'Oh my god, why didn't you say?' Kurt chastised and sat up a little straighter. 'Did you get in?'_

_'I don't know. I haven't opened it. I wanted us to find out together.' Blaine spoke quietly. 'This is it, Kurt. Our future. I don't get in here, I'm going to Pennsylvania instead.'_

_'There's still Columbia,' Kurt supplied hopefully._

_'I didn't get into Columbia,' Blaine confessed evenly, a sad smile on his face. 'I got the letter last week-'_

_'Blaine, why didn't you tell me?' Kurt interjected, hurt that his boyfriend would neglect to tell him this._

_'I'm sorry, I didn't want to upset you for nothing,' Blaine replied, his tone apologetic. 'And we always knew Columbia was a long shot. It was always going to be NYU.'_

_'I know, I know. It's okay. Can we open the letter now?'_

_'Sure.' Blaine worried his lip again and made to open the letter, but stopped short. 'Kurt? If I don't get in-'_

_'You'll get in, Blaine,' Kurt was quick to say. 'Of course you will.'_

_'But if I don't? We'll still- I mean, we won't-'_

_'Of course,' Kurt said warmly and Blaine looked relieved that he didn't have to explain further. 'Pennsylvania is closer than Ohio, right? We'll make it work,' Kurt assured his boyfriend, but his heart hammered painfully in his chest and his palms were sticky with sweat. In reality he didn't know how he would feel at the prospect of another three or four years in a long-distance relationship. But he wouldn't need to think about that. Blaine was getting in, no question._

_Kurt watched as Blaine carefully tore open the envelope and pulled out its contents. Blaine met Kurt's gaze on the screen, swallowed once and began reading. Kurt watched Blaine's eyes scan the page, the seconds passing by agonizingly slowly, and he watched for any change, any hint, in his boyfriend's expression, but Blaine's face remained impassive._

_'Well,' Blaine began, looking up, his poker face in full force. However, the moment his eyes fell on Kurt, who was watching anxiously brow creased in worry, Blaine's resolve crumbled and his face split into a huge grin. 'I got in!'_

_'Oh my god, you jerk! You nearly gave me a heart attack,' Kurt howled at the screen, but he was laughing in joy and relief. Finally. Finally they knew for sure, and in just a few short months Blaine would be here with Kurt. Not just visiting, but _here_ – living here _with_ Kurt, sharing an apartment, sharing a bedroom. With that in mind, Kurt thought these last few months apart might be a whole lot easier to bear than the last seven had been._

* * *

><p>'Anyway, I think I've talked long enough. Mr. Hummel, the floor is yours.'<p>

Kurt snaps out of it just in time to register these words, but it takes a few seconds for their meaning to sink in. Right; audition. He is supposed to sing now. Singing what? Panic rises in him when he realizes that he has completely forgotten which song he meant to sing. The seconds tick by as he just stands there, staring wide-eyed at the five people watching him expectantly. He cannot blow this audition.

'Kurt?' the lady on the far right – Kurt thinks she's a producer – addresses him softly. 'Take a deep breath, hon.'

Kurt does as told and surprisingly it helps. 'Okay, okay,' he breathes as the oxygen clears his head, and then at once he has his song. It isn't the one he practiced and it's old and somewhat obscure these days, and Kurt isn't even sure he knows all the words, but though he is unable to comprehend, let alone explain, why, he knows this is the song he needs to sing.

_If roses are meant to be red_

Kurt begins the song softly, almost uncertainly, and barely has he made it through the first line before an image flashes through his mind.

A staircase. So far away. Such a long time ago. A bouquet of yellow and red roses. The boy he loves with a smile spreading on his face. _'These are to celebrate. You.'_

_And violets to be blue  
><em>_Why isn't my heart meant for you?_

A school even further away. Even longer ago. A table covered with sequins and rhinestones and small pieces of jewelry. A nervous boy and his words, still echoing so many years later. _'Oh, there you are. I've been looking for you forever.'_

_My hands longing to touch you  
><em>_But I can barely breathe  
><em>_Starry eyes that make me melt  
><em>_Right in front of me_

An empty auditorium. Soft lips against his. Hazel eyes shining with emotion. _'You take my breath away. And not just now. Tonight on that stage, I was so proud to be with you.'_

_Lost in this world  
><em>_I even get lost in this song  
><em>_And when the lights go down  
><em>_That is where I'll be found_

A dull ache is forming in Kurt's chest as the images keep coming in a steady stream with one common theme. The happiness is painful from this angle and Kurt is vaguely aware of wishing it would stop. Or – realizing that it's probably related – that he could make himself stop singing. However, stronger than that is the almost primal _need_ to continue, like he's going through a dark tunnel to find out what is on the other side.

_This music's irresistible  
><em>_Your voice makes my skin crawl_

Kurt's voice is stronger and surer as he continues and he braces himself, but is still unprepared for the next flash that hits him.

Hands covering his on a table. A boy more open than ever. _'I'm crazy about you.'_

_Innocent and pure  
><em>_I guess you've heard it all before_

A boy. The same boy. Always the same boy. Insecure and a little frightened-looking. The most beautiful he has ever been. _'I want everyone here to know just how proud I am of my brave, handsome, bushy-haired boyfriend.'_

_Mister Inaccessible  
><em>_Will this ever change?  
><em>_One thing that remains the same  
><em>_You're still a picture in a frame_

A sea of blazers and a song that finishes. A hug so tight it hurts. A farewell he refuses to acknowledge. _'I'm never saying goodbye to you.'_

_Lost in this world  
><em>_I even get lost in this song_

Earnest eyes, that he fell in love with such a long time ago, and a boy in a bow-tie. _'I can't stand to be apart from the person I love.'_

_And when the lights go down  
><em>_That is where I'll be found_

A dark school hallway and a boy. Still that boy. Both of them dressed in formal wear. Forgotten tears drying on his own face. _'They can't touch us, or what we have.'_

_I get lost in this world  
><em>_I get lost in your eyes_

Shining eyes piercing his so intensely. Saying everything, rendering words almost unnecessary. A voice shaking with emotion._'You are the love of my life.'_

_And when the lights go down_

A boy. Just that boy. Only him. His world. '_I promise, you aren't going to lose me.'_

_Am I the only one?_

Kurt finishes the song and opens his eyes – though he doesn't remember the moment he closed them – finding all five people behind the table staring at him, two of them slack-jawed. A moment or two of stunned silence passes.

'I'm just gonna say it, because I know we're all thinking it,' the director declares. 'Best we've seen so far.'

Murmurs of assent break out around him, but Kurt hears their excited buzzing as if through a glass wall and his mind is everywhere but with the people watching him in awe and admiration.

'I have to go to Ohio,' Kurt announces to everyone's surprise – including his own.

'Okay.' The director looks utterly perplexed and Kurt doesn't blame him. 'Do you maybe want to read for us first?'

'No. I'm sorry, I really have to go. I need to, uh... visit my brother.'

With that Kurt turns on the spot, and without a second glance back he strides out of the room and down the hall where he came from, finally bursting through the front door and out onto the street.

* * *

><p><em>Kurt hung up the phone and sat for a full minute staring open-mouthed at it as though it had just performed some kind of miracle.<em>

_He hadn't expected anything to come of it. He had thought he could do well enough on stage, but TV? That was a whole other game. Honestly, he had been so grateful just to get the audition, then pleasantly surprised when the producers had seemed to like him. When he had found out that he got a callback, he had spent ten minutes in a mild state of shock. And now they actually _wanted_ him? It hardly seemed real. As Kurt called Blaine to give him the good news, there was a faint buzzing in his ears and he barely registered what either of them were saying, he was so lost in shock and joy. _

_The first dampener to his joy came that evening over dinner as Max brought up the topic of Kurt and Blaine's impending long-distance relationship. Kurt tried to talk to Blaine about it later in private, but Blaine brushed it off like he had at dinner, referring to their previous experience four years earlier._

_When Kurt thought back to that year he had spent in New York without Blaine, however, he wasn't able to brush it off as easily, and he wondered how Blaine could. Kurt spent the following week in a state of perpetual worry, feeling constantly on edge. When he wasn't busy making plans for his future in LA, he would spend hours by himself desperately searching for the least painful solution and debating back and forth in his mind about what to do. _

_There were times of brief hopefulness when he would convince himself that they – that _he_ – could do it again, it was only a year after all. But then he would recall that year and the daily struggle to get through the most mundane situations. Shopping for groceries on a Saturday afternoon shouldn't have been so difficult, except he would see couples _everywhere_ and then remember that normal couples often did this sort of thing together, and he and Blaine couldn't. Everywhere he had gone, people had seemed to be holding hands, and after one grueling experience he had stopped going to the movies altogether. All year there had been a pervading feeling of isolation and disconnect from the world around him as he had been unable to fully partake in and enjoy his surroundings. It hadn't been all day, every day – but every day without fail _something_ would remind him of what he couldn't have, and though he could have been fine three seconds earlier, going merrily about his business, a sudden sense loss and frustration would always overwhelm him for a minute. _

_All that went through Kurt's mind as he continued the debate in his head and it made him doubt that he would ever be able to go through with another long-distance relationship. And he would remember, too, the fact that they had no way of knowing the opportunities Blaine would even be afforded after college. If the thought of another year apart made Kurt uneasy, the thought of an indefinite number of years apart literally made his stomach hurt._

_He couldn't break up with Blaine, though. That wasn't even an option as far as Kurt was concerned. In fact more than once he considered doing the opposite and just calling his new bosses and telling them that he had changed his mind, and then turn around and propose to Blaine there and then. At the end of the day, though, he knew he couldn't do that and Blaine wouldn't want him to either._

_The option he kept coming back to was the concept known as "taking a break". Of course, in practice it wasn't much different from a long-distance relationship, but something about it felt … easier somehow. And he supposed there was the added clause that they could see other people. Not that he particularly needed that, and he honestly doubted Blaine did either. Although, come to think of it, Kurt had met more than a few people who, when he had told them his and Blaine's story, thought he did need that. Some people thought it was cute that they were each other's first everything and that they planned on growing old together, but there were definitely those that couldn't hide their skepticism; who would make jokes about Kurt's lack of romantic and sexual experience outside Blaine, and who smiled condescendingly when Kurt would speak of his future with Blaine. And it. Pissed. Kurt. Off._

_At least if he and Blaine "saw other people" Kurt would be able to say _ha, I told you so_ at the end of it, Kurt smiled wryly to himself. And Lily and Marshall on "How I Met Your Mother" had done the same thing, hadn't they? They, too, had only ever been with each other and they had seen other people for a while, and gotten back together and ended up married with kids and everything. Although Lily and Marshall had actually broken up for a while there, Kurt remembered then, which Kurt and Blaine definitely _weren't_, but the point still stood that it was something couples could do and still be okay._

_Kurt and Blaine would be okay. They always were._

* * *

><p>Kurt barges through his own front door and marches straight to his bedroom without stopping to take off his shoes or shed his coat. Only one thought pervades his mind: Pack a bag, get in the car and drive to Lima as fast as possible. Beyond that Kurt doesn't stop to think. If he did, rationality might kick in and he would realize that he is acting crazy, that visiting Finn and his family in the middle of the week is not a logical response to anything that has happened today and <em>holy shit<em>, he just bailed on the most important audition to come along for him in three years.

However, as Kurt swings his overnight bag over his shoulder, makes his way down to the parking garage and gets in the car, none of that is any more than a peripheral thought just out of reach, and as he gets on the road, blessing the midday slump in New York traffic, his mind is of a singular purpose. He repeats a mantra of _get to Lima, get to Lima, get to Lima_ over and over in his head, knowing with a certainty, that would likely freak him out if he stopped to analyze it, that Lima is where he needs to be right now.

* * *

><p><em>Kurt was drunk. Like, really drunk. Stupidly drunk. Possibly the drunkest he had ever been. That wasn't an excuse. On some level he did know that, and twenty-four hours later he would look back on this whole night and just <em>cringe. _But at this particular moment all Kurt saw was a handsome stranger paying him attention and _take that, person-from-work-whose-name-I-can't-remember-right-now, I could totally score if I wanted to_, and ooh, that accent was really rather cute. And then tall-dark-and-stupidly-handsome was buying him more drinks and being all charming and saying nice things. It felt good for once not being all alone in a sea of couples, and Kurt hadn't seen Blaine in person for so long. God, he missed being a couple, and oh wow, apparently tequilas made him horny (did he know this already? It felt like something he should have known), and if Kurt squinted Josh kind of looked like Blaine, so he could totally pretend._

_Kurt startled awake in the early hours of the morning in a bed that wasn't his own, his head throbbing and his body gross and sticky with sweat and … other things. Out of the corner of his eye he saw that there was someone else in bed with him, lying flat on his stomach fast asleep and snoring lightly. Kurt groaned as memories of the previous night came back to him. Oh god, what had he _done_? This was possibly the single worst decision he had ever made. Then another wave of shame washed over him as he remembered that someone had called him last night and Josh, the _idiot_, had actually answered. Dreading what he would find and who he needed to apologize to (and possibly buy an extra large Christmas present this year), Kurt found his phone on the night table and navigated to his incoming calls list. _Please don't let it be my dad_. Kurt didn't think he would ever get over the shame of that._

_It wasn't his dad. It was much, much worse. _

_So not only had Kurt gotten himself incredibly drunk and jumped into bed with a douchey foreigner (England? Australia?), but _Blaine_ of all people had been made to listen to it?_

_Kurt was officially the world's largest asshole._

* * *

><p>It's nearly six o'clock and Kurt has been driving for more than five hours, when he takes his first proper break, having stopped only once to fill the gas tank, use the bathroom and buy some snacks to make sure he doesn't pass out from hunger and dehydration. He pulls into a roadside diner and frowns at the menu for a minute, before ordering what he hopes is their least disgusting item. He tucks himself into a corner booth and while waiting for his food, he pulls out his phone as it occurs to him that he has yet to warn Finn that he's coming.<p>

'Hey, Kurt. What's up?' Finn greets him warmly.

'Hi. Is this a bad time?' Kurt asks for no reason in particular because Finn always has time for him. It's one of the things he loves about having a brother.

'No, dude. It's fine. Did you need something?'

'Yeah, uhm...' Kurt hesitates. 'I was wondering if I could come visit you guys?'

'Sure! We'd love that.' Finn sounds genuinely happy at the prospect and it makes Kurt smile. 'The girls ask about you all the time.'

'Really? Your six-month-old is asking about me? I'm impressed,' Kurt laughs.

Finn snorts. 'You know what I mean. So when were you thinking of coming?'

'Uh, tonight? I'm kind of already on my way. Sorry,' Kurt adds, wincing.

'No, no. It's cool,' Finn assures him, though he can't hide his surprise. 'Any particular occasion?'

'I guess I just felt like it?' Kurt shrugs and it's sort of true, but he doesn't even attempt to explain the rest of it. 'The perks of being an actor between jobs.'

'Well, you're always welcome, you know that. We'll make up the couch for you.'

'Thanks.'

'Kurt?'

'Yeah, Finn?'

'Is everything okay?' Finn's voice is uncertain like he isn't sure he should be asking.

'I- yeah, it's fine. Just- weird day.' Kurt sighs.

'Is this about Evan? Did he say something?' Finn asks suspiciously.

'Who?' Kurt blurts dumbly, momentarily confused. 'Oh! Him. No, I haven't seen him since he moved the last of his stuff.'

'No one's gonna blame you if you're still upset, you know. You guys were together for a long time.'

'It's fine, Finn, really. Evan was right; my heart wasn't in it. It's- it's not that. It's...' _I've spent all day seeing flashes of my first relationship. It hurts and it's confusing and I don't know what it means and I can't seem to stop it and I'm not sure if I want it to._ 'Never mind, it's nothing. Listen, I gotta go, my food's here. See you in about four hours.'

* * *

><p><em>For the most part Kurt managed to move on fairly quickly. He was almost ashamed to admit it, but with the launch date for his show drawing nearer, work was getting crazier and more intense at steady pace. Everyone seemed to want the cast for interviews and he was expected to attend every event under the sun, and the end result was that there just wasn't <em>time_ to think too much about the state of his and Blaine's relationship. And what good was thinking about it going to do, anyway? Blaine hardly seemed to want to talk to Kurt anymore, he made that pretty clear._

_By the time of their six-year anniversary in March, Kurt hadn't spoken to Blaine beyond a few short text messages for nearly two months. Kurt stared at his phone. He wanted to call Blaine and tell him... what? Something; god, _anything_. He just wanted to hear Blaine's voice. He wanted to tell Blaine that this was never what he wanted and how dare Blaine abandon him like this. But Blaine _knew_ what Kurt wanted. He had said that from the start. Blaine had been the one to pull away. There was no way he was going to want to hear from Kurt, and by calling now, Kurt would just be making a fool of himself._

_But he kept staring at his phone for the rest of the night, hoping beyond hope that it would buzz with a call, or even a text, from Blaine._

_It never did._

* * *

><p>It's a little after ten when Kurt pulls into the Hudson family's driveway, having made the trip in record time (he may or may not have been speeding a little along the way). The house is dark except for the light still on in the living room. Kurt has one finger on the door bell, before he realizes that the kids are probably sleeping, so rather than risk waking them he texts Finn to let him know of his arrival. A short moment later the door opens and Kurt is faced with a worried-looking Finn.<p>

'You look terrible,' Finn chides as a way of greeting.

'Thanks,' Kurt deadpans. 'Nice to see you, too.'

'No- I just mean-' Finn mumbles awkwardly. 'Sorry, come in.'

Finn steps aside, motioning Kurt inside and he watches as Kurt removes his coat and shoes. The TV is humming quietly from the living room, but otherwise the house seems silent.

'Sarah and the kids asleep?' Kurt inquires, making conversation.

'Yeah, we tucked in the kids hours ago and Sarah just went up...' Finn trails off for a second, before he practically rounds on Kurt. 'Seriously though, Kurt. Are you gonna tell me what's up or what?

'Nothing's up, Finn,' Kurt evades, shrugging his shoulders and averting his eyes.

Finn narrows his eyes at Kurt, who turns on his heel to walk into the living room before Finn can force an explanation out of him. Kurt can hardly explain to himself why he is here, so how is he supposed to make Finn understand? He has barely made it three steps into the living room, however, before he stops abruptly, causing Finn to barge into him. Kurt barely notices his brother, instead finding himself staring at the TV screen, transfixed by what he sees.

'_This shocking footage was recorded earlier tonight_,' a voice informs over images of a dark-haired person being loaded into an ambulance and a totaled car, trapped between a truck and the crash barrier.

'That- that's here,' Kurt stammers as he recognizes the street, and he looks up at Finn who has come to stand next to him. 'This happened in Lima,' he emphasizes, though not quite able to explain why this should be significant. Kurt walks around the couch and perches on the coffee table, picking up the remote and turning the volume up and, needing to hear more.

'_...the crash, which happened at approximately 8.15 earlier tonight, caused a minor explosion. While no bystanders were hurt and the forty-seven-year-old truck driver escaped with minor injuries, the driver of the car seen here has been rushed to the hospital where his condition remain__s__ critical.'_

'Dude, why is this so import-?' Finn begins, but Kurt shushes him.

'Please, I need to hear this.'

'_Authorities have yet to identify the victim and urge anyone who thinks they might know him to-_'

'Is this that deflection thing that Sarah told me about?' Finn persists. 'Cause I don't see why you're so-'

'Finn, I'm begging you,' Kurt implores desperately, eyes glued to the screen and feeling inexplicably panicked at the thought of missing essential information about this accident. 'Please just shut up for a minute.'

'_The victim is described as a white male, approximately five foot eight and eighteen years old with dark hair and brown eyes._'

'I have to go,' Kurt announces then, standing up.

'What? But you just got here,' Finn protests, following Kurt as he heads back into the hall and pulls his shoes and coat back on in a hurry.

'I know, I'm sorry. But I have to see that boy,' Kurt explains, his bag already slung over his shoulder and opening the front door.

'The kid from the news?' Kurt, already out the door and fishing out his car keys as he walks towards the car, doesn't answer even as Finn jogs after him barefooted and short-sleeved. 'Kurt, slow down you're not making any sense.'

Kurt stops by his parked car, sighs and turns to face Finn. 'Tell me about it.' When Finn still looks anxious, Kurt pulls him into a hug that he hopes comes across as reassuring. 'Don't wait up. I'll be fine.' And with that, before Finn can utter any more protests, Kurt gets in the car and drives off.

Kurt is aware that going to the hospital to see some random kid is crazy. In fact very little of what he has done all day makes any sense. Kurt has no idea what or who he hopes to find at the hospital. He doesn't even know any eighteen-year-old boys, as far as he is aware. But in the same way he knew this morning that he had to go to Lima, he just knows he has to see this boy. His mind seems to be bursting with thoughts, like a myriad of voices all shouting to be heard, but making sense of it is like trying to watch a foreign movie without subtitles. He understands his emotions, but the logic and the specifics are lost on him, so he operates entirely on instinct.

Within ten minutes Kurt arrives at the hospital and he practically runs the distance between his car and the front desk.

'The guy you brought in earlier,' he pants, a little out of breath and cutting straight to the chase. 'The one from the car accident. I need to see him.'

The young nurse, who was looking bored a second ago, visibly perks up at Kurt's words. 'You know him?'

'I- It's-' Kurt hesitates. There is a thought somewhere on the edge of his mind, like a word just on the tip of his tongue, and he shakes his head a little as though to try and shift it into focus. Then without warning a series of split-second images flash through Kurt's mind.

_A flipped-over car. A bandaged foot in his lap. A table covered with at least six different kinds of breakfast. West Side Story on TV. A bridge. Another bridge. A curly-haired man wrapped in his arms._

It's over within a second or two and Kurt takes a step back, steadying himself as his vision comes back into focus. _What the hell was that?_

'Sir? Are you okay?' The nurse grabs Kurt's shoulder gently, steadying him further. 'Do you need to lie down?'

'No, no, I'm fine,' Kurt assures her quickly even as a wave of nausea washes over him. 'Please just let me see him. I- I think maybe- I just need to see him.'

'Okay, then,' she acquiesces though she still looks unsure. 'I'll take you to him.'

Heart hammering wildly, Kurt follows the nurse as she leads him into the nearest elevator and presses the second floor button. The ride seems to go on forever and Kurt has a moment of panic when he considers the possibility that the elevator could get stuck and he might be trapped here for _hours_, but then the elevator bell dings and the doors open to reveal a long, bright corridor. The nurse leads him past door after door, finally stopping near the end of the corridor outside the door to the room designated _206_.

'I should warn you,' she cautions, her eyes sad and kind. 'He hasn't woken at all since they brought him in, and the doctors are saying he might not ever wake up.'

Kurt swallows and he nods once, staring determinedly at the door handle. 'Okay, I understand.'

The nurse opens the door and motions for Kurt to lead the way inside. Now that he is here, Kurt can't bring himself to look just yet. He delays the moment a few more seconds by looking around the room, which is dimly lit by a lamp on the table next to the single bed, whose occupant is hooked up to a machine that emits a low beep every few seconds.

Kurt's eyes fall first on the boy's feet outlined beneath a white hospital blanket, and from there his gaze travels slowly up the slender body, coming to rest for a second on his right hand, bandaged and resting at his side. Something odd happens then. He hears his own voice in his head, but it's saying words that he doesn't remember ever uttering.

_A break? Isn't the point of those that you get back together?_

A different voice – such a familiar voice – responds, echoing through his mind, the words still unfamiliar but they are so crystal clear in his mind that they feel part of real memory.

_I guess... That's what you said at first, but you... You moved on._

Kurt doesn't stop to analyze what he hears, but continues his gaze up the boy's torso until it finally comes to rest on his face. A face covered in little cuts, that Kurt guesses are from bits of broken glass, but a face that is instantly recognizable regardless. The sight completely floors Kurt and he feels like someone punched him in the gut, because what he sees is entirely impossible.

_Blaine_.

Not only that but _teenage _Blaine.

Blaine who should be thirty-two, not seventeen.

_Wait, where did 'seventeen' come from?_

And then all at once, as though on cue, everything comes flooding back to him. As he rushes to Blaine's side, grabbing his hand and perching on the bed, crying 'Oh, Blaine honey, what happened to you?' every last strange memory of things that _should_ be completely impossible but _happened_ fills his mind, and within a minute everything is so perfectly clear to him, that he can't believe he ever forgot it.

'I take it you know him?'

Kurt startles at the sound of the nurse's voice, having forgotten her presence the moment he walked into the room.

'I- yes, he's-' Kurt begins but cuts himself off when it sinks in that _Blaine thinks I moved on, he thinks I left him_ and he focuses his attention again on the sleeping boy, stroking his hand, his hair, his face, babbling incoherent apologies and tears stinging his eyes, because how could he have messed up so badly?

'Sir?' The nurse's voice grounds him again. 'Do you know who he is?'

'Sorry, sorry,' Kurt mumbles, wiping away a single tear and turning to look at her, but still holding on tightly to Blaine's hand. 'He's my-' Kurt falters as it strikes him that he can't say anything that involves the word 'boyfriend' (how creepy would that look?) and he can't give her Blaine's last name, because what happens when they find him in the system and he's supposed to be thirty-two? 'I'm his mentor,' he lies wildly. Yes, that's it. Kurt has been to schools and community theaters before and talked about acting and Broadway. He could easily have met Blaine there. 'His name is Blaine. I'm sorry, that's all I know.'

Fortunately the nurse seems to believe him and nods her head. Less than fortunate is the fact that Kurt is made to leave shortly after that. Hospital policy, the nurse says. Kurt almost tells her to stick her policies a certain place, because here he is, seeing Blaine for the first time since Rachel's wedding in 2019 (where they both brought dates and it was awkward and they barely spoke) and now they are both here under circumstances that have Kurt reevaluating everything either of them have said and done in the last fifteen years, and she wants to kick him out because of _policies_? However, as he doubts that course of action would actually be particularly beneficial for him, Kurt does as bid and reluctantly lets go of Blaine's hand before following the nurse out, his heart aching and half-convinced that the moment he leaves the room, he is going to turn around and have it all turn out to be a dream.

Kurt goes downstairs and finds an empty chair in the waiting area, having quickly decided against going back to Finn's place for the night, rather than risk being made to explain himself. He does wonder if Finn, too, would remember everything the moment he saw Blaine, though testing it seems like a less than stellar idea with everything that could go wrong. Besides, what's going on is between himself and Blaine, and it feels private, like it's meant for them and them alone.

He recalls Blaine telling them back then in 2012 that he had been leaving his parents' house when the accident happened, and Kurt briefly entertains the idea of contacting Blaine's parents or even Cooper, but if bringing Finn into it seems risky, trying to explain the situation to Blaine's family is downright ludicrous.

Besides, Blaine will be fine. The doctors might say that Blaine could remain comatose and never wake up, but Kurt, of course, happens to know otherwise. Blaine was in 2012 for three days, and the younger version of him was fine, if a little bruised, when he came back. Which means that by Friday night the young Blaine sleeping (comatose sounds so depressing) in a hospital bed upstairs will have woken up, and then somehow – Kurt hasn't really figured out how – he will find his way home. Kurt isn't worried about that at all.

As minute after minute passes by and Tuesday turns to Wednesday, what does weigh on Kurt's mind is his breakup with Blaine and how much of an idiot Kurt was about it. At the time he interpreted Blaine's pulling away from him as drifting apart and falling out of love and Kurt blamed himself for suggesting the stupid break that led to that. Now he still blames himself, but he understands that Blaine wasn't pulling away from Kurt because he didn't want to be with him; he did it because it was too painful _not_ to be. And Kurt should have known that, should have known Blaine well enough to realize that this is Blaine's modus operandi when he gets scared or insecure; pretend everything is fine until that becomes too hard, then pull away to save yourself the hurt. Kurt _did_ know this. Or had he learned nothing from the Chandler saga of 2012?

'Hey,' someone calls softly and Kurt looks up to see the nurse from earlier but out of her scrubs now, wearing jeans and an overcoat with a messenger bag slung over her shoulder. 'You're still here.'

'What, you gonna make me leave again?' Kurt snarls sarcastically at her.

'No,' she replies patiently, putting on a smile and ignoring Kurt's tone. She sits in the empty chair next to him, before holding out her hand, Kurt only now noticing that she is carrying something. 'I brought you coffee.'

'Oh.' Kurt accepts the coffee gratefully, feeling stupid for snapping at her. 'Sorry.'

'It's okay,' she brushes it off with a wave of her hand. 'You're stressed. I'm Vanessa, by the way.'

'Kurt.' He smiles wanly at her.

'I know,' she winks at him and he blinks and stares at her. 'Kurt Hummel, right? What, nurses can enjoy Broadway too, you know.'

Kurt chuckles briefly, though to be honest he is a little overwhelmed by Vanessa's perkiness.

'It's not hopeless, you know,' she tells him with a sudden quietness. 'Your friend. He could wake up.'

'Oh, I know, he'll be fine,' Kurt blurts a little too confidently. 'It's not that.'

'Then what?' Vanessa urges him. 'And don't tell me "nothing". I know people far too well and that -' she gestures at Kurt's face. '- is not a "nothing" look.'

Kurt sighs heavily. 'I fucked up. Bad.'

'How so?' she asks mildly.

'I was so busy going on and on about LA, and my job and my colleagues and all the parties I would go to, that I never stopped to truly _listen_ to him,' Kurt babbles off, making no real effort to make any of it understandable to the woman next to him. 'I'd ask how he was doing and he would give me the standard answer, and I should have seen through that and known that he was never okay with any of it. And we end up breaking up, when we _shouldn't _have.'

'Is this about your friend upstairs? Blaine?' Vanessa's brow creases in confusion.

Kurt hesitates. He doesn't have it in him to make up and elaborate lie, but he can't exactly tell her the whole truth either, so he decides to go with cryptic. 'Kind of. Not really.'

'I thought I was being clear, you know? About what I wanted.' (_Blaine. ASAP._) 'But looking back? God, I wasn't at all. _Let's go on a break and get back together when you graduate. But in the meantime let me tell you what __an__awesome__ time I'm having in LA and neglect to tell you about the stuff that sucks. Oh, and I'll get drunk off my face and stumble into bed with a stranger, but only apologize for making you listen to it, not the fact that it happened._ Talk about mixed signals.'

Kurt exhales and they sit in silence for a short moment as Vanessa seems to digest his words.

'I'm no expert and I'm pretty sure I only understood about half of that, but it sounds to me like a classic case of miscommunication,' Vanessa reflects. 'And communication is a two-way street as far I'm aware, so don't you be putting all the blame on yourself.'

'You don't understand,' Kurt protests. 'I was the one to say we should take a break and I went about it really clumsily, making him doubt-'

'Well beating yourself up about it is not going to get you anywhere,' Vanessa maintains as she gets up from her seat and turns to face him. 'Listen, I have to get home, but if you wanted my advice... I'd say end your little pity party, go find your man, apologize and hope he'll take you back.'

'Okay then, I will,' Kurt promises, imitating responding to an order. 'Just as soon as I've made sure Blaine is okay.' Kurt smiles to himself (of course Blaine is okay) and suddenly remembering his untouched coffee he lifts the cup to take a sip. 'Thanks for the coffee. And the pep talk. It helped.'

'No problem. Take care, Kurt.' And, apparently satisfied that her work is done, Vanessa turns and walks away.

Kurt manages to get a few hours of sleep, spread unevenly throughout the night. By eight o'clock the hospital is once again buzzing with activity and he gives up on getting any more sleep. He approaches the front desk where a male nurse is now working. Kurt introduces himself and asks about possibly being allowed to see Blaine again. To his surprise the nurse's face lights up in a smile at Kurt's request.

'Sure, go on up! Vanessa instructed us to give you special visiting privileges. Poor boy's probably not going to get a lot of other visitors.'

Kurt hums non-committally in response, but thanks the man before heading back upstairs, doing his best to appear as casual as possible. Once he has closed the door behind him and laid eyes on Blaine, Kurt goes straight to his side, once again taking Blaine's hand in his and touching Blaine's face, some part of him still needing to be reassured that this is actually happening.

Kurt ends up spending most of the day in Blaine's room, only leaving his side to visit the cafeteria and go to the bathroom and then once to phone Finn and tell him that he has gone back to New York and that he is sorry for worrying him, he had just been worked up about an audition, that's all.

Kurt remembers having heard that you should keep touching and talking to coma patients, even when you don't think they can feel or hear it, that it's supposed to keep the brain stimulated or something. So he does. He tells lengthy stories about his life now, and the lives of everyone they know that Kurt still keeps in touch with. He recalls happy memories of their time in high school and college. He talks and talks until his throat is dry and he has to take a break. Then he simply sits there still holding Blaine's hand, never letting go, caressing him softly, and when he feels like talking again, he speaks gently, uttering fragmented sentences – _love you so much – I'm so sorry – you'll be okay – I never stopped loving you_ – the tone of the words, sweet and caring, more important than the words themselves.

Thursday passes much in the same way as Wednesday, except Kurt gets the idea to visit the gift shop, where he buys a stuffed dog that reminds him of Blaine, flowers in bright colors and a thick novel by Blaine's favorite author. He places the toy on the bed next to Blaine's head and puts the flowers in a vase on the table next to the bed, feeling satisfied as both succeed in brightening up the room considerably. He spends most of the rest of the day reading the book aloud to Blaine, finishing it around noon on Friday.

This is also when Kurt starts to get anxious. It can't be long now. Blaine has to be waking up soon. The switch is happening tonight, surely he has to be awake for that? As hour after hour passes by without any sign of change in Blaine's condition, though, Kurt starts to wonder _how_ exactly it's going to happen. All he knows is that their attempts with the bridges didn't work, which – now that he is here in 2027 – isn't really a surprise. Even assuming that Rachel and Puck kept their word – which, short of calling them up and asking, he has no way of knowing, Blaine's phone having been destroyed in the car wreck – Blaine has been out cold since the accident on Tuesday and so not really in a position to carry out any instructions. Back in 2012 it happened when Kurt was holding Blaine in his arms, but Kurt doesn't really understand how that is the equivalent of the car crashes that got him there.

It's nearly midnight and Kurt is sitting in a chair by the bed, his head resting on the mattress and his fingers absent-mindedly stroking Blaine's hand as sleep very nearly overtakes him, when feels fingers that aren't his own twitch and Kurt immediately straightens up.

'Blaine?' A low groan escapes Blaine's throat and Kurt's heart leaps. 'Blaine, honey, I'm here. You're okay. It's okay, you're fine.' Kurt is hardly aware of what he is saying except doing his best to make sure that Blaine won't be frightened. Blaine moans and his fingers twitch again under Kurt's hand as, slowly, he begins to wake up. Blaine's eyes flicker open and something catches in Kurt's throat and his own eyes mist over as he looks into those beautiful hazel eyes for the first time in so so long. 'That's it, honey. You're doing good. I'm right here.'

'I don't- I was- There was-' Blaine fumbles for the words, clearly still groggy and confused. He blinks a few times as the world seems to come into sharper focus for him. 'Kurt? You're... I can't-'

'Shh, sweetheart, take it easy.' Kurt reaches out a hand to gently caress the side of Blaine's face. 'You're still foggy from sleeping for so long.'

Blaine frowns, moving his hand, still a little clumsy in his coordination, to cover Kurt's. 'H-how long did I sleep?'

'Just three days, Blaine,' Kurt informs him, suppressing a laugh as he realizes that what Blaine is seeing might have made him think that it has been much longer.

'But Kurt, what happened?' Blaine asks, his voice hazy and slow. 'You look old.'

Kurt just smiles sweetly. 'Time will do that to you.' Blaine frowns again. 'Don't worry. Everything's going to be fine. You trust me, right?'

Blaine nods. Of course he does, and to be honest he looks more puzzled and curious than scared or panicked.

'You're safe, Blaine, and you're going home soon. I love you, okay?' Kurt's voice is soft, barely more than a whisper and he smiles again as he takes Blaine's hand in his own, tangling their fingers together, before lifting his gaze and meeting Blaine's.

Kurt gets to his feet then and leans down across Blaine until they are face to face, pausing only for a brief second before capturing Blaine's lips in a gentle kiss that Blaine, his eyes fluttering shut, doesn't hesitate to return. For the second time in his life, Kurt hears the soft swooshing sound, but this time he keeps his eyes open as he watches and feels the change happen, never breaking the kiss.

And finally he understands; where tearing Blaine away from the time, in which he belongs, was caused by an upset mind, by anger at loved ones and the violence of a car crash, getting him home again is about the complete opposite, about being at peace and feeling loved. It took a car crash to tear the two Blaines away from home, but something is simple as a kiss from the love of his life will send them back.

When it's over Kurt pulls back and Blaine, finally the age he needs to be, opens his eyes. His gaze falls first upon Kurt's lips, then his eyes, before he seems to take in Kurt's entire being. The reaction is subtle at first, but Kurt thinks he sees something in Blaine's eyes change and it's almost as if a light comes on inside him.

Kurt smiles, biting his lip to keep the happy tears from spilling, and he watches as Blaine's mouth falls open slightly and his eyes grow huge. There are so many things Kurt could say right now; there are things that need explaining and apologizing for, things he needs to ask of Blaine and things they need to discuss before moving forward.

But not right now. Because this is them, together again after so long, and it's all that matters. The rest – well, they have all the time in the world for that.

And right now there is the far more pressing matter of being much too far away from Blaine, so Kurt kicks off his shoes and climbs into the bed to lie next to him. He takes Blaine into his arms, mimicking their position from so many years ago – a moment ago from Blaine's point of view. Kurt breathes his first word to Blaine, then, in a low contented voice, and it's far more appropriate and holds far more promise than any apology ever could.

'Hi.'

* * *

><p><strong>Well, there you go. :) I apologise to those who might have wanted the ending to include a complete rewrite of history, but that was just never going to happen on my watch. :P<strong>

**Btw, if you're interested you can check out my Livejournal for a post with a little soundtrack I put together. I can't link properly but it's at ilovescarves89. livejournal .com**

**Also - here's the original prompt thingy on tumblr if you want to see what inspired all this. :p (just take out the extra spaces - FF dot net is stupid, lol) shotgunanderson. tumblr. com /post/16929540239/so-i-suddenly-realised-i-really-badly-want-a-fic**


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